


Whatever It Takes

by Milner



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2015-01-10
Packaged: 2018-02-24 05:59:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 32
Words: 83,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2570720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milner/pseuds/Milner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I make my cut, and hold my hand over the cold gray stones without hesitation. I may have an aptitude for two other factions, but I have to do whatever it takes to stay safe." Beatrice Prior chooses Abnegation, and learns her choice isn't what she thought it would be. All characters belong to Veronica Roth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I just wanted to leave a small note here to give a big thank you to Bamcn24 for helping me out on this. She took the time to give me great feedback, and help make this story even better. So make sure to give her lots of thanks, too. I'm probably going to keep my A/N's to a minimum throughout this story so I don't have to go back and edit them all out (it's a pain!), so I want to say a big THANK YOU in advance for reading this story, and any reviews you guys will leave. I love every single one of them.
> 
> And with that, I'm going to go ahead and start you off with three chapters. Happy reading!

 

Today starts the same as any other day. Breakfast: plain toast and half a grapefruit, followed by cleaning the dishes and being dismissed to my room. But this is where the similarities end- normally I would head to school or out to volunteer with the Factionless, but today, I must reflect. I must think about my choice, and I must not waver in my decision, for there is no second chance.

 

My aptitude test did nothing to quell the gnawing fear I've had growing in my gut for the past few months. In fact, it made things much, much worse. Instead of telling me exactly who I am, the machine told me it didn't have a clue either. I sigh as I sit down on my bed, and stare out the window. In the distance I can see the familiar prongs shooting into the air and I wonder if there are others out there like me, others who are just as scared and confused as I am. There must be; I can't stand the thought of being the only one. I've never been one for jealousy but today, I envy those out there who have no doubts; those that know where they belong.

 

A soft knock on my door brings me out of my haze.  
“Yes,” I call out.  
“Ten minutes until we leave,” my mother says.  
“Okay.”

 

I am no closer to a decision than I was ten minutes ago, and I'm certain I'll be in the same predicament in ten more.

 

The bus ride is long, as usual. I'm not sure which part is worse, being jostled around painfully as the bus finds every bump and hole in the road, or having to give up my seat to a Candor girl and her boyfriend. She sits on his lap, and as hard as I try not to, I keep glancing up as she kisses him. I can feel the warmth on my cheeks and the back of my neck -this type of behavior is frowned upon in our faction after all- but I'm sixteen and curious as to how love works in the other factions.

 

I tilt my head to the side to get a better view. I'm having a hard time deciding where her face ends and where his begins, when I feel a sharp pain in my side. I glance to my left quickly and see my brother, Caleb, staring with wide eyes at me. I look to my parents who are sitting on the other side of him, but they are distracted with a quiet conversation between just the two of them. I shrug slightly and mouth a quick _sorry_ before turning my attention to the bus floor, and keeping it there.

 

When we arrive at the Hub, I, along with the rest of the Abnegation, wait patiently for the others to exit the bus first. We gather at the doors and hold them open for any other faction member entering, before regrouping in the lobby to make the long march up the stairs. I am out of breath and breaking a sweat in this summer heat, but like the others around me, I keep my discomfort to myself and continue on in silence. After twenty flights, we take a moment for ourselves to calm our breathing and gather our composure before walking through the doors and taking our places before the stage.

 

Before the ceremony starts, I take a quick look around at the other factions, and my focus is immediately drawn to Dauntless. They laugh and joke and are generally loud and obnoxious, but it doesn't bother me the way it seems to bother the other Abnegation. Or every faction, really. Some of my earliest memories are of me trying to run and play the with the Dauntless children, and I find myself smiling at not just the memory, but at my aptitude results too; Abnegation, Dauntless and Erudite. The woman who administered my test told me that it was extremely rare for two results, let alone three, and that I had to keep it a secret to stay alive. A shudder races through me, and I turn my attention back to Marcus Eaton, our faction leader, who is taking the stage.

 

“Good afternoon, and welcome everyone. Today is a very special day, as you know. Today is the day you become an adult and a full-fledged responsible member of our society. Sure, you will still learn and grow within your chosen faction for the next few years, but I know that whatever you choose today, you will make amazing contributions to our fair city, and I personally thank you for that. May God be with you and your families today.”  
Marcus bows his head in respect before continuing. “First up, Anthony Young.”

 

The Erudite boy heads up to the stage, takes the knife that Marcus presents him, and makes a cut in his hand. When his blood hits the water, his faction cheers and welcomes him back with smiling faces and open arms. The same thing happens again and again -different factions, same results- until the first transfer happens; an Amity girl named Krystal. She makes her cut and chooses Abnegation. I watch as she is gently welcomed into our faction before looking over at her parents. I can see the tears falling down her mothers face, and her father holds onto her tight, trying his best to comfort her.

 

I'm not sure which is harder; staying somewhere you're not sure you belong to be with your family, or leaving them behind.

 

When my brother's name is called, my stomach knots with nerves. He carefully makes his way to the stage, and when he makes his cut, I hear the loud gasps before I can even register what has happened. He makes his way over to Erudite, where they welcome him with open arms and smiling faces as though he's always belonged. I look between my mother and father quickly; she is smiling happily, while my father looks shocked.

 

“Beatrice,” my mother says, pulling my attention back to her. “It's your turn. Go on.” Still stuck in my stupor, I missed my name.

 

My heart beats loudly in my ears as I slowly make my way to the stage. I glance quickly over at Erudite but my brother isn't even watching; he's too busy discussing something with the boy he's sitting next to. My heart aches both for my father and for the betrayal I feel, and as I take the knife in my hand, I wonder if he even cares.

 

I make my cut, and hold my hand over the cold gray stones without hesitation. I may have an aptitude for two other factions, but I have to do whatever it takes to stay safe. The woman who administered my test told me Abnegation would be it, and for whatever reason, I believe her. I am welcomed back with smiles and respectful nods. I take my place next to my mother, who reaches over and squeezes my hand gently. I know it's meant to be reassuring, but I sit there for the remainder of the ceremony, feeling what can I only describe as empty.

 

When the ceremony is over, I help the others fold chairs and stack them against the wall. This year there were two transfers, and eight of us who stayed. We work together as a team, our initiation already underway.

 

Thankfully things take a while, so the bus ride home is relatively empty and we can all sit comfortably. When we arrive we are greeted by our instructors. The six boys follow Mr. Hadley to their dorm, while the four of us follow Ms. Day to ours. Ms. Day is one of our most respected elders; she is a member who decided to strictly devote her life to Abnegation and nothing else. She never married or had any kids, so every year for the past 42 years, she has volunteered to work with the new initiates. If you ask her, she will tell you how much she loves children, and she always felt her purpose was to teach us how to selflessly live our lives in the best way possible.

 

“Welcome ladies,” Ms. Day says as we enter the dorm. “For those of you who are new to the faction, our initiation lasts for thirty days. In those thirty days your time will be spent strictly volunteering; at the hospital, at the distribution center, at the packaging plant and finally with the Factionless. You're also going to experience life as they do, so you can truly understand the life they lead and the hardships they experience. Each day is a 12 hour work day, beginning at 7. There will be no horsing around, do you understand?” I feel the girl from Amity, Krystal, look over at me.

 

“I don't think I do,” she says quietly.  
“What I mean is, you will do your work, and nothing else. This is not a social event. You will follow my rules explicitly, and I will not stand for anything less than perfection, am I clear?”  
“Yes Ms. Day,” we say in unison.  
“Good. Now please choose a bed.”

 

The three girls, Krystal, Rose and Susan choose beds right next to each other, and look over to me to join them. It's not that I don't want to be near them, I would just rather be off my myself. Three sets of eyes follow me as I walk a little ways down and choose a bed.

 

“Okay,” Ms. Day says. “Krystal and Rose, come with me and we will get you a change of clothes. Beatrice and Susan, you can head to your houses and grab what you already own. Please make it quick.”  
“Yes Ms. Day,” we say in unison.

 

Susan and I live across the street from each other. Caleb and I would occasionally walk with her and her twin brother, Robert, to the bus on the mornings her father didn't drive them. It feels sort of similar now, except there's no more school, and no more Caleb. Or Robert; he transferred to Amity.

 

“I'm sorry,” I say, making pleasantries, “About Robert and Caleb.” While dating is not allowed in Abnegation, proper courting can start after we turn sixteen and choose; Caleb and Susan were about as close as you could get to either one.  
“Oh, Beatrice,” she says quietly. “Thank you, and I'm sorry as well.”  
“You're welcome. And thanks.”

  
“You know, I sort of always thought that Caleb and I would get married, and that you and Robert would maybe get married too, and we would be sisters,” she says as we walk. I scrunch my nose at the thought, and look quickly over to apologize, but she's focused on her feet and didn't notice. It's not that I didn't like Robert, he would have made a perfectly fine husband, but I do feel a little guilty at the relief I feel that he transferred. “Guess that's not going to happen now, is it?”  
“No Susan, it's not.”  
She looks up and gives me a half smile. “Meet you here so we can walk back together?”  
“Sure.”

 

Walking into the house feels a bit surreal. It's still my house, and I'll come back here after initiation while I finish my schooling, but it feels vastly different than it did only hours ago. I open the door to my brothers room and stare at the stack of books on his nightstand. How did I miss this? Too selfish, that's how. I close the door softly and walk across the hall to gather my clothes.

 

“Was it weird for you too?” Susan asks as I walk down the steps in front of my house.  
“Yeah, it was. Susan?”  
“Yes Beatrice?”  
“Can we just walk in silence?” Susan gives me a quick nod and looks at her feet as we walk back to our dorm.

 

“Perfect. Thank you girls,” Ms. Day says as she comes back with Krystal and Rose, who are now fully clothed in gray. I look between the other three; they're all at least five inches taller than I am, so their clothes, while still baggy, fit so much better than mine. The three of them also look, well, like adults. I look down at the thick cuff on my pants and my thin, childlike frame that's dwarfed by the rest of my clothes and let out a sigh.

 

“It's already close to dinner time, so for today, I will give you a short tour of where everything is kept in the dorm, as well as show you where the kitchen is. Since there are four of you, you will pair up and rotate kitchen duty every other day.” Krystal and Rose immediately cling to one another, leaving me paired with Susan.

 

We follow Ms. Day as she shows us where the bathroom, linens, her room and the kitchen are located. “Now, Beatrice and Susan, go ahead and prepare dinner tonight, for five. Always five. I will join you each meal and we will discuss your day before you are dismissed. You'll also take a full day of kitchen duty tomorrow. Any questions?” She looks to each one of us, but nobody speaks. “Good. Rose and Krystal, you may have some private time in the dorm while dinner is prepared.”

 

Susan and I peel potatoes and chop carrots before starting on the chicken. While it bakes, Ms. Day tells us that we are also permitted some private time. I'm not sure what Ms. Day's definition of private is, because this is clearly anything but; four girls in one large room with no separation of any kind. I sit on my bed and listen to Krystal and Rose reminisce a little about Amity, and their family. Hearing what they have to say, I don't know why they would give that up to come here.

 

Dinner is standard for Abnegation; prayers, minimal talking, and everybody staring at their plate as they eat. After Susan and I clean up, we are dismissed for the evening, and reminded to be in the kitchen for breakfast at six.

 

Just before I drift off to sleep, I wonder what Caleb is thinking at this very moment.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

“Good morning,” Ms. Day says as she walks into the kitchen followed by Krystal and Rose. Susan has just finished setting the table while I bring the eggs, toast, and fresh fruit over and set them on the table.  
“Good morning,” we say in unison.  
“I trust you slept well? Breakfast look delicious girls. Thank you.” Susan and I nod as we take our seats, eating in silence after our prayers.

 

“Today we will start in the distribution warehouse. This time of year yields the highest influx of Factionless due to the various initiation failures and those that did not take their aptitude test seriously by choosing on a whim. We will put together very basic bags full of essentials for them. Things like soap, blankets, extra clothes. Then there is also a food bag full of non-perishables, and items like a can opener, candles, and matches. Any questions? No? Okay good. Finish up girls and I will meet you back here at seven.” We nod as she excuses herself.

 

After Susan and I clean up from breakfast, we follow Ms. Day as she leads us to the distribution center. We set up at a table, and Ms. Day and two others wheel over a couple of large carts full of various clothes.

 

“Each bag should have two of each item. Shirts, pants, underwear, and socks for males, and the same but add two bras for females. Write the size on the outside of each bag so we can pick the size closest to what they wear. Same with the shoes. Two pairs will fit in each small bag and write the size on the outside for easier identification. Got it? Great. You girls enjoy yourselves, and I'll be back for lunch.”

 

I look at Susan who immediately pulls over the harder of the two carts -the shoes- so the others won't be stuck with it. I sigh and grab some bags and a marker and help her start sorting the shoes into pairs and sizes. By the time lunch rolls around, we have completed what was asked of us, and I am physically more tired than I think I ever have been.

 

Since we're initiates, we sit on the floor together instead of joining the others in the cafeteria and eat the cheese sandwiches and apples Ms. Day brought us from the dorm. When we're done, Ms. Day walks us to a different part of the warehouse that houses the food supplies.

 

“In here we work like before, only in a much larger group. It works like a basic assembly line, with each one of you being responsible for placing your item in the bag as it's passed to you. Susan, would you like to lead the line today?”

 

Susan looks like she's blushing a bit, but she nods her head and takes her place at the head of the line while the rest of us find an empty spot. I'm with soap and Krystal and Rose are with candles and matches. We spend the afternoon carefully placing our item in each bag as it passes by.

 

Susan and I are dismissed an hour early to prepare dinner, which is more of the same; chicken, peas, bread, and prayers and reflection on our day. It's entirely possible I fall asleep before my head even hits the pillow.

 

We spend four more days packing clothes and welcome bags, before learning that our last day working in the warehouse will be spent in class.

 

“Working with the Factionless, you will come across many of them who are in need of something we don't have,” Ms. Day starts. “For example, someone may have a perfectly good pair of pants on, but they have ripped a hole in the knee, or caught the sleeve of their shirt on something, tearing it. Today you will be given training on how to approach them, and successfully repair the damage without causing any trouble. It doesn't happen too often, but sometimes you encounter a member of the Factionless who becomes belligerent, and we have to call one of the Dauntless who are on patrol over for help. Don't be afraid. I know the Dauntless are intimidating, but they are there if we need them, and they will do their job, okay?”

 

“Now, this is going to be one of your two best friends while you are out volunteering,” she says as she holds up a small black bag. I recognize it as the one my mother hangs by the front door. “In here are the items you use for repairs; glue, patches, thread, buttons. Always keep it fully stocked, you never know when you'll need something.”

 

We spend the day practicing talking in calming and soothing tones, coaxing clothes off of the 'Factionless' -Abnegation members who are volunteering with us today- and learning sewing and knot techniques; anything and everything that might come in handy in any given situation.

 

“Tomorrow we are going to head into the Factionless sector and start delivering the bags we put together,” Ms. Day says as we are finishing dinner. “People have already begun leaving, and it's best if you get this initial experience out of the way. Remember though, we're not just there to give items out and walk away, we're all these people have. They have no faction now and no family. Some of them are broken beyond anything we have ever experienced, so I ask you now, how would you feel if that were you?”

 

As she looks at each one of us, a small pang of guilt hits me; I should be thankful I even have a faction to belong to. “Kindness and compassion go a long way in this world,” she continues, giving a slight nod towards Krystal and Rose, “And if we can let them know that they can trust us, it makes our job that much easier.”

 

“I know that Beatrice and Susan have been in the Factionless sector before, but Rose and Krystal, I must warn you, it's not a pretty sight. If you have any questions, now is the time for them.”  
Krystal and Rose look at each other for a moment before speaking up. “Are we going to be safe?” Krystal asks.  
“Yeah, and are we going to be able to leave if we aren't?” Rose adds.  
“Yes girls. I have arranged for a Dauntless guard to accompany us on each trip we take during initiation.” The two of them relax a bit, and we are dismissed for the evening.

 

“What if Robert is there? Or Caleb?” Susan asks as we head to our room. “I don't know what I would do.”  
“Oh relax, Susan. How many Amity become Factionless? Practically none. As for Erudite, well, Caleb made his choice, and I hope he can live with it.”  
“Beatrice!”  
“What, Susan? I'm not wrong. I don't think he would leave because he knows first-hand what it's like. And I would hope he's smart enough to pass whatever their initiation is, so I wish you would stop overreacting.” Susan drops her head and doesn't say anything else to me for the rest of the evening.

 

I wish I could say I'm upset, but I'm not. Susan is nice enough, but she's dramatic and worries entirely too much. I love my brother and wish he didn't leave, but I won't focus on him all the time. He's the one who left. He has to live with that decision, not me. Or at least, I hope I don't have to.

 

After breakfast we gather the supplies from the warehouse and head over to the Factionless sector along with the male initiates. When we arrive we see two Dauntless guards waiting for us- one male, one female.  
“Hello,” Mr. Hadley says to the male guard.  
He grunts in return and says, “Follow me.” Mr. Hadley gives Ms. Day a small shrug and gestures for the boys to go ahead.

 

“Sorry. He's always like that though, if it makes you feel any better,” the female guard says. “I'm Shauna, and I'm not a dick like he is.” Krystal and Rose snicker, and Ms. Day gives them a heated look.  
“Well, thank you Shauna. I am Ms. Day, and this is Krystal, Rose, Beatrice and Susan.”  
“Hello,” she says. “You guys lead and I'll follow.”

 

It's sort of an unwritten rule among the existing Factionless to stay indoors this time of the year because it's easier for us to find those who are new and give them the help they need. It takes a little time, but we eventually come across a girl from Candor. She's crying so hard, she can hardly answer our questions about size, but manages to get out a very wet “Thank you,” when we direct her towards a building with very welcoming Factionless who can help her adjust, and hand her the bags of clothes and necessities.

 

We come across two more, one Erudite and another Candor before running into Mr. Hadley again.  
“If we're meeting already, that means we've probably found everyone. Well, so far anyways,” Ms. Day says to the whole group. “Generally we come out every three days unless we are alerted by another member of a situation that needs our immediate attention.”

 

“Three days was the agreed upon unit of time between the factions,” Mr. Hadley adds. “We can't stop anyone from leaving in between those days, but things like tests that determine cuts or switches from one portion of initiation to another that result in people leaving are to be held so they coincide with the work that we do. I know it seems harsh, but that's the risk you take, and you have to stand by your choices. Faction before blood.”

 

I see Susan reach up and wipe her face, and I find myself rolling my eyes at her like I have many times before. Something catches my attention- I think someone is watching from one of the windows in the building next to us. It's missing, which is the only reason I noticed; most of the windows in the Factionless sector are covered in a layer of dirt and grime that makes them hard to see through. It was a quick movement, but it was definitely there.

 

“See something?” I hear Shauna ask as she moves next to me and follows my gaze up.  
“I thought I did, but now I'm not so sure,” I say.  
“Let's get moving then, just in case.”

 

Shauna and the other guard motion us away from the building and follow closely behind. Most Factionless would never hurt us, but that doesn't stop anyone from taking the proper precautions. In the past there have been Factionless who were extremely violent and would hurt anything and anyone who crossed their path.

 

I make a mental note of which building it is as we weave our way back to Abnegation. It could have been nothing, but my gut tells me it's something that's worth remembering.

 

“Girls, I just want to say that I am very proud of how you handled yourselves today,” Ms. Day says as we sit down for dinner. “Especially Krystal and Rose. There have been many times where transfers have become frightened at the thought or the sight of new Factionless. You all held yourselves together really well, and I think you will do just fine here.” She smiles at each one of us, and I offer a small smile back. Even if I'm here simply because it's where I knew I'd be safest, a compliment is a compliment, and it's still nice to hear.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

“We are going to spend this week volunteering in the hospital. We will take turns volunteering throughout the maternity ward, the elderly care facility, with the triage unit, and you will also receive two classes. One is a first-aid class with basics like proper wound cleaning and care and things like stitching up a superficial wound. The other is a...more in depth sexual education class.” I notice Ms. Day blush at these words, and find it a little odd that a woman her age who has been through this multiple times still finds this embarrassing. I know sex will always have a bit of a 'dirty deed' feel to it among the Abnegation, but it's human and natural. At least, that's what I try to remind myself of as I feel the heat of my own blush in my cheeks. I look over at Susan who is as red as an apple, and see Rose and Krystal trying -and failing- at hiding the grins on their faces.

 

“Okay then. Let's start with my favorite place in here, the maternity ward.” The other girls faces light up with excitement as we follow Ms. Day. Truthfully, I've never had much one on one interaction with babies. I've helped watch some kids, but they were already older and self-sufficient, which is the complete opposite of what we walk into.

 

There are two babies in the little room we walk into. They're both hooked up to quite a few monitors and enclosed in what looks like large plastic boxes, but really they just seem large because the babies are so tiny.

“This is the neonatal room. These two little ones are twins, and they were born prematurely. They have to stay here under these special lamps that will help them grow, and all these wires monitor them twenty-four hours a day. Thankfully they were a little further along and not sick, so they can be handled without wearing a clean suit. If you choose to volunteer at the hospital after initiation, you may end up here. These babies still need a lot of love and human contact though to help them grow. Who wants to go first?”

 

Susan, Krystal and Rose try to remain as polite as possible, while still trying to be the first ones to hold a baby. I stay back as Ms. Day hands Krystal and Susan a baby each. I hear them make little noises and talk quietly to the babies, and I suddenly feel very out of place; I don't have the first clue what to do. Eventually Ms. Day takes one of the babies and hands it to me.

 

“Oh, I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be doing,” I say as she gently places the baby in my arms. “I don't know what to say and it's so tiny-”  
“He,” Ms. Day interrupts.  
“ _He's_ so tiny, and...fragile,” I say as I look down. The baby opens his eyes and moves his head towards me just a little bit. He lets out a tiny coo as he squirms to a comfy spot, and closes his eyes again.  
“I think he likes you, Beatrice.”

 

“Hey little guy,” I say softly. “I have no idea what I'm doing, but they say you like to be talked to, so that's what I'm doing.” His mouth twitches into a little pucker before relaxing again, and it makes me smile. “Do me a favor though, and stay healthy for your mom and dad. They probably can't wait to take you home.”

 

I've never really thought about having kids. It's just one of those things that I didn't really think I would ever do. I mean, sure, I always assumed that at some point I would get married, but that's really as far as my thoughts have ever taken me. As I look down at this tiny little person though, I think that maybe this wouldn't be so bad. I lean down and place an extra soft kiss on his tiny head before handing him back to Ms. Day.

 

Next we take a trip over to labor and delivery. Nobody is currently in active labor, but there are three women who have given birth recently who are still resting before being sent home. We are allowed to see and hold their babies and ask them and their nurses as many questions as we want, which thankfully, Krystal and Rose do most of the embarrassing asks for all of us.

 

Moving from room to room and nursery to neonatal, I'm beginning to like this more and more. I can definitely see myself ending up here. The fact that I can openly talk to and deal with other factions is also a big perk, but I keep that to myself during our dinner conversation with Ms. Day.

 

We watch a slide show the next day showing us some of the consequences of not treating a wound properly. They're mostly pictures of infected wounds, but escalate towards the end by showing pictures of various body parts with gangrene and amputated limbs; it's a good thing I have a strong stomach. If Rose's green face is any indication, I don't think she'll be volunteering here any time soon.

 

We head into triage afterwards and learn from the doctors and nurses how to do very basic sutures and wound care, and how to prioritize between life threatening emergencies and emergencies that can wait a little longer. I'm surprisingly good at keeping calm as we take turns closing a rather large cut on a man's arm. Rose however vomited on the poor man's leg, and had to be escorted to a different room where she could lie down.

 

Before we leave for the evening, we are each given another bag, this one red with a white cross on it. It contains things like gauze and antiseptic and healing salve and the various items required to perform a surgical suture, as well as a small booklet full of different symptoms and what they may mean.

 

* * *

 

Today's trip into the Factionless sector yields a much higher rate of newcomers than last time. I look around at the red eyes and fallen faces, and my heart aches for them. They have nothing except themselves now. A few nice Factionless will help them initially, but send them off on their own after a few days. Sure, my life isn't perfect, but it's better than this. Anything is better than this. 

 

When a young Dauntless woman makes her way over to us to ask for help, I'm struck by the thought that she could be me had I chosen Dauntless. She is taller than I am, but the differences stop there. She is quiet and timid, blonde, and from what I can tell, doesn't have nearly enough muscle to fit in. Ms. Day motions towards us, and Susan and I follow her and the young girl while Shauna stays with Rose and Krystal.

 

“In here,” she says quietly as she opens a door to a nearby building. We follow her up a flight of stairs and into a room at the end of a long hallway. “He's upset that I came to ask for help, just so you know.”  
Inside is a boy who does look like he belongs in Dauntless. Tall, well defined, a tattoo on his forearm. He's lying on the ground with a jacket over his face.

 

“Edward,” she says quietly. “I brought help.”  
“Go away,” he replies.  
“Edward, no. You need to be looked at.”  
“I said go away Myra. And take whoever you brought with you too.” Myra begins to cry, and Susan moves to comfort her immediately.

 

“Tell us what happened,” Ms. Day says, and I notice that she's doing the same thing I am; looking his body over for injuries. I can't see anything wrong, so whatever it is, it has to be with his face.  
“He was stabbed in the eye,” Myra says through a few sobs.  
“I said go away!” Edward yells so loud we all jump.

 

I look back and forth a few times between Susan and a sobbing Myra before turning to Ms. Day. She looks concerned, but nods her head and gives me an encouraging push anyways. I approach Edward slowly, and kneel beside him.

 

“Edward,” I quietly, “My name is Beatrice. You don't have to let me touch you, but will you at least let me look at your eye?” He doesn't move or say anything, so I continue on. “I just want to make sure you have what you need to take care of it.”  
“The eye is gone,” he says harshly. “They removed what was left of it and now it's just a hole.”  
“So this didn't happen here?” I ask, confused.  
“No.”

 

I look back at Myra who seems to be composing herself finally, and raise an eyebrow.  
“During initiation. Someone stabbed him in the eye with a butter knife in the middle of the night.”  
“So they kicked you out?” I ask. If that's the case, then maybe Dauntless is as cruel as they say it is.  
“No,” she says, and she starts crying all over again.  
“You left,” I say, turning my attention back to Edward. “So why are we here then?”

 

Edward lifts his arm just a bit and hesitates. After what is probably a second thought, he takes his jacket in his hand and slowly pulls it away from his face. The eye is bandaged, but the gauze is wet with fresh blood.

 

“I don't know what happened,” he says. “I woke up like this. It was fine last night.”  
“Okay,” I say. “I'm going to have my instructor come over, and we're going to get this taken care of.”  
Ms. Day joins me, and we both open our first-aid kits, pulling out whatever items we think will be necessary. Edward closes his good eye as she takes a pair of small scissors and cuts away the bloody bandage.

 

“I'm going to pour some water in there so we can see better, okay?” Ms. Day says, and Edward nods. We flush the wound, and see that one of the stitches has come undone.  
“Okay Edward. You popped a stitch somehow. If you don't want to go to the hospital, I do have some numbing drops and can fix it in just a couple of minutes.”  
A moment passes before he says, “Fix it.”  
“Beatrice, your hands are smaller than mine. I'll hold the eye open.”

 

My hands start to sweat a little as I thread the needle. I dab some gauze in there to soak up what water and blood I can, take a deep breath, and stick my fingers in Edwards eye socket.

 

It only takes maybe two minutes, but it was definitely one of the weirder moments of my life. Everything was so wet and squishy, but I put it all aside and did what I needed to do. The bleeding has stopped, and Edward and Myra seem grateful to the both of us. I don't have anything left to wipe the blood away with, so I take off my sweater and cut it into small squares. I wet one and clean Edwards face before bandaging it up again.

 

“Thank you,” he says as we finish packing our things away. I nod in his direction.  
“We'll be back in three days. Come find us if you need anything,” Ms. Day says to Myra, and she nods as she holds Edward.

 

“The packs,” I say when we meet back up with the others.  
“What?” Susan says.  
“Neither one of them got their clothes,” I say, grabbing what I can to take back to them. Ms. Day gives me permission to go by myself, since the entrance to where they are is just around the corner.

 

“Edward and Myra, I'm coming back,” I announce as I walk down the hallway. I find them in the exact same position we left them in -Edward in Myra's arms- except now they're kissing. They didn't hear me, and I find myself frozen in place watching the mechanics of a passionate kiss. Edward notices me, and I scramble to remember the reason I came up here in the fist place.

 

“Y-you uh, didn't get these,” I stammer out. “There's extra clothes and blankets and other things in there for you. I'll just leave them here by the door,” I say and turn around quickly.

 

I'm so flustered from being caught, I miss the staircase somehow and find myself in another part of the building. I slide down a wall next to a broken window and take long, deep breaths, calming myself and breathing in the fresh air blowing through. I wish things like this didn't embarrass me so much. I've seen plenty of kisses in the hallways at school and even on the bus the other week, but I never really watched as intently as I did just now. I've never kissed a boy, never really liked one enough to think about it if I'm honest, but that doesn't stop me from wondering what it's like.

 

I reach up and touch my lips; they feel soft. Is that what lips are supposed to feel like? Will my lips be able to feel the softness of other lips? As I sit and think, my eyes drift up, and I'm startled. Across the street, one floor up is another broken window, and in that window someone is watching me. I hold perfectly still as I watch them back.

 

Logically I know they cannot get to me, but all the warnings we have been given still run through my head. I stand slowly and keep my gaze on them. Whoever it is, I decide that they should know that they aren't going to intimidate me. I stand in front of the window, head held high, and focus my gaze. The figure moves closer to the window, and I see it's a boy, a young boy, from Dauntless.

 

Right away I can tell he is in  _way_ better shape than Edward. He's taller too, with dark hair and tan skin, and I think I can see a tattoo peeking out from the collar of his shirt.  _If this person can't make it in Dauntless_ , I think,  _who can?_ The boy and I stare at each other for a while, and he makes no move to do anything; talking, leaving or otherwise. If I didn't know any better, based on the look on his face I would think he was concerned about me. 

 

I open my mouth to say, well, I'm not sure what, but I am cut off.  
“Beatrice!” I hear. “Beatrice, are you okay?”  
“I'm here. I'm fine,” I turn and yell back. “I'm coming back now.” I turn back to the window, but the boy is gone.

 

“Sorry,” I say when I meet Shauna at the top of the stairs.  
“The hell were you doing? Your instructor is having a full blown panic attack out there.”  
“I was just...” I say, but, what _was_ I doing?  
“It doesn't matter to me,” Shauna says with a smirk, “But you better come up with something by the time we get back.”

 

I'm able to placate Ms. Day by telling her that I was just talking to Edward and Myra, and didn't realize how long I was up there. She's fine with it, but I don't think I'll be able to go off by myself any time soon, which is a shame. There's something about that boy that makes me want to find him again.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

Today we are volunteering in the elderly care facility. Changing bed pans and soiled sheets, and cleaning and bandaging bed sores is definitely not the most glamorous job. A lot of the elderly here are happy to see us though, and they entertain us with stories of their youth.

 

"You're so young," they say.  
"These are the best years of your life."  
"I bet you can't wait to find a husband." I turn my nose up at this last one, but nobody notices.

 

I pass the time by thinking about the boy I saw. We never even exchanged a word, but I can't get him out of my head. His stance and his presence screamed authority, and yet, he is Factionless. And newly Factionless at that. His hair was cut short and his clothes were still clean. Most Factionless are ashamed of their circumstances, but they still accept our help. He however has stayed hidden, and I desire to know why.

 

I know it's not very Abnegation of me, but I am so glad when this day is over. I respect the elderly and everything they have to teach us, but it takes a toll on you when you have to view them in such helpless circumstances, much like the Factionless.

 

* * *

 

 

"Proper sexual education is very important," the nurse says to us as we sit down. Today's class seems like a general class that is given to everyone; the boys are here as well as the Amity initiates who all wave at Krystal and Rose. "I know you have received the very basics in school, but we are going to cover topics ranging from masturbation and pregnancy prevention, to the actual mechanics of sex and childbirth. Please try and remain respectful. I know for some of you this is going to be a little bit of a culture shock," she says as she looks towards us, "But I promise that it's better if you have this information beforehand. Okay, so let's start where most young people start, masturbation."

 

I feel the heat in my cheeks and ears as she begins talking about the different ways males and females pleasure themselves. Most of the Amity seem indifferent to the discussion, but every Abnegation in the room is a deep shade of red. I'm not a total stranger to the idea of touching myself. A few times in the shower I've spent a little more time than I should have...washing myself, but when the nurse brings up orgasms, I find myself listening intently; apparently I've not been using my full potential.

 

Things move on from one topic to the next, and at the end of the class, we are given the option to get a shot that will prevent pregnancy; all of the Amity girls immediately line up. Ms. Day rushes to add that it's okay to take it even if we aren't sexually active, because it can help with our cycles. I roll my eyes that it takes something non-sexual to convince the others to get the shot. It lasts for two years, and who knows what could happen in that time frame.

 

I rub my arm where I was stuck with the needle and follow Ms. Day and the others into the hospital basement. We spend the remainder of our day organizing the various supplies and putting together first-aid and emergency supply kits.

 

* * *

 

 

"Today will be you last day volunteering in the hospital, so you may volunteer in whichever area you wish," Ms. Day tells us as we walk to the hospital. "If you like, I can arrange for you to spend time in more than one area, but I urge you to choose whichever area you feel most comfortable in, since it is an option for you after initiation. Getting the most out of your time here would be very beneficial to you."

 

I hate to think it, but right away I know that elderly care is not where I want to be. Spending my day with babies sounds good, but again, I don't think that's where my best potential lies. After what happened with Edward the other day, I surprised even myself with how calm I remained and how easy it was. The others, of course, choose maternity while I head over the the triage wing.

 

"Is this her?" a male doctor asks the head triage nurse, and she nods her head. "You sure you can handle all the blood?"  
"I'll be fine," I answer.  
"Okay. I'm Doctor Evans, and I guess you'll be with me today." I nod as he stares at me expectantly.  
"Oh, I'm Beatrice."  
"Okay, Beatrice," he says with a smile, "Let's get you washed up and ready to go."

 

My morning is spent assisting the doctor with various emergencies -splinting a broken finger, stitching up a head wound, preparing the materials and helping cast a broken arm- with Dr. Evans complimenting me the entire way. By the time Ms. Day comes to get me for lunch, I'm exhausted.

 

"I'm surprised with you, Beatrice," she says as we walk to the cafeteria.  
"Surprised?"  
"Yes. I would have assumed you would have followed more in your mothers footsteps, but you chose a different path, a harder path, and you should be proud of yourself. If this is what you decide to do, the city would be a better place with your help. You're very smart, and if you keep it up Beatrice, you just might make a difference one day."

 

As we walk my mind wanders to my test results; Abnegation, Erudite and Dauntless, each one helping me in its own unique way. Selflessness, bravery and intelligence _do_ make a good foundation if I choose this path, I think. My results did not tell me exactly where I belong, but they might have given me a good idea of what I was meant to do.

 

I am more than happy to collapse into my bed after this day. An Amity farmer was brought in bleeding and unconscious just after lunch; one of their cherry pickers dislodged a large branch and it fell on him. We took full body scans to check for organ damage -which thankfully, there was none- before admitting him into surgery to repair a shattered humerus and radius, and stitching up the numerous lacerations he sustained- sixty-four stitches in all. The man was quite lucky he didn't break his neck or worse.

 

When the alarm clock goes off, I crack an eye and sigh; a full night of sleep seemed to speed by in five minutes. The other girls are up and changing and making their beds already, and I want nothing more than to just lay here. There isn't much time, but this is definitely a morning where a hot shower is needed. As I wait for the water to warm up, I notice blood underneath a single fingernail. I stare at the dried remnants that once belonged to another human being, and frown; even with protection, it still found a way in.

 

I scrub my fingers until they are sore, not wanting to be reminded right now of all the ways life can change in an instant. It's a fragile thing, and try as I might, I'm only one person; I don't think I can make the difference people think I can, even if I want to.

 

We head to the Distribution Center and gather the necessary supplies for the day. We also take extra food to help with the influx of new Factionless; sometimes the older ones will steal from the new arrivals. Today also marks the first day of our first week strictly volunteering in the Factionless sector. Dauntless security is up for the next few weeks since we won't have our personal guard with us anymore, and we won't be sticking together as we have the past two weeks.

 

I gather what I can carry and set out in a specific direction. When I reach the intersection where I saw the Dauntless boy, I set my things down and wait. A few older Factionless pass by and take some food, but after an hour of nothing my curiosity gets the better of me. I take a deep breath and walk into the building I saw him in.

 

"Hello," I call out. "If there's anyone in here, I have some things for you." I listen closely for any signs of movement, but nothing stands out. I climb the stairs carefully, calling out each time I reach a new floor. I explore some of the top floor, and when I still get nothing in return, I decide to leave. I'm startled when I find he was standing right behind me.

 

"What are you doing here?" he asks in a deep, authoritative tone.  
My heart races as I scramble to find my voice. I reach into one of the bags I have and hold out the first can I can grab. "I...I brought you food, and some other things." He looks me up and down before looking at the bags in my hand. I'm not so naïve that I don't know he could overpower me in an instant if he wanted everything I have. I contemplate dropping it all and running, but he speaks up.

 

"I don't need anything you have." I stare at him in disbelief as he turns his back on me and walks away.  
"What?" I call after him. "Of course you need what I have."  
He pauses briefly before stating flatly, "No, I don't."

 

I've never encountered anyone like this before. Sure, there have been many times when a newly made Factionless' pride supersedes their needs, but they get over themselves quickly once they realize how hard it is out here on their own. He has been here at least a few days, but if he was who was watching me the first time we were out here -and something tells me he was- it's closer to a few weeks. He has to be starving.

 

"What? You just happen to have a fully stocked fridge in here," I ask. At this he turns and looks at me, and the tension is so thick in the room, you could cut it with a knife. "There's nothing wrong with accepting our help," I say.  
"Our help?" he says as he looks around. "I don't see anyone else in here, so take your measly handouts and give them to someone else."  
"Or what?" I say, heart pounding in my chest. He takes a step towards me. When I instinctively take a step back, his mouth curves up on one side, and I curse myself for not standing my ground.

 

"I'm going to be out here every day for the next two weeks," I say, trying to distract him from the fact that I backed down from him. "I'll come here every day until you take these bags from me."  
He sighs. For just a moment he looks like a normal teenager, instead of someone who is so hardened he refuses to let down the barrier he's created, even if it would save his life.

 

He walks towards me, and this time I do stand my ground, looking him right in the eye as he brings his face within inches of mine.  
"If I take a bag from you, will you leave?"  
"Two bags," I answer.  
"What?"  
"Two bags and I'll go." His mouth twitches slightly and I have to suppress a smile.  
"Fine."

 

I hold out the bags and he takes them more gently than I assumed he would. He opens the door I'm standing next to and places them inside before closing it quickly; I still saw the mattress inside.  
"My name is Beatrice. Prior," I add as I push my way past him. "If you need anything, come find me."

 

I turn and look back just before I reach the stairs. He is leaning against the wall, a lazy smirk on his face.  
"Four," he says. "You can call me Four."  
I give him small smile and say, "It's nice to meet you, Four."

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

For the past three days I have made sure I am within eyesight of Four's building. Each time another Factionless rounds the corner, my heart skips a beat in hopes that it's him, even though he has a nice supply of food already. I think about him each night at I lie in bed, and each night my desire to know more about this boy grows. Why is someone who is so clearly cut out for Dauntless, Factionless? Was he kicked out, or did he leave on his own? But most importantly, why does he resist our help?

 

I'm down to my last couple of bags today, and with nobody in sight, I make the decision to see if I can find out anything.

 

"Four? It's Beatrice. I'm coming up," I announce as I walk up the stairs. When I reach the landing on the top floor, I see him slumped down against the wall at the end of the hallway, staring at the floor.

 

"What are you doing here? I took your things so you would leave me alone."  
"I know. Those things won't last forever though," I say as I take a few steps towards him. He lifts his eyes to mine for just a moment, and I see that they are red rimmed and bloodshot.  
"Are you okay?" I whisper.  
He snorts."What do you think?"

 

I watch him as he closes his eyes and leans his head back against the wall. I know misery when I see it; I've spent my entire life facing it head on. I set the bags down and approach him slowly. When he doesn't move, I take a chance and sit down next to him.

 

"I'm a good listener," I say, "If you want to talk about it."  
He opens his eyes and looks at me. "What makes you think I want to talk to you?"  
I shrug. "You haven't told me to leave yet."

 

His eyes roam my face as we sit in silence. They land on mine, and I can't look away. Or maybe, I just don't want to. They're such a dark shade of blue they could easily be mistaken for black, and I find myself memorizing the exact spot where there's a little fleck of light blue in the left eye. I bite my lip for a quick second out of habit, and his eyes are instantly drawn down to my lips; I glance down at his too.

 

"You don't have to say anything if you don't want to," I say as I look away, breaking the silence. "Those bags are for you. I know that for whatever reason, you don't like to come out, so I thought I'd give you extra. Just in case." I stand and brush the dust from my pants after a long bout of silence. "I'll go now, but I mean it. If you need anything, we're here for you."

 

I'm almost at the landing when I hear, "We, or you?"  
"What?" I say as I turn and face him.  
"You keep saying 'we' and 'us', but I don't ever see anyone here but you. So is it us, or just you?" A moment passes before I answer him.  
"Me," I say softly. "I'm here for you."

 

He nods his head slowly as I start down the stairs.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The last couple days have been more of the same -watching, waiting, and hoping- until I can't stand it any longer. It's driving me crazy not having any sort of interaction with him.

 

I take the steps slowly, announcing my presence like always when I reach the landing. I wait for a few minutes, and when I don't get a response, I call out louder, a hint of panic in my voice.

 

The door that I know is Four's room is open. I walk down the hallway, nervous of what I might find; the room is completely empty. I let out a loud sigh that's part frustration, and part relief that he isn't injured or worse. I take one last look in the room for any signs of a struggle, and I nearly come out of my skin when I feel a light touch on my shoulder.

 

"Four!" I shriek. "You weren't here and I was worried and...why are you grinning like that?  
"I just didn't think you could get scared," he says, still grinning. It's the first time I've seen him truly smile.  
"Of course I can get scared. Why wouldn't I?"  
He shrugs. "You aren't really like the others. You never once backed down from me, even when I..."  
"Even when you...tried to scare me off?"  
"Yeah," he says, bringing a hand up to the back of his neck. "About that...thank you." I watch him closely as he rubs his neck. Is he... _nervous_?

 

"You're welcome. So where are your things?"  
"Oh. I umm, found a better room, with a lock on the door. And a working bathroom."  
"Oh," I say. "Smart."

 

He looks at me, and for a split second, his eyes flit away before making their way back, and I swear his tan skin now has a bit of pink to it.  
"I can show it to you, if you want. You know, so you can find me."  
"Okay," I say softly.

 

I follow him down one floor, and through the hallway on the left to a large open area. "This was probably some fancy entryway or waiting room once. They can provide good coverage though, if necessary," he says as he runs his hand along one of the large columns placed sporadically throughout the room. He walks around it, disappearing from view for a moment, before coming out on the other side. I follow as he weaves his way through them.

 

"I don't know what this building used to be, but this room has a pretty decent lock," he says when we reach the other side.  
"Is it that bad?" I ask.  
"What?" he says, turning to look at me.  
"Living here. Being Factionless."

 

He opens his mouth, but shuts it without a word, opting to shake his head instead. I nod and push past him, opening the door to his new room.

 

It's larger than the last. His mattress is in one corner, and there is a full wall of shelving on which he has placed all of the items I gave him. There is also a large wooden desk with two chairs that are still in decent shape in front of it.

 

"That other door leads to the bathroom," he says.  
"It's nice," I say, and he scoffs. "What? It is. It's actually not much more than the homes in Abnegation. I've never been in another Factionless building, but I imagine they aren't all like this." I survey the items he has on his shelves, and make a mental note of what he might be needing soon.

 

"So next week is our final week of initiation."  
"I know," he says. "What are you going to do afterwards?" I wonder for a second how he knows, but I remember he was Dauntless, and they know almost as much about  
this time of year here as we do.  
"Well, I'm pretty good with blood and needles I've found out, so I think I'm going to work at the hospital."  
"That sounds...nice."  
"Yeah. Nice."

 

I turn as he takes a step towards me, followed by another, and another. My breath hitches in my throat as I try to remember how to speak. "Next week," I say, my voice slightly wavering.  
"I know about next week," he says quietly, "And...I wouldn't feel right, leaving you out there on your own."  
"There will be extra Dauntless patrols," I say, curious where this is coming from.  
"I know, Beatrice," he says with a small smile. "Please, stay here with me. You're the first person since I've left who has treated me like I was more than...this," he says, gesturing towards his mattress and small stash of food. "I've let so many people down, and if I couldn't...if you were hurt..." His eyes drop first, followed by his head.

 

"What happened?" I ask.  
"It's not important," he says. "I'm here now."  
"It's important to me," I say softly.

 

He looks up, and there is the faintest hint of a smile on his face. I'm not sure why, but I know trust him. I reach a tentative hand out, and find his hand easily. I lace my fingers with his and give it a small squeeze; my heart skips a beat at the energy I can feel pass between us.

 

"I'll be back in two days," I say.  
"Okay."

 

 

* * *

 

 

I take my shower later than normal, for no reason other than to be away from everyone. I like the others well enough, but Abnegation small talk isn't something I'm too fond of. It never really evolves past things like volunteering, polite dinner invitations, and the Factionless. The girls were talking about which boys they wish would court them when I left, and now it has me thinking.

 

Susan was right, Robert would have been who I ended up with, whether I wanted it or not; he was the most logical choice. I only ever spoke with two other boys from our faction regularly, Jonah and David, and I didn't really get along with either one of them. Truthfully, I think I've had more meaningful conversations with Four, and I hardly know anything about him.

 

Four.

 

Again, this boy I barely know has found a way to fill my thoughts. This time though, I think about just him, instead of his circumstances. _Would_ he be the type I would want to court me? I want to say I surprise myself by the immediate _yes_ I think, but I know that's a lie. I think that maybe the Dauntless part of me desires to know what life would be like with someone like him. Or maybe, it's just me, and my aptitudes have nothing to do with this.

 

I run my soapy hands over my body, and it feels...different. _Good_. Four's face flashes in my mind for a brief second, and I can feel all of these thoughts manifest into something completely new.

 

My hand trails down my stomach, and when I touch myself, I have to clench my jaw tight to keep from making a sound. Each thought slowly turns into a steady rhythm; his deep voice, the fullness of his bottom lip, the spark I felt when his hand touched mine.

 

But it's not just that, no. It's just... _him_. The way he holds himself. The way he is strong yet vulnerable. The way he let his guard down, even if it was just a little bit. In no time my legs are shaking as I see stars ignite behind my clenched eyes; I smile.

 

I take a minute to steady myself and my breathing -which is still ragged despite the time that's passed getting dressed and brushing my hair- before heading back into the dorm and settling into bed. I smile again as I think about Four; I picture a life in Dauntless, a life free from the restrictions of Abnegation, where I can do whatever I want. I can talk to, touch, even kiss a boy, without fearing the Abnegation shame that follows.

 

A small part of me feels guilty for thinking the way I do, for taking pleasure in the things that I'm not supposed to. But the larger part knows that I'm not like the other Abnegation, and I think I like that part of me the most. As I drift off to sleep, I wonder if Four has thought about me too.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Ms. Day takes us to the Distribution Center to prepare for our last week. We have to pick a faction other than Abnegation and change into their clothes in hopes of keeping us out of harms way. Mostly it's to keep the attention off of ourselves; always projecting outward, until we disappear.

 

I dig deep until I find Dauntless black. Changing into these clothes is like being reborn; tight pants, tight tank top, revealing skin. Everything I could have been and everything I am not. I pull my hair from it's strict bun. When I shake it out Susan stares at me, mouth open; I like her reaction.

 

We pack ourselves the same bags with the same items that every new Factionless gets with one exception- we can take our first-aid kits with us in case of an emergency. We're also given explicit instructions on what areas to avoid, as well as where and how the Dauntless will be patrolling from Shauna.

 

"See you girls in a week," Ms. Day says from the steps of the distribution center. Shauna and two other guards escort us to the edge of the Factionless sector, and take notes on where we'll be staying.

 

When I break from the group, Shauna gives me a wink and a thumbs up, and I smile. I'm starting to think that maybe the things we are taught about Dauntless aren't as truthful as they should be.

 

"Four!" I call out as I make my way down the hall. "I'm here. I hope you-"  
I stop mid sentence, cut off by the sight of blood.

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

“Four!” I yell out as I skid through his door, tossing my things aside. The faint trail of blood I followed leads to a small pool just outside of the bathroom. I close and lock his bedroom door, unsure of who or what might be lurking in the building still, and steel myself as I make my way to the bathroom.

 

“Oh god Four, what happened?” I ask as I rush in. He's sitting in the bathtub, wet and a little bloody. His eyes seem to get a little wide when he sees me.  
“It's nothing. It's fine. I'm fine,” he says hurriedly.  
“You are not,” I say as I kneel beside the tub. “Let me see.”

 

He huffs out a breath and squeezes his eyes tight before nodding. “Okay just, slowly.”  
“Okay,” I say. He turns slightly and I see that he's cut on the back of his arm, just above his elbow. “I need to clean it to get a better look at it. Wait here.”

 

I grab my first-aid kit and an empty bottle from his desk. “This is going to sting,” I say as I fill it with water.  
“I know. I already tried to wash it off,” he says, motioning to his wet clothes.  
“Take a deep breath.”

  
I pour the water over the cut, and smile when Four mutters a faint _shit_ under his breath.  
“Well, it's not bleeding as bad as I thought it would be, so that's good,” I say. “I can stitch you up.”  
He nods as I take the items I need out of my bag and place them on the counter.

 

“This is probably going to hurt,” I say as I dab antiseptic in and around the wound. “I have numbing drops, but I've been told that they don't really help as much as an injection does.”  
“Just do it,” he says gruffly. “I'll be fine.”  
I pierce his skin with the needle, and he lets out a small groan. “I know, I'm sorry. Just remember to breathe.” He nods and I continue on.

 

My eyes flit up for a second as I watch him take deep, calming breaths. I can see his tattoo more now- or a part of it at least. The way it creeps up onto his neck and over his shoulder makes me wonder what possesses someone to do something like that. I know that tattoos are part of the Dauntless culture, but still, it must have been painful.

 

“So,” he says, straining to keep his voice steady, “You're dressed in black.”  
“Oh, yeah,” I say, trying to concentrate on his arm instead of the fact that he noticed. “We have to change for initiation.”  
“Oh,” is all he says, and I feel myself blush just a little.

 

“Just one more and you're all set,” I say. He lets out a loud breath and deflates slightly. He must have misunderstood what I said, because he jumps as the needle pierces his skin, and it pulls the suture tight.

 

“Bea-ahh!” he says as he sucks the air in between his teeth. “Triss,” he hisses out on his exhale. I let out a little laugh as I cut the suture and dab it dry, placing a bandage over it.  
“I told you I still had one more.” He glares at me over his shoulder, and I smile.

 

I help him up out of the tub and watch as he sits in one of the chairs. “Thank you,” he says.  
“You're welcome. So what happened?” I call out as I wet one of the towels he has in the bathroom. There is a long silence, and for a moment I wonder if he has passed out. I look out the door quickly to find him staring at the floor. I don't press the question as I lean against the doorframe, watching him clearly debate if he wants to answer me.

 

“I was on the roof,” he eventually says. “I was trying to get a better idea of exactly where I'm at in relation to, say, the Hub or the Distribution Center.”  
“This building's only five stories. You'd have to go higher than that to see something other than the Hub,” I say.  
“I know that now,” he says, giving me a sharp look as I walk towards him.

 

“Anyways,” he continues, a hint of irritation in his voice now, “When I came down, someone had come in, and well, they caught me off guard. Those damn columns work too well. It would have been worse, but I saw them and spun at the last minute. That's how he got the back of my arm.” My eyes flit to the door for a second, which is still locked. I don't like the idea that someone else was here.

  
“Do you know who it was? I can press for a hearing. All you'd have to do is testify against him and he could go to jail.”  
“No,” he says firmly. “I just need to be more cautious. You should be careful around a young guy with an eyepatch though.”

 

“Was he Dauntless too?” I ask, and Four raises an eyebrow at me.  
“Yes.”  
“His name is Edward,” I say as I recall that he was stabbed in the eye. A much worse thought makes it's way to the front of my mind. “You didn't...hurt him, did you?”  
“No,” he says quietly. “No I didn't.”

 

I watch his face as he looks down, lost in thought for a moment. He looks up at me with a small smile, but whatever he was thinking about is still evident in his eyes.  
“Here,” I say, handing him the towel. “So you can wipe the rest of the blood off your arm.”

 

I grab my bags that were tossed aside, open the one with the supplies, and start placing them on the shelf alongside Four's. It's when I reach my clothing that I realize that Four has been oddly silent. I turn back to him and see that he is staring intently.

 

“I'm sorry,” I say. “I just thought that since I was going to be here for a week, that I would just put my stuff with yours, and it'll be organized when I leave. I can put it somewhere else, or back in the bag if you want.”  
“No. It's fine.” I nod and put my clothes on the shelf next to his.

 

“Hey,” I say, taking down a shirt and pair of pants. “You should get out of those wet clothes.”  
“It's fine. I'm fine. I'm not that wet,” he says quickly.  
“Four, your shirt is dripping.” He looks down at his arm and then his pants before looking back up at me. “I'll turn around,” I say, hoping the blush I can feel coming on isn't too noticeable. I set the clean clothes on the desk and turn around.

 

I can hear him moving and making some noises for a few minutes, ending with a long and drawn out sigh. “Beatrice,” he mumbles, “I don't think I can move my arm quite right to get it on.”

 

I nod and remind myself that I'm just helping a patient, that's all this is. He is injured, and he requires my help. I turn to face him and freeze in place; he's changed his pants, but his shirt is off. I can see every muscle and every inch of skin and part of another tattoo and I can't stop staring. He holds his shirt out towards me, and it takes me a moment to even acknowledge that he's done that.

 

I take the shirt and slide it over his injured arm carefully, guiding his head down far enough to help slide it over. I arrange it so it's straight and he can pull his good arm into the other sleeve.

 

“Thanks,” he says quietly.  
“You're welcome,” I say, feeling a bit nervous being in such close proximity; I can feel his breath -the warmth and the way it glides across my neck and shoulder- and it sends a wave of goosebumps over me.

 

I have to clear my throat before I speak, because my mind is suddenly filled with the memory of my shower and Four's face. “You should lay down, get some rest. Your body heals faster when you sleep.” He looks at me for a moment, his eyes looking tired and grateful for the suggestion, and nods.

 

I don't know what to do now, so I sit in a chair and wait. Four tosses and turns, grunting each time, before finding a comfortable spot and dozing off. I look around the room and find my focus drawn to the blood on the floor. I remember the state of bathroom too, and get up. There isn't anything to clean with that I can see in here, so I carefully unlock the door before setting out to explore the building.

 

There isn't much of anything in the rooms, just a few random pieces of furniture like chairs and desks, but I do find a small closet with some rags and a bucket, as well as a few other cleaning supplies. I think about what Four said as I walk back, how he was taken by surprise, and I want to do something about it.

 

I pull out the easy items -chairs and small tables- and carry them into the room with the columns. I arrange them so only a couple of columns will be able to be hidden behind, ones that only Four and I will know about, and use the furniture to create an obstacle course of sorts.

 

When I'm finished with that, I get to work cleaning up the blood, and washing it out of the towels and Four's wet clothes. I lay them over the tub to dry, turning my attention to the pool of blood, and the trail that leads out of the room. I soak up what I can with the supplies I found, and take my time dabbing at each spot with a little cleaner and water, carefully washing away any evidence that anyone was ever here, let alone injured. When I return to the room, Four is sitting up.

 

“How are you feeling?”  
“Fine. Arms a little sore, but I'll manage. You didn't have to do that,” he says, gesturing to the bucket in my hand.  
“I know,” I say. “If you're up to it, I could use your help.” He follows me out of the room, and stops.

 

“I thought that maybe I would do what I could to help. You know, keep people from having a hiding spot. I left these two columns open,” I say, pointing to a column on each side of the room, “Because I thought they would be a good place hide, if you ever needed to.”

 

He looks at me for a moment before walking slowly around the room, stopping in front of me when he's done. I look up, unsure if I've overstepped my bounds, but I'm met with a small smile.

 

“That's very... _smart_ of you,” he says, his words echoing my own. “So what did you need help with?”  
“Well, there's another large desk like the one in your room, and I thought that maybe we could drag it out here in the entryway, as another deterrent. What do you think?”  
“Show me.”

 

I walk down the hallway with Four on my heels, and when we enter the room with the desk, he stops directly behind me. I can feel his breath again, and I close my eyes just for a moment, taking it in.

 

“It's going to be heavy,” he finally says, breaking me out of my moment. “Why don't we wait until my arm is healed more.”  
“Okay,” I say.

 

I sit in the chair as Four closes the door behind us, and locks it. “Do you know why?” I ask as he sits next to me. “Why he was here? Or why he attacked you?”  
“No. But if I had to guess, it's either because I was Dauntless, he wanted my things, or both.”  
“Why would he want to hurt you just because you were Dauntless?”  
“Well, I'm guessing he didn't lose that eye here,” he says flatly.  
“No,” I say quietly, “No he didn't. He left, with his girlfriend.”

 

He nods his head slowly. “Myra.” I look over at him, but he is just looking down, like he's lost in a thought.  
“So you _do_ know him,” I say.  
He sighs and looks up at me. “I was supposed to be their instructor during initiation.”

 

I watch him for minute, trying to gauge his reaction to everything that's just happened, and everything that's just been said, but he's calm, sad almost as he stares off at nothing in particular.  
“Do you think he recognized you?”  
“Yes,” he says.

 

We sit for what feels like hours, not saying anything, just stealing glances at each other every now and then. There's so much I want to say to Four, so many things I want to ask -mostly about why he left and why Edward lost his eye- but there's enough time for that later and I don't want to press my luck.

 

When the sun starts to set, Four stands and takes out a large metal bowl, lighting a fire inside of it with some scraps of paper and a few coals. He takes out a few cans, and stops, staring at the shelf full of supplies.

 

“What is it?” I ask, trying to see what he's staring at.  
“That son of a bitch stole my can opener.” I laugh.  
“Good thing I'm here then,” I say as I get up and grab the one that was in my bag.

 

* * *

 

 

I take my blanket down from the shelf before realizing that I don't have anywhere to sleep. I'm laying it out on the ground when Four walks out of the bathroom.

 

“What are you doing?”  
“Making a place for me to sleep.”  
“Take the bed,” he says, tipping his chin towards his mattress.  
“Oh, I couldn't. That's your bed Four. I'll be fine.”  
“Would you stop being Abnegation for five seconds and take the damn bed Beatrice,” he says. “I'll take the floor. Or the chair even.”

 

He huffs as he pulls his blanket from the mattress and sits in the chair. “What?”  
“Four isn't your real name, is it?” I ask. He looks at me questioningly, but shakes his head after a long moment.

 

“Well, since I'm no longer Abnegation, for the week at least, I want a nickname too. Beatrice just seems so...”  
“Stiff?” I give him a look and his mouth twitches up on one side.  
“I was going to say reserved, but yes, Stiff. Actually, I think you might have given me one already.”  
“Me?” he says, a look of confusion on his face.  
“Yes. Well, maybe not a true nickname, but something less Abnegation.”

 

I watch as he thinks back to earlier, at the things we've said and done. “Okay, I give.”  
“Tris.”  
“Tris,” he says, testing it out like he's tasting something sweet for the first time. A small smile plays at the corners of his mouth before he says, “Goodnight, Tris.”  
“Goodnight, Four.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

I open my eyes and see the light is faint. I listen for the sounds of heavy breathing, and when I hear nothing, I roll over to see Four looking out the only clean window in the room.

 

“Hey,” he says without looking at me. “How did you sleep?”  
“Fine, thank you.”

 

I sit up and watch him for a moment. He seems to be lost in his thoughts, even though he's well aware that I'm here and awake. When I move to stand, it seems to snap him out of it and he takes two quick steps and holds a hand out to me. I hesitate for just a moment, and as before, when I take his hand it's as if I can feel electricity throughout my entire body. I pull away as soon as I'm up, but the look on Four's face tells me that I'm not the only one who felt it.

 

“The shower isn't very warm, but it's bearable,” he says. I nod my head and grab my towel, closing the door behind me. I shower quickly and when I come out, Four has opened a couple cans of fruit. I sit in the chair next to him and we eat together in silence.

 

“So,” I say, breaking the stillness that's crept in, “What do you do all day?” He looks at me out of the corner of his eye, and I instantly feel like a jerk for asking. “That came out nothing like I meant.”  
“I know,” he says. “Well, before you, I just sat around avoiding everything and trying to not get hurt or worse. Now, I don't really know. You already cleaned and rearranged the place.”  
Now it's my turn to look at him, and I can see that faint hint of a smile on his face. “Well I see you're feeling better,” I say. “Let me take a look at it.”

 

I stand and so does Four. He faces away from me and I peel the bandage back carefully. “It looks good. No redness at all, so no signs of infection. With only five stitches, it should heal nicely.” As I gently smooth the bandage back down, I notice Four's breathing has become heavier than it was just a minute ago.

 

“Hey. It's okay. You're okay,” I say, pulling him so he faces me. “You know what can happen now, so it won't happen again.”  
“That's not...thank you,” he says. The thought crosses my mind that his breathing might have nothing to do with being attacked. I turn quickly to hide the blush I can feel in my ears and on my neck, wondering if it might be because of me.

 

“Do you want to go to the Factionless...uhh, headquarters?” I ask, hoping the subject change will make the last few minutes disappear.  
“The _what_?”  
“Well, that's not really what it's called. At least, I don't think it is. It's a building on Water Street, just south of Watson. This time of year a lot of the older Factionless gather there, and we send the newcomers their way. They help get some of them set up with jobs if they want it, direct them to safe housing, answer questions, things like that.”  
“I didn't know there was such a thing.”  
“Well, maybe you would have if you didn't try so hard to avoid me,” I say with a small smile. He looks a little shocked at first, but his face softens just a bit as the corner of his mouth turns up. “Come on. I shouldn't go since I'm not...you know. But I can walk with you.”

 

We make our way through the sector together; me trying my best to look like I belong, and Four constantly looking everywhere at once.  
“Is there something in particular you're looking for?” I ask.  
“No. Just keeping an eye out,” he says.

 

“This is it,” I say as we round the corner. Four holds his arm out and moves so I am behind him. I knit my brows together as I watch him take in our surroundings; first looking up and down the street, followed by looking at each neighboring building.  
“This one,” he says, nodding towards the shortest building in sight. He reaches back and takes my hand without looking, and pulls me towards it.

 

When we enter, he stands still and cocks his head to the side; I do the same, but all I can hear is the thumping of my own heart. He brings his finger to his lips and nods towards the stairs. I follow behind quietly, wondering if he even realizes he's still holding on to me. He looks in each room we pass and so do I; it doesn't seem like anyone is currently staying here. He pulls me into a room and closes the door behind us, breaking our contact in the process. My hand feels cold and empty, and I notice the slight shake out he does with his own.

 

“You'll have a clear line of sight from here,” he says, gesturing to the window. It's grimy like most windows, so I make a fist and rub a small clean line in one corner. “Keep the door closed. There's a closet in here, so hide in it if you need to. I'll come and get you, okay? Don't leave.” I nod. He looks at me for a moment, and I feel the need to say something, I just don't know what.

 

“I don't think anything will go wrong,” he finally says, and I furrow my brow again, “But if it does, wait until things have died down and get back. Lock yourself in our room. You'll be fine for the rest of the week.”  
He turns and leaves quickly, closing the door behind him. I slouch down the wall and smile at his choice of words.

 

I look through the window every so often and see random Factionless coming or going, but nothing that alerts me that anything could be wrong, so I continue to wait. If this is all there is for the Factionless, I understand why they take the less than desirable jobs that they do.

 

I have no idea how much time has passed -close to two hours is my best guess- when I hear footsteps coming down the hallway. I stand quickly and make my way into the closet. The door opens and I hear a soft, “Tris?”  
“I'm here,” I say as I come out of the closet, and he let's out a relieved sigh.  
“I'm sorry. I didn't plan on being in there that long, but some uhh... _things_ happened, and it just...” He reaches a hand up behind his neck and rubs it absentmindedly. He's done this before; nerves.

 

“It's okay. What happened?”  
“Not now. We need to get back,” he says as he walks over to the window. He looks out for a minute, before saying, “Come on.”

 

He holds his arm out the same as before when we reach the door, and when he takes my hand again, my entire body buzzes. I think I could get used to this feeling. We walk a few blocks, hand in hand, before he lets go.

 

“I was thinking,” I say as we walk, “That maybe you could teach me a little of what you know. Like, Dauntless stuff.”  
“Dauntless stuff?” he says with a small smile.  
“Don't laugh. You know, how to hit someone or use a weapon. Stuff that will help me when I'm out here. Just in case,” I say with a shrug.

 

He watches me as we walk and I keep my eyes on the ground, feeling embarrassed now that I asked. It sounded better in my head. He stops walking and so do I.

 

“Just say it,” I say.  
“Say what?”  
“That I'm too small or too weak to learn.”  
“You're small, yes, but you're not weak.” I look up and meet his eyes with mine. “Well, okay. You _are_ weak, but that can be easily changed. Do you really want to learn?” I nod. He looks at me for just a second more before continuing on.

 

We check our building for anything we can use when we get back, and find an old sack and some more rags in a closet.  
“Well, it's not a punching bag, but it'll do,” Four says as he holds it up. “I'll show you some techniques, and then you can practice on the bag.”

 

We focus on stance first when we're back in our room, as well as breathing and blocking. Minding his arm, Four demonstrates each punch methodically, as well as pointing out weak spots on both himself and me. He holds his hand up and I punch it, followed with critiques on my follow-through and instructions on how to put what weight I do have into each throw. I'm exhausted by the time he gets around to holding up the bag, but I push on, punching the way he taught me and practicing my follow-throughs.

 

“Well, that wasn't completely terrible,” he says as I flop down in the chair, and I shoot him a look. “A little time and practice, and you'll do just fine.” I take a long drink of water before standing back up.

 

“I'm going to shower,” I say as I head to the bathroom.  
“Hey,” he says, reaching for me; I turn and find him right on top of me. “You did good. I mean it, you'll see by the end of the week.” I look into his eyes as he looks into mine, and I can only nod.

 

My arm still tingles from his touch as I close the door. I strip my clothes off and stand underneath the spray, and once again, Four invades my thoughts. I smile, but I feel my flush as I think about what happened last time I was in the shower thinking about him. I shake my head and quickly wash and get out. It's late, so I'm not surprised to see Four warming up some food when I come out.

 

“Hungry?” he asks.  
“Yeah, actually.”

 

He sets the can of soup down in front of me and hands me a spoon and a few crackers. I nibble at them and watch as he heats up a can for himself, and when he catches me, I give him a little smile.

 

“So, what happened today?” I ask as he pulls his can off and sits down.  
“Ahh...it's actually a really long story.”  
“I have a week,” I say. He sets his food on the desk and looks at the floor.

 

I watch closely as he bites his lower lip, and I know he's debating again. Truthfully, I wish he would just tell me something, anything, about his past. Then again, it's not like I've offered up anything about my own life; I have secrets of my own.

 

“It's okay,” I say. “No need to rush. I stand by what I said though.”  
“What's that?”  
“I'm still a good listener.”  
He lifts his head to look at me, hesitating for a moment before saying, “I left.”

 

I look at him now; truly watch the way his mouth now curves down and how his jaw clenches, and I know this must be hard to talk about. “Why?”  
  


“I didn't like who I became there, but I hated what Dauntless had become more. It used to be about _actual_ bravery; doing the right thing and standing up for what you believe in. But now? It's nothing more than a competition to see who can be the bigger asshole. No thinking, just doing. I might have had a chance to-” He stops, and any amount of happiness he showed earlier has completely vanished. I frown as he takes a deep breath. “I'd rather be here than risk turning into the very thing I despise.”

 

His hands had balled into fists as he spoke, so I reach out, gently placing one hand over his. He closes his eyes and lets out a loud breath, and I feel his hand relax under my own.  
“I'm sorry,” I say. “I kind of know what it's like to be let down by something you once believed in.”  
He opens his eyes and looks at me expectantly.

 

“It's not really the same,” I start, “But my brother, Caleb, he was always so much better at everything. He knew how to be selfless, truly selfless. He would criticize me for the things I did -or rather- didn't do. I wasn't the first to give up my seat, or the first to run and help someone with whatever. He did it every day without hesitation and without fail.

 

“And then at the choosing ceremony, he chose Erudite, and everything I thought I knew about him was thrown into chaos. How could someone who was better than me in every single way _not_ be the thing they're so good at? And then I had to choose Abnegation out of necessity, not want-”

 

Now I stop. Four patiently waits while I take a deep breath and debate continuing on. He gives me a small smile; I think I only notice it because I've become used to the almost invisible signs of emotion he shows. His eyes are darker. Something about them has changed. They don't feel like a strangers eyes anymore, but rather eyes that care enough to look inside and see who I truly am, instead of who I pretend to be.

 

He moves his hand slowly until he has laced his fingers with mine. I don't dare look away, afraid if I do it will somehow make it not real. I bite my lip, and in a split second, Four's eyes have flicked down and back up. I take a chance and break eye contact by doing the same thing, only I let my eyes linger a little longer. When I bring them back up, his eyes are moving, taking in every last feature of mine.

 

“What were your test results?” he asks quietly.  
“Abnegation,” I answer quickly. _Too_ quickly. He raises an eyebrow, and my heart thumps hard in my chest. There's no harm in telling him, is there? He's Factionless; I don't think anyone will care what he has to say. But if this is really the dangerous thing I've been led to believe it is, then maybe I _should_ keep it to myself...

 

“Tris.”  
“Yes?”  
“There's so much more to you than Abnegation,” he whispers. “Anyone paying an ounce of attention to you could see that.” My heart beats even harder. He moves his thumb gently over the top of my hand, in small, soft circles. I don't know why, but it comforts me.

 

“Abnegation...and Erudite,” I say, and he nods his head just a little. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, focusing on the circles before I speak again. “And...Dauntless.”

 

It takes me a moment to realize I'm holding my breath, so I let it out slowly. I open my eyes and he's looking at me like he's... _happy_? “What?” I ask.  
“I'm not surprised,” is all he says, and I give him a small smile. He never breaks eye contact as he leans forward, stopping just inches from my face. “Your secrets safe with me,” he says quietly, and the mixture of emotions and secrets and trust in this moment makes me close the gap without hesitation.

 

I kiss him softly; quickly. I pull away, looking down as I feel the heat creep up the back of my neck. The silence seems to last forever, but I take the risk and look up. Through my eyelashes I can see he has that half-grin on his face he gets sometimes, and it makes me smile too. He reaches his free hand out and places it on my cheek, pulling my lips to his.

 

I don't know how much time passes, and I don't care. My body feels alive in a way it never has before and I am content to stay like this forever. We kiss, pull away for just a second to catch our breath, and kiss again- and again, and again. Each touch, each taste, is new and electrifying. His lips are exactly how I imagined they would be; soft, full and warm.

 

I finally pull away and clear my throat when my thoughts turn to other things; I know I can't be the only one.  
“We should finish dinner,” I say, motioning to our barely touched soup. His lips are red and swollen. I like that I did that to him.  
He clears his throat too, smiles and says, “Okay.”

 

I settle down in bed while Four gets situated in his chair. I close my eyes and smile as I realize there's at least one good thing about choosing Abnegation.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

“Morning,” I hear as I blink my eyes open. Four is walking up, fresh out of the shower.  
“Up already?” I ask, looking around the barely lit room.  
“I generally don't sleep well.” I study his face for a moment as he sits down on the bed next to me. “Did you want to train again?” I nod, grabbing his hand when he moves like he's going to stand back up.

 

“Listen,” I say. “About last night...” Butterflies fill my stomach as he looks down at me.  
“What about it?” he says with a small smile. He moves our hands to my hip, and I close my eyes, both relieved and terrified that none of it was my imagination. My heartbeat picks up as I think about my dreams last night, and what a simple kiss can lead to. I look around the room for a minute, trying to will the words to come out.

 

“It's ahh...just that I'm not very...you know. Experienced,” I mumble. I feel the heat flood my face as I avert my eyes, not really knowing how to express it any better, and praying he doesn't ask me to elaborate.  
“You know” he says just as quietly, “Contrary to popular belief, not everyone in Dauntless is having sex.” My mind races as I bring my gaze back to him and see the red that's cropped up on his cheeks. “Some of us weren't raised that way.”

 

I let out a small breath, but watch closely as he shifts just a little uncomfortably. "Tris, I'm not very good at this," he says.  
"Good at what?"  
"Everything. This. Opening up," he says quietly. "I haven't exactly had the greatest relationships with most people, and I generally don't trust just anyone."

 

My heart begins to thump hard, and I swallow thickly before I ask the next question. Part of me already knows the answer, but a bigger part of me thinks I might be wrong.

 

"Do you trust me?" He hesitates for just a second before nodding.  
"Good," I say, hoping the relief I feel isn't too obvious in my voice. "Because I trust you too."

 

I think about what he said as we sit in silence. _Some of us weren't raised that way._ The way he blushed, the way he doesn't really seem to act like a typical Dauntless, to me that can only mean one thing.  
“You were a transfer, weren't you?” He takes a deep breath and nods slowly. “Where?” I ask, already having an idea.

 

He brings his thumb up to his mouth, absentmindedly biting on his fingernail before rubbing it across his lip a few times as he stares off. I have to look away for a moment to keep my composure. When I look back, his eyes have found mine, and I can see the worry behind them.

 

“It's not that I don't...” he starts, taking a few moments to find the right words, “It's just that...I've spent a long time keeping secrets. I don't really know how to...not do that.”  
“It's okay,” I say, feeling myself slightly deflate. I had hoped that he would open up just a little bit, show me at least a small part of him; anything that ultimately led to us being here in this moment.

 

“You can tell me whenever you're ready. But I would like to point out that you already are.”  
“Already are what?”  
“Not doing it,” I say, getting a confused look in return. “You're letting go, just a little. You went from completely refusing my help to telling me you were a transfer. It might be slow, but it's progress.”

 

I sit up and scoot next to him, resting my chin on his shoulder; he looks at me out of the corner of his eye.  
“You don't have to worry,” I whisper in his ear. “I'll keep your secrets, the way you'll keep mine.”

 

He turns his head quickly, kissing me on my temple, my jaw, my cheek. I let out a soft sigh as he pulls my lips to his, and I relish the feeling of his hands as they explore my back, finding their way into my hair before trailing softly down my neck. He pulls away and closes his eyes as he rests his forehead against mine. I can feel the tremble in his hands as we sit there; I reach out, taking them in mine, wishing I knew why it was happening. Or what to say to make it stop.  
“Tobias,” he whispers, the tremble not confined to just his hands. “My name is Tobias Eaton.”

 

My heart gives a little jump at the recognition of his name. I pull away and search his face, but there's no need. Now that he's said it, I instantly recognize those same eyes that have sat across from me at dinner a few times; Marcus' eyes. He looks away, but I turn his face back to mine.

 

He lets out a ragged breath, and I pull him into me, holding on as tight as I can. His breaths are quick and heavy; I rub my hand up and down his back hoping to ease whatever discomfort he has. He buries his face in my neck and I let him, enjoying the feeling of his breath as it sends a wave of goosebumps all over my body. I feel a little guilty as all of the rumors of abuse flood my memory, and my heart drops a little when I think about him leaving Abnegation.

 

“It's true, isn't it?” I ask softly. He tenses slightly, but I hold on even tighter. “I'm not going to judge you, and I'm not going anywhere either. I'm not even going to pretend I fully understand why you did what you did, but I don't...I'm not...I'm sorry,” is what I finally finish with, because I honestly don't know what else to say. “I'm so sorry, Tobias.”

 

He slumps just a little before pressing into me even harder. If there was even an inch of space between us before, there isn't now. I'm vaguely aware of of the way he's breathing now- long, slow and deep; it's the breathing technique we learned as children. It was something we were taught to do to keep calm, instead of fighting like the children of the other factions. He pulls away slowly, and I instantly feel like I'm missing a piece of me without his touch.

 

“Are you okay?” I ask. He keeps his eyes trained on the ground, but he nods slowly. “I mean it, Four. I won't ever say anything to anyone. Your secret stays here, in this room, and with me.”  
“I know it will, Tris.” I smile and lean in, pecking him softly on the cheek. I make sure he is fine one more time before I head to the bathroom and change, pulling my hair back in a ponytail in preparation for a day of training. When I come out, Four is sitting at the desk with breakfast, somewhat calm for what just took place. I take the can of fruit he's holding out and join him.

 

“Tris,” he says, a slight tremble in his voice still, “I spent a long time running from who I was -who I _am-_ and, well, I'm just tired.” I watch as he lifts his eyes to mine, and I can see the hurt that's there, but I can see something else too. Something like... _hope_.

 

“I need to keep my secrets, I think for now, because it's just better that way. But now that you know...it's just that I haven't heard it in so long, and I never thought that I would...” he trails off, bringing a hand to the back of his neck.

 

“Tobias,” I say, understanding what he's trying to ask me. He closes his eyes, so I say it again. “Tobias.” Before I can even think, his face is inches from mine.  
“Thank you,” he says as he takes my face in his hands. His lips tenderly touch my forehead, and I smile. I don't know how such a small gesture can send jolts of electricity throughout my entire body, but it does.  
I look into his eyes as he pulls away and say, “You're welcome.”

 

We eat in silence, and it strikes me that it's not uncomfortable in the slightest. I realize that all those times I was watching, trying to figure out how relationships work, I never considered this aspect of it. My heart gives a little jump when I realize what I was just thinking, and I look over to Tobias quickly, as if he could somehow read my thoughts. He's busy with his food, and I'm relieved, for I'm sure my face had a panicked look on it, even if only for a second.

 

 _Relationship_ I think. Is that what this is? It's not like I would mind. I've obviously thought about it -about him- and in more ways than one. I feel my cheeks get hot, among other things, and the heat travels to my ears and my neck as I try my best to change the subject in my head. A quick glance up and I can see that Tobias has stopped eating, spoon frozen in place half way to his mouth, which is drawn up into that half-grin he gets sometimes.

 

“You okay?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.  
“Fine. I'm fine,” I say, setting my food down and standing abruptly. I turn and head into the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I take a deep breath as I lean against it, closing my eyes for just a moment. I move to the sink and splash some water on my face, trying to ignore the redness I can see as I look in the mirror.

 

I touch my face. Even though it's always been here, this is the first time I've actually looked at myself in the mirror. I pull my hair down from it's ponytail and run my fingers through it. It lays softly over my shoulders, and it makes me look older.

 

I look at my large eyes, my long nose, my thin lips, and wonder what it is about this combination that Tobias likes. I'm plain like every other Abnegation girl, except my clothes are too big, my chest is too small, and my stature is too short. I sigh as I open the door. Tobias is still in his seat, looking somewhere between confused and concerned.

 

“I think that maybe we should talk,” I say quietly. He looks at me for a moment and nods, gesturing for me to sit back down, but I stay put. “I'm Abnegation, and you're Factionless.” I pause, uncertain how to word what I'm trying to say. I bite my lip for a moment, and don't miss the fact that Tobias instantly brings his eyes down. “What are we doing?” I finally blurt out.

 

“Well, you're finishing your initiation, and I'm making sure you don't get hurt.”  
“No, Tobias, that's not-”  
“I know, Tris. But what do you want me to say?” He runs his hand through his hair. “I know that you'll complete your initiation, and that sometimes you'll visit, but that's it. You're the desired, and I'm not,” he says firmly. He looks down at his feet before quietly adding, “I don't know.”

 

“That's not true,” I say softly. He looks up, eyes searching mine as he waits patiently for me to continue. My heart thumps so loudly, I almost miss the words as they escape my mouth. “I desire you.”

 

He closes the gap between us in one large step. His lips are on mine, kissing me in a way I've never seen before, let alone felt. The feelings I have growing inside of me are like nothing I have ever known before. I have never desired, nor have I ever been desired, and for the first time ever, I think I can understand what it means to be in love. I pull away slowly and rest my head on his chest, and his rapidly beating heart brings a smile to my face.

 

He holds on tight, like he's afraid that if he lets go, I'll leave. I look up, and find his blue eyes searching mine.  
“The question still stands, Tobias,” I say softly.  
“I know, Tris. I know.” He kisses my forehead. “There's something I think you need to see.” I look at him questioningly, but he takes my hand, and leads me out the door.

 

“What are we doing here?” I ask as we round the corner.  
“Shh. Just listen and watch,” he says as I follow him. My heart beats nervously as we walk through the entrance to Factionless headquarters.

 

It's larger than it looks from the outside; it was probably once an old warehouse. There are Factionless as far as I can see, organizing and exchanging clothing and food, talking and laughing, chasing around small children, living their lives. We take our time walking through the various designated areas, and my eyes flit around trying to take in as much as possible. The farther in we go though, the more people start nodding their head in greeting to Tobias, and by extension, me.

 

“Four,” I whisper, but he stays silent, reaching back and taking my hand instead. He increases his pace, and instead of wandering around aimlessly, he begins to lead me on a direct path somewhere. We reach a set of stairs that heads to a room that overlooks the entire building. Two large men block the way.

 

“Move,” Tobias says forcefully, and it takes me by surprise. I had almost forgotten this part of him existed. The taller guard moves immediately, but the one with the eyepatch stays put, a snarl curling over his teeth; it takes just a moment for it to register.

 

“Edward?” I say from behind Tobias. He gives me a quick glance before rolling his eyes. Or eye, I should say.  
“Fraternizing with the stiff?” he says, and Tobias takes a step forward, inches from Edward's face.  
“Move.”  
Edward clicks his tongue. “Temper, temper,” he says, before shuffling out of the way. Tobias glares at him for a second before pulling me up the stairs after him.

 

He knocks on the door once, opening it before being invited in. “Your lackeys out there are doing a bang up job,” he says. An older woman with tan skin and long curly hair turns around. “Evelyn, this is Tris. Tris, this is Evelyn. My mother.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

“Hello, Tris,” she says, and nods in my direction. I nod back, too in shock to do anything at this moment. I don't remember the funeral -I was very young- but I do remember hearing about it during the time Tobias transferred, when Erudite launched their attack on Abnegations values and ability to lead the government. I look back and forth between the two of them; while he has his fathers eyes, the rest of him is clearly his mother.

 

“Are you recently Factionless?” she asks, taking in my appearance as she looks me up and down.  
“No,” Tobias answers before I can even open my mouth. “She's Abnegation.” Evelyn levels Tobias with a look before putting a smile back on her face.

 

“How...nice. Tris isn't an Abnegation name. Are you a transfer?”  
“No,” I say when I realize Tobias is done talking for me. “My name is Beatrice.”  
“Clever,” she says, turning her back on us, focusing on the papers in front of her instead. “I must say, I'm surprised to see you here so soon, Tobias.”  
“It's not for me, it's for her.”

  
I have absolutely no idea what is going on, but it piques Evelyn's interest. “Oh? And how so?”  
“Her last name is Prior.” At this Evelyn stops fussing with her papers and turns back around.  
“Prior? Andrew Prior is your father?”  
I look to Tobias, who gives me a quick nod. “Yes.”

 

Evelyn walks up to me now, slowly pacing a circle before stopping back in front of me. I don't know what my father has to do with anything, but between that and the way Evelyn's eyes rake over me, I find myself wishing I could get out of this room this instant.

 

“Yes, I can see it now. You look just like your mother. So get on with it Tobias,” she adds, looking at her son. “What do you want?”  
He shakes his head. “Nothing. We'll be leaving now.”

 

He grasps my hand firmly, but gives me a gentle tug when I don't move. Something about her has me rooted to the spot. I'd like to think it's because she's supposed to be dead, but I know that's not it.

 

“I-it was nice to meet you, Evelyn,” I sputter out as my legs finally allow me move.  
“Oh, Beatrice. So _polite_ ,” she says as she crosses her arms, watching as we leave.

 

We make our way back down the stairs, Edward trailing us as we carve our way back through the warehouse. Once we're out, Tobias pulls us into an alleyway, watching silently from the shadows.  
“Care to tell me what that was all about?” I ask.  
“When we get home.” A few more minutes pass before Tobias decides it's safe, and we make our way back.

 

“I'm sorry,” Tobias says as he closes and locks the door. “I shouldn't have sprung that on you.”  
“No, you shouldn't have,” I say. Sometime on the walk back, I got over my initial shock. I feel like I have a million questions running through mind, but start with the most obvious.

 

“How long have you known?” He looks at the ground for a long time before answering.  
“A little over a year. She got a note to me, in the Dauntless compound. I met her one night on the train. She explained to me why things had to happen the way that they did. I didn't forgive her then -and I still don't- but I needed you to see it.”  
“See what? Her?”  
“No. Well, yes, but no. The Factionless.”

 

I watch as he moves to the window, motioning for me to follow him. “What do you see when you look out there?” I scrunch my eyebrows, but step forward and look out.  
“Nothing right now,” I say.  
“What do you assume you'll see?”  
“Maybe a few Factionless passing by, or someone from Abnegation.”  
“Now what did you see when I took you into their headquarters?” I look up at him as he continues to look out the window, but don't answer the question.

 

“Unity,” he answers after a while. “They don't live like we're told they do. They work together, look out for one another. Except,” he says, finally looking down at me, “They don't have the restrictions of the factions. They're free to be whoever they want to be.” He reaches out and cradles my cheek in his hand. “I'm free to be whoever I want to be.”  
“And I'm not,” I say quietly.

 

I lean in and rest my head on his chest. I find myself matching his rhythm; breathing in when he does, exhaling just the same. We stand that way for a while as I try to make sense of everything.

 

“So what happened?” I finally ask.  
“Evelyn?” he asks, and I nod. “She wanted to leave my father; I'm sure you can figure out why. But you know, the Abnegation don't divorce. She decided to become Factionless instead to get away, but that wasn't good enough for him, so she faked her death.”  
“How old were you?”  
“Seven.”

 

I close my eyes, putting myself in his place. I don't know what I would have done if I had been in his position at such a young age. And then to find out after all these years that that he attended a fake funeral for the mother who was still very much alive- one who left him behind with someone like Marcus? I pull Tobias into me, and hold on tight, understanding at least a little more why he doesn't trust anyone; I wouldn't either.

 

“She left me with that-” I feel his body shift forward slightly. I hold on tight, trying to give him all of my strength. “She didn't think he would turn on me. That it would be safer to leave me there than bring me out here, but it wasn't.” My eyes well up a bit, thinking of how horrible it must have been; where you see transferring -or faking your own death- as your only option.

 

He clears his throat and says, “She's their leader. She tried to recruit me to be her second in command, but I don't want anything to do with it.”  
“Leader?” I say, my head swimming with all this information. The Factionless don't have a leader. Then again, we were taught they lived solitary, miserable lives without the factions for support. At this point, everything and nothing seems to be surprising me.

 

“Wait. Anything to do with what?” I ask, looking up now.  
“She wants the Factionless to be formally recognized, to be equal in the way that the other factions are, but she's going about it the wrong way. She thinks intimidation and force is the only way to make the other factions see their value.” The Factionless be... _equal_? I mull this over a bit, finding myself more confused than ever.

 

“What do you think?” I ask, unsure if I really want to hear his answer.  
“I think...that you should consider talking to your father, maybe work with him.”  
“Work? I don't...work with him how?”  
“Follow in his footsteps. Do it right. Make the change from the inside.”

 

I furrow my brow as he says this. “I'm...nobody,” I say. “What makes you think I can do anything even remotely close to what you're suggesting?”  
“Look at you, Tris. Do you understand how dangerous it is to be like you? They will _kill_ you if they find out.” My heart races as his words echo through my mind. _Kill_. They will kill me over something I have no control over. I didn't ask to be this way.

 

“Tris, that danger only exists because they're afraid that they can't control you. They cant keep you locked into one place, never questioning, just living the life they tell you to live. Do you want to live a life like that? Being in constant fear of being found out? Having to choose between being something you're not, or... _this_?” He takes a step back from me and gestures around his room; I frown.  
“No,” I say softly.

 

I lean against the window and bite my lip, thinking about everything he just said. As much as I would love for it to be that easy, I know it won't be. The city has existed like this -peacefully- for hundreds of years. Who am I to disrupt that?

 

I look around the room again -at the sparse furniture and clothing, the slowly decaying walls, the dirtied windows- and I think to myself, why? Why do we do this to the people that we love? Marcus _must_ have loved Evelyn once. How could he do this to her? Nobody deserves this, regardless of what they did. And then to kill someone just for being _different_? I look back to Tobias, but he is focused on something else; on me. I let my lip loose and he draws his eyes back up to mine. For whatever reason, I feel the courage now to finish the point I was trying to get across earlier.

 

“Tobias,” I say softly. “Why me?”  
“Why you what?”  
“Is it because I'm here and it's convenient?”  
“Tris, I'm not following.”  
“I'm plain and small and...boring,” I say, reaching out and running a finger across his shoulder- across the visible part of his tattoo. “I'm sure there were other girls-”  
“I don't care about those other girls,” he interrupts. “I told you, I'm nothing like them.”  
“No, I know. It's just all too...” I stop, realizing where my thoughts have been leading me. “Convenient. Tobias, did you offer to let me stay here because of who I am?”

 

He pulls back from me, his eyebrows knit together tightly. “Tris, I don't understand.”  
“I told you my name, and now you suddenly want to introduce me to your mother, who is supposed to be dead I might add, and tell me to follow in my father's footsteps?”  
“Tris, I don't know where this is coming from, but I only found out about all of this yesterday. At first I wanted to show you because _I_ didn't know how to fully process it. But then I had that thought about changing things as we walked through there, and I knew I needed you to see her to believe. I spent the better part of last night pacing this room, trying to figure out how to say it, how to explain it to you.”

 

“I thought you met your mother before,” I say quietly, trying my best to keep calm.  
“I did. But it didn't have anything to do with _this_. She tried to apologize and fed me bullshit excuse after bullshit excuse for what she did, and I told her to save her apologies, because they were nothing but empty, meaningless words, and walked away. I had no idea she was going to be there yesterday, and certainly not in that capacity. She told me she wanted me to join her the first time around, but I had cut her off, thinking that she wanted to play some sick, twisted version of house now that I was somewhere she could reach me. When I chose to become Factionless, it was hard, Tris, for more that just the obvious reasons. I knew I ran the risk of not only running into her, but Marcus too.”

 

Tobias' voice has been slowing rising this entire time. He pauses for a moment, and I watch a wave of realization flash across his face. His gaze falls to the floor, fixating on an invisible spot in between us. When he speaks again he is quiet; wounded.

 

“Why do you think I hid from you? I saw you, Tris. I _saw_ you, and something immediately pulled me to you, but I still stayed hidden.”

 

I close my eyes and think back to that day, looking up in the window and feeling like I was being watched. Even though I didn't realize it then, I was being pulled towards him too.

 

His words are like a slap to my face. This life he has lived hasn't been easy. He told me flat out that he doesn't trust just anyone, then told me a secret he's kept for years, and I just threw it all back in his face. I can feel tears threatening to form- I am an idiot.

 

“You don't have to stay, if you don't want to. But I would like it if you did, because...” He sighs loudly as he turns and walks towards the door, pausing with his hand on the knob. I want to stop him, ask him why he cares so much if I'm here or not, but the words won't come. “I'll give you some time to think. I need some too.”

 

The door closes and I can't fight the tears anymore. I let out a cry of frustration as I sink down the wall, hugging my knees. How could I have been so careless? So... _cruel_? He cares about me, and even if this never amounts to anything more that a couple of kisses, I sill owe it to him to be respectful and understanding. I am better than this. No, I _should_ be better than this.

 

 _Politics._ Could that be something I could do? I wouldn't stay hidden away in Abnegation, that much is for sure, and that poses a risk. I would have to work hard, harder than I ever have, at keeping my secret. And Tobias' too. But if anyone ever found out that I was fraternizing with a Factionless, the Erudite would have a field day, and I would never be able to accomplish what he's asking me. Abnegation would never be taken seriously again.

 

The choices in front of me are simple: stay on my chosen path and at least have some sort of life, friendship or otherwise with Tobias, or leave him behind and try to make a change.

 

This is hard; no matter what I choose, we're both going to be hurt. I wipe my eyes and stand, knowing instantly what the right decision is. I grab my bag and start packing my things in it, taking only the bare minimum of everything else for what I need to survive the next few days.

 

I pull a label off a soup can to leave Tobias a note. It's difficult, but like ripping off a band-aid, it's better to do it and get it over with, instead of dragging it out and making it worse.

 

_Tobias-_

_I'll never forget you. Your secret will always be safe with me._

_Tris-_

 

I understand now why someone would sit through something so painful as a tattoo- the end result is worth it. I take one last look around the room before I head out the door.

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

_"I will be my undoing If I become my obsession.  
_ _I will forget the ones I love If I do not serve them.  
_ _I will war with others If I refuse to see them.  
_ _Therefore I choose to turn away from my reflection,  
_ _To rely not on myself  
_ _But on my brothers and sisters,  
_ _To project always outward  
_ _Until I disappear."_

 

I repeat the words in unison with the others as Marcus reads them from his prayer book. He smiles when he is finished, and I have to fight the urge to stand up and punch him right in that fake smile of his. I never noticed it before -I had always assumed that was just the way he was- but things have changed and I know better now.

 

An elder bends down in front of me, and I close my eyes as she removes my shoes and lifts my pant legs. The water is cold as it runs down my legs, and the harsh sensation instantly draws me back.

 

I spent the last few days of my initiation moving from building to building, in hopes that Tobias wouldn't be able to follow me. Last night though, I crept through the sector in the dark, and positioned myself in the building next to his. I stayed up all night, hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

 

In the early hours of the morning, he made his way to the window, and stared out for quite some time. Eventually he moved away, opting for push-ups -far more than I could keep track of- before moving out of sight again. I debated on saying goodbye for a long time, and when he finally came back into view, I knew I couldn't do that to him. He stood there, the makeshift punching bag in his hands, staring for a long time. Eventually he threw it to the ground, and let out an animalistic scream before punching a hole in the wall. He stood there for a minute, hand still in the wall, before pulling it out and slumping down to the ground. I can't be sure, but I think I saw him reach up and wipe his face a few times.

 

In the short time I had spent with Tobias, I felt myself pulling further and further away from Abnegation. But I chose Abnegation to be safe, and there is no turning back now. I have to forget all of this, and commit myself fully. I will never forget Tobias, but just like Caleb, I cannot dwell on him. I have to separate myself from them.

 

I'm vaguely aware that the elder is done, and open my eyes. She nods her head in respect, and I do the same as she stands and offers me her hand, helping me up and out of the water. She dries my legs and feet, and when everyone is ready, we are led into the dining hall.

 

Lunch has been prepared for us, and those of us who are Abnegation born lead in a prayer that is used only for special occasions; births, weddings, deaths. When we are finished, Marcus takes the first bowl, handing it to the left as custom dictates.

 

I watch as the bowls make their way around the table and wonder who thought this up, and why left? The conversation I had with Tobias runs through my head, and I know the answer; to keep us obedient. I smile politely throughout dinner, only speaking when spoken to. We are considered adults now and no longer have to abide by that rule, but I still do it anyway. I have no desire to play extra nice at this moment.

 

Rose and Krystal are assigned a house together, while Susan and I will return to our childhood homes. As we pack what little things we have to leave the dorm, I listen to their conversations. Rose and Krystal both are going to apply to work in the maternity ward -no surprise there-, but Susan says she is going to follow in my mothers footsteps; strict Factionless work.

 

As she talks, my first-aid kit catches my eye and I sigh, remembering that Tobias needs his stitches removed.  
“Susan?”  
“Yes, Beatrice?”  
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Susan gives the others a look, but comes over with a smile on her face. “I need a really big favor from you,” I say.

 

I tell her only what she needs to know, and explain how to find Tobias and that he needs his stitches removed. She gives me a questioning look, which is actually a little surprising, but she doesn't pry as to why I can't do it myself. I tell her at the last minute to tell the Dauntless boy that I sent her, and she'll be just fine. She nods and grabs her things before heading out the door, and I'm left alone.

 

I carefully remove the Dauntless clothing from the bag I brought back, and fold them so they are hidden within my Abnegation ones before leaving. I don't know why, but I can't leave them behind.

 

“Beatrice!” my mother says excitedly as I walk in the door. She takes my things from me and sets them on the table before wrapping her arms around me tight. “My beautiful girl. I missed you.”  
“I missed you too, mom.” She pecks me on the cheek and tells me to put my things away while we wait for my father to come home; he's allowed to leave work early today to welcome me back home.

 

When I come back down, she is in the kitchen, slicing up loaves of banana bread to hand out to the Factionless. I take the plastic wrap from her and start wrapping them, enjoying the simplicity of it all. When my father walks in the door, she gives me a quick nod and a smile, and I rush out to greet him.

 

“Dad!” I say, holding onto him tight.  
“I missed you too, Beatrice,” he says.   
“I need to talk with you,” I say, a little bit of my nerves coming through.   
“Okay. Let's go sit.”

 

I smile at my mother as I walk past the kitchen and join my father in the living room. It's an odd feeling, being here as an equal instead of a child.

 

“So, Beatrice, tell me what's on your mind.”  
“Well,” I start. “Initially I was thinking about working in the triage unit in the hospital after initiation...”  
“But...”  
“But, some things happened, and I think I would like to go into politics, with you.”

 

My father smiles a little, and tilts his head just a bit. “Funny, I always thought it would have been your brother that would have followed in my footsteps.” He stops, realizing what he just said, and his smile disappears. “No matter,” he says, clearing his throat. “What prompted this change of heart?”  
“It's kind of a long story,” I say.  
“I have time,” he says, giving me a reassuring smile.

 

I'm careful with my words, leaving out most of the details since everyone, _especially_ my father, would be very displeased with some of my actions. Instead I tell him about the things that I saw, the way they live -in groups and not alone- and how I would like to change that; allow them to become part of the system again, and stop them from ever becoming Factionless in the first place. My father was silent the entire time I talked. He doesn't say anything when I finish, and it makes me feel small and naïve.

 

“Say something,” I say.  
“Beatrice, I don't understand. You're wanting to change something that works?”  
“No, dad. Well, yes, but that's not just it. Why do we do this? Why do we toss aside those that we love? Our factions are supposed to be our family too and-”  
“Beatrice,” my father interrupts. “I don't know about this. If I were to go in there tomorrow and start telling everyone how I wanted to change our entire way of life, they would charge me with planning a conspiracy or treason.”

 

“Treason? Dad, this isn't treason. Or a conspiracy. It's _change_. Sometimes change happens. Obviously things were different before, and that's why our founders-”  
“That's why our founders set the system up this way. Change isn't always good, Beatrice.” I huff, irritated that I'm still being treated like a child.  
“But dad-”  
“Go to the hospital. You'll do wonderful there,” my father says, effectively dismissing me.

 

I stand, looking at my father for some sort of sign that this is all a cruel joke. He isn't this callous, is he?   
“Don't you find it weird that yesterday I could never have talked to you like this, yet today someone rubs some water on my feet and now I'm your equal?” I watch his face get lost in thought for a moment before turning and heading up to my room. The last thing I hear is a soft, “Andrew,” from my mother as I close the door.

 

I walk to my window and stare out it. I can see some of the rooftops of the buildings the Factionless live in in the distance, and I look in the direction I know Tobias is in.  
“I'm sorry,” I whisper.

 

I plop down on my bed and wonder if I'll be able to go back to him; if he'll accept my apology and my friendship again, not that I actually took it away from him. Somehow, I have turned all of this into a giant mess, and I feel like I'm just hurting everyone in the process, including myself. I don't care if I'm being selfish right now, I just want this feeling to go away. I try my best to put on a happier face when there's a soft knock on my door.

 

“Come in.” My father opens the door, and I sigh.  
“Your mother and I had a small talk, and she thinks it would be a good idea if you worked under me.”  
“Really?” I say, my mood instantly lifted.  
“Yes really. On one condition though. You will not train to go directly into a government position. Instead you will train to be a council member- an Ambassador. Jonathan Wilson is of retiring age soon, and having a woman take his place will look favorable to the other factions. They often make remarks how we are mostly older men on the council, so having you there will in the very least look good in their eyes; show them that we are striving to make progress.”

 

I narrow my eyes at my father. The more that he talks, the more I realize this is something to make Abnegation look better to everyone else, and it has nothing to do with me or his faith in my abilities. As bad as I want to say no on principal, I can't deny this opportunity. Council members often make the transition into government positions, and this might be my only opportunity.

 

“Okay,” I say. “When do I start?”  
“I still have to talk with the rest of the council, but tomorrow,” my father says with a smile.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**10 Months Later**

 

I walk into my new office and smile. Jonathan officially retired on Friday, leaving the weekend for him to clean it up for me to start fresh today. I run my finger along the nameplate -my nameplate- on my desk and smile even bigger.

 

I worked hard these past ten months, pulling double shifts in class, staying after hours with my father to memorize customs and laws and ordinances, and when it was time for me to take my verbal exam with the current leaders, I passed with flying colors.

 

I take some time to rearrange the things in and on my desk, and fill out some paperwork that was left for me. A knock on the door grabs my attention.  
“Come in.”  
“You have a visitor,” the office secretary says, and steps aside. I scrunch my eyebrows when Susan walks in.

 

“Susan,” I say, “Good morning.”  
“Good morning to you too, Beatrice.” I stare at her for a moment, rolling my eyes as I always do, and prompt her to talk knowing she won't do it first.   
“What can I do for you, Susan?” She takes a step forward, handing me an envelope. I raise an eyebrow as I take it, and when I move to open it she reaches out, stopping me.

 

“Not now,” she says quietly, looking behind her. Now my curiosity is really piqued; this is _Susan_. I nod and she smiles. “I looked after him, and he asked me to give you this.” My heart instantly pounds hard in my chest. I nod again; clearly I have underestimated her.

 

“Thank you,” I whisper. “Is he-”  
“Yes,” she answers quickly, and turns to leave. “That sounds wonderful, Beatrice. I'm looking forward to seeing you tonight for dinner,” she says as she excuses herself from my office.

 

I walk to the door, and notice that Robert Mills, the only person who seemed against me being here is at his desk, mere feet from my door. Susan is beginning to surprise me more each day. He gives me a sour look, but I smile at him and nod politely before closing my door.

 

My hand trembles just a bit as I tear the envelope open, and my breath catches in my throat when I see what's inside- a torn soup label with my faded hand writing on it. I hold it to my chest and take a deep breath. As much as I wanted to separate myself from him, I couldn't. I've thought about him every day for the past ten months, and every day I told myself that this was for him and that I made the right choice. He must realize it too, or at least I hope that's what this means. I stuff the label back inside the envelope, and place it securely inside my sweater pocket before getting back to work.

 

The day drags on the more I think about the envelope and Tobias. There weren't any meetings scheduled for today; the factions usually hold off for a week or two whenever a new ambassador is appointed to give them time to acclimate. I would have welcomed the unfamiliarity of it all over this though. I wade through the paperwork, approving and denying what things I can and scheduling meetings until it's time for me to leave.

 

“Mom?” I call out as I walk through the door.  
“In here,” she replies from the living room. I walk in and see her knitting a scarf to keep her supply up- my mother knits throughout the entire year to make sure she has enough to hand out all through the winter months.  
“I'm having dinner with Susan tonight. Just letting you know.”  
“Okay sweetheart.” Just then, there is a knock at the door.

 

“Oh, Susan,” I say, surprised to see her when I answer the door. “I was just telling my mom that I was having dinner with you tonight.”  
“Oh good. But there's been a change of plans. I ran into Krystal and Rose today, after I talked to you, and they would like to join us. So I thought it might be better to have dinner at their house.”  
“Okay,” I say, trying my best to not sound like I have no idea what's going on. “Give me a minute and I'll meet you over there?”  
“Okay, Beatrice.”  
As I walk up the stairs, my mother says “Susan is such a nice young girl,” and I smile.

 

I open my closet and take out the extra blankets I have stored in there, unfolding them to retrieve my Dauntless clothes. Blankets are about the only thing we have extras of in Abnegation, justified by not having to use the heat so much through the colder months so the other factions can use the energy instead. I change into them quickly, and thank the stars that the Dauntless wear such tight clothing. I put my loose skirt and shirt back on over them, as well as my sweater, and head out the door.

 

“Hello Beatrice,” Krystal says as she answers the door. “It's nice to see you again.”  
“Nice to see you too,” I say, keeping up with the formalities under the public eye. I hadn't realized, but Rose and Krystal's house is the last one before the field that separates Abnegation from the Factionless; Tobias is no more than a brisk ten minute walk from here.

 

I step inside and hand Krystal my sweater before turning to Susan. “Okay, you have got to fill me in on what is going on,” I say hurriedly.  
“I knew right away you meant something to him,” Susan says. “That day when you asked me to remove his stitches, at first he wouldn't let me come near him. When I threatened to get the Dauntless patrol, he caved. But before I left, he asked me to please stop by occasionally and let him know how you were doing.” Krystal and Rose both let out an _aww_ , and I shoot them a look.

 

“I stopped by every other week, telling him what I did or didn't know, and making sure he had what he needed. You left quite an impression on him, Beatrice, and the only reason I'm doing this is because the last time I saw him, when he gave me that envelope, he looked like he had a really rough night. He was limping and favoring his left side. He refused to let me check him or take him to the hospital. Instead he gave me the envelope and made me promise to give it to you.”

 

I try my best to keep a calm demeanor, but I know I'm failing by the looks on the faces in front of me. I close my eyes and think of Edward and Evelyn, trying to bully Tobias into their awful plans.

 

“Beatrice,” Rose says, and I open my eyes. “I don't know what's going on, but I won't say anything.”  
“Me either,” Krystal adds. Amity roots at their finest.  
I look at Susan, and after a moment, she sighs heavily. “I won't either.”  
“Thank you,” I say. “I promise that one day this will all make sense, but for now, you three are just going to have to trust me. And,” I add, smiling, “We'll probably have to have dinner a lot more often.”

 

The girls laugh, but quickly fall silent when I pull my hair from it's bun and start removing my clothing.  
“Wow. You look...”  
“Dauntless.” Rose says, finishing Krystal's sentence.  
“That's the point. Where can I keep these?” I say, motioning to my clothes.  
“I'll take them,” Rose says. I go to grab my sweater but stop, realizing that it looks out of place with my Dauntless attire. The mixture of the two factions would make me look Factionless, but I think looking more like I belong in Dauntless will serve me better. I take the envelope out and shove it in a pocket.

 

“I can fix that,” Susan says. “Not tonight, obviously, but I'll get you a Dauntless jacket.”  
“Susan,” I say. “You have no idea how much I appreciate this.” The three of them smile as I turn to look through the window. “See you guys in a few.”

 

Dinner time is dinner time in Abnegation, which makes cutting through the field a whole lot easier. I slow my pace once I enter the Factionless sector, making sure to not draw any more attention to me than necessary.

 

When I reach Tobias' building, I hesitate for just a moment, thinking about what I'm going to say to him. Sorry I left without saying goodbye because it was easier for me that way? Sorry I didn't take your feelings into consideration? Sorry I am completely and utterly _selfish_? I take a deep breath and push the door open. I'll know what to say when I see him.

 

I make my way carefully up the stairs, so I don't alarm Tobias with loud footsteps and yelling. The room with the columns looks exactly the same, except the large desk from down the hall now blocks three quarters of the entryway. I close my eyes, realizing we never even got a chance to move it. We never got a chance to do a lot of the things I wanted to do.

 

I make my way through the columns, looking to both sides to make sure nobody is hiding there, and take a deep breath before knocking on the door. I don't hear anything, and at first, I wonder if he's not here. After a minute I hear the door unlock, but it stays closed. I pause for just a moment and open the door cautiously; his room seems even darker than I remember it.

 

“Tobias?” I whisper as I walk in, and I hear a loud breath from right next to me. I spin, and am mere inches from him.  
“Jesus!” I say louder than I meant to, and hold a hand over my heart. He closes the door and locks it before making his way over to the desk. I can tell by the way he is slightly limping, he's hurt.

 

“What happened?” I ask as a dim light begins to glow. Tobias has a lantern -a solar lantern- that could have only come from Erudite. A quick look around and I can see that the windows have all been covered, which explains why it's so dark. I notice the strong smell of alcohol and some empty bottles strewn about.

 

“It's not important,” he dismisses.  
“Tobias, yes it is. And where did you get that?” I say, pointing to the lantern. I don't doubt there are some here, but I've never seen anyone with one before.  
He raises his eyes to me, an unamused look on his face. “I had forgotten how stubborn you are.”

 

I open my mouth to argue back, but stop as his words sink in. They hurt, and I deserve them. I take a few cautious steps forward, taking the envelope out of my pocket before sitting down. I patiently wait as Tobias looks me over, taking in every last inch of me as though he'll never see me again.

 

When he reaches my eyes I see nothing but heartbreak in them, and it physically pains me. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to remain as calm and steady as I can. I ignore the signs of hardship I see all around me; the thinning blanket, his longer hair, the hole in the knee of his pants.

 

Susan said she was looking after him, but I know he is too proud, and she won't force him to do much more than eat. At least he doesn't have the thin body and sunken eyes that most of the Factionless do. He still looks the strong man I know he is.  
“I'm not the only one,” I say, letting him know that he isn't fooling me. He doesn't respond.

 

“Susan brought me this,” I say after a minute, holding out the envelope.  
“I figured.” He stares at it, but doesn't take it.  
“Why did you have her bring it to me?”  
“I just needed to see you with my own eyes. To ask you if it's true.”  
“If what's true?”  
“That you're an Ambassador now.”  
“I am,” I say.

 

He nods slowly, keeping his eyes on my still outstretched hand and the envelope.  
“That's it?” I ask. “That's all you have to say? You just wanted to ask me something you already knew the answer to?”  
“Yep,” he says flatly, bringing his eyes to mine. “You should get rid of those clothes. You don't want anyone to find out about them.”

 

He stands slowly and makes his way past me without a second glance. I hear the door unlock behind me, and I know I'm no longer welcome. I stand and turn to face him, prepared to see the hardened Four, but instead I'm met with Tobias; lonely, broken and unloved.

 

“This is yours,” I say, holding out the envelope again. “Please take it.”  
“No.”  
“Will you at least tell me why?” He stares off behind me for what seems like a lifetime before he finally answers.  
“Because I don't want to be reminded anymore.” I nod as I put the envelope back in my pocket.

 

“I'm sorry Tobias,” I say as walk out the door.  
“So am I,” he says quietly.

 

His eyes catch mine as I turn. He looks at me for what feels like forever and not long enough. My mind races with a million things I want to say, a million apologies I want to give, but I just stand still. He takes a deep breath before he shuts the door, and my heart drops as he pushes me out of his life for good.

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**2 Weeks Later**

 

I'm putting the last of my paperwork in my bag when there's a knock on my door. “Come in.”  
“Are you ready?” my father asks, a big smile on his face.  
“As ready as I'll ever be.”

 

Today is my first official meeting between the factions. I had observed a few Ambassador meetings before, but this is both my formal introduction to the others, as well as the first time I'll be able to voice an opinion on any propositions and suggest new ones on behalf of my faction. I place a hand over the hidden pocket in my bag -the one that contains the note I wrote Tobias- and take a deep breath before heading out the door.

 

 

 

Today's meeting is being hosted by Candor. My father and I get into a car, leaving Marcus and a few others to take another. This isn't the first time I've ridden in one, but it still makes me nervous. I don't like the feeling of being out of control, and the cars move faster than the bus does, fueling my feelings of uneasiness. The roads we take are still fairly neglected, and every bump and hole in the ground reminds me of just that. I let out a relieved breath when we finally arrive, eager to get this day started.

 

“Welcome everyone,” Jack Kang says to us as we sit. “I trust you all had no problems on your way over?”  
“None, Jack,” Marcus answers as they shake hands. I watch as he and Jack make small talk, and the more time that passes, the more I want to stand up and tell them that the stories were true; that Marcus really is a monster.

 

I've done everything I can to avoid him as much as possible, but now that I'm a full fledged council member, it's going to be nearly impossible. My father notices me, and gives me small pat on the back.  
“No need to be nervous,” he says, and I let out a breath, giving him the same fake smile that Marcus does, thankful that he thinks it's just nerves.

 

When all the factions are present -both leaders and Ambassadors- I am called up and introduced to everyone. This type of meeting isn't done often, but with two new Ambassadors recently appointed in the factions, this meeting was held to familiarize everyone. I make pleasantries with each faction before taking my seat again. Afterwards we are introduced to the new Dauntless Ambassador, William Holder.  
“It's just Will,” he says as we take turns shaking his hand. I'm not sure if I'll ever get used to the gesture.

 

I listen as each faction drones on; Amity needs more land freed up for them to utilize, with Erudite's help to get the soil prepared. Candor requests the same tablets that Erudite uses for both themselves and for Dauntless to ease communication between them, and Erudite counters that not all of their technology is for other factions to use. Dauntless asks for extra provisions in the form of clothing and weapons, and Amity counters that without enough food, Dauntless won't have a need for more knives or clothing or tablets.

 

They argue amongst each other while I scribble notes down, most of them consisting of how childish everyone seems to be. I look to my father who waits patiently for it to be our turn, and I understand why we are the ones chosen to make the tougher decisions like this; we'll be able to find a way to please everyone, not just ourselves.

 

Eventually Jack turns to Marcus to speak his thoughts on what is necessary, and what is not. All the Abnegation representatives are in agreement that the first priority is food, and everything else is secondary. Erudite, Candor and Dauntless argue that their needs are just as important too, and eventually, I find myself closing my eyes and tuning them all out.

 

“Beatrice,” I hear, and I open my eyes. They had stopped talking, and my father is looking at me with wide eyes as the others stare on.  
“Yes,” I say, hating the quiver in my voice.  
“Are we boring you?” Jack asks, and I feel the heat rising up the back of my neck.  
“No. I was...just trying to figure out how anything gets done, the way you argue.” Marcus opens his mouth to say something, but Jack holds up a hand, silencing him.  
“The floor is yours then, Ms. Prior.” My heart hammers in my chest as I clear my throat and stand.

 

“A lot of the problems, from what I can see, seem to stem from Erudite-”  
“Oh, so _we're_ the problem? Excuse me, but I will not sit here and allow-”  
“Quiet, Jeanine,” Jack says, before motioning to me to continue.

 

“That's not what I was saying at all, Ms. Matthews,” I say, shaking my head. I take a moment to calm myself, and speak a little louder. “Erudite creates our technology; the things we need and use every day to sustain our way of life. Both Candor and Amity are asking for just a small piece of that technology. Candor for the ease of communicating between themselves as well as Dauntless when it comes to trials and crime and prisoners, and Amity for the ease of producing more crops to feed us. I don't think that is an unreasonable request, and if it were up to me, I would make those a priority. As far as Dauntless is concerned, I don't know why the need for a weapons increase is necessary at this time.”

 

“Because the population is growing,” Will says.  
“Okay, Will. How many Dauntless patrols are there around the city?”  
“Approximately one-hundred and fifty, not including those in the Factionless sector and those at the wall.”  
“Okay, then how many is it all together? The Wall, Factionless, all of it.”  
“Five hundred.”  
“And how many guns and knives do you have?”  
“That's classified.”  
“Okay,” I say, shrugging. “Then I would not approve any sort of weapons increase, based on that knowledge.”

 

The table erupts into chatter as I stand there. Jack raises his hands and quiets them down again. “Ms. Prior, could you please explain why you would not want to approve this request?”  
“If I don't know how many weapons they currently have, how can I know how many more to approve?” Jack smiles, and I can see the smile on my fathers face out of the corner of my eye. The others however, aren't so impressed. Will leans in and has a quick conversation with Dauntless' leader, Max.

 

“Six hundred guns, four hundred knives,” he answers.  
“That's two weapons for everyone you currently have on patrol, meaning you could easily double your manpower, if necessary,” I say. “I would still say no.”

 

The table erupts again, but my attention is drawn to Jeanine Matthews this time. She has a very calm demeanor, despite all that is going on around her. We keep eye contact for a while, until her Ambassador draws her attention away from me.

 

“Ms. Prior,” Jack says after calming everyone down again. “Is there anything that Abnegation requests?” I take a deep breath and nod.  
“Abnegation requests that the housing area for the Factionless be expanded and upgraded, as well as an increase in food and clothing rations and...I personally request the time and resources to draft up a plan to help the Factionless assimilate back into the factions and their former lives.” I rush the last part, afraid if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to get the words out.

  
“Beatrice!” my father says from beside me, but I don't dare look at him. The table erupts again, and all I can think is no wonder things seem to take so long to agree upon. Nobody is happy unless the attention is solely on them.

 

Will is smiling at me while the others argue, and I find myself blushing. His brown hair is a little shaggy, and it hangs in his eyes that seem to be a shade of green I've never seen before. I look away, clearing my throat to speak over the table.

 

“I have been reading,” I start loudly, and it catches everyones attention. “As I was saying, I have been reading past ordinances, the faction manifestos, even law statues that go back as far as we have, and I don't see anything decreeing that our fellow faction members should be cast out if they aren't deemed good enough.” I stop, looking around the table for any sign of, well, anything, but I am met with blank stares and quizzical looks all around.

 

“It is my opinion, and my opinion alone,” I add for my fathers sake, “That things just might run smoother if we didn't have to worry about that. More resources could be put to better use in other areas.”  
“This is all a very lovely idea, Ms. Prior,” Jeanine Matthews says in a mocking tone, “But if we change the system and there are no more Factionless, what would Abnegation do?”

 

“We would find a way,” I say. “There are other jobs that we do-”  
“Those are volunteer positions,” she interrupts, a grin breaking across her face. I look at her and take in her sharp features and how her hair is pulled back into a tight bun. If it weren't for the way she speaks and holds herself, she could easily pass for Abnegation.

 

“There are other positions we would _volunteer_ for,” I correct, “And there are many more I'm sure we could find.”  
“So you would volunteer to run the trains or pick up the garbage?”  
“Yes,” I say, holding my head high. I know she's trying to get me to admit that I don't want to do those things to prove her point.  
“How _selfless._ ” She locks onto my eyes again, and I can't look away, even though I should. I know I've revealed too much of myself in these past few minutes, but I have to hold firm for Tobias, if for nothing else.

 

“Jeanine,” Marcus starts form beside me, and for once I am thankful he is speaking in that fake, calming tone of his. “You remember what it's like to be young and to want to make a difference in the world. Beatrice, even though she's spoken without the agreement of the faction, is doing just that, and her passion is something to be admired.”  
“Hear, hear,” Will says, and the mood in the room seems to change.

 

“Okay, Ms. Prior,” Jack Kang says, “I don't think there is any harm in allowing you to write up a proposal, as long as it doesn't interfere with your regular duties, do you agree Marcus?” I shift uncomfortably, hating that I'll either have to hate him even more, or thank him, depending on his answer. He leans in and speaks with my father, as well as Johanna Reyes, the spokesperson for Amity who he is sitting next to.

 

“I agree. Ms. Prior, you can write your proposal.” I glance over to Marcus. His face is calm, blank, but his eyes are fixed on me, and feel my heart rate increase.  
“Thank you,” I say more to Jack than Marcus.

 

We finish our meeting by agreeing that Erudite will share their tablets with Dauntless and Candor immediately. Amity will also be allotted an extra parcel of land to prepare for next spring, which Erudite will help with, speeding up the process with their ability to turn over the soil quickly. Dauntless and the Factionless, via Abnegation have also had their clothing rations upped, while Erudite has been given more funding to help with their food research. Everyone seems to be at least half way pleased by the time everything is settled. Funding for housing repair in the Factionless sector is on hold until after I present my proposal.

 

As I'm packing my things away and silently thanking God that most meeting's I'll attend are going to be one on one, Will approaches me.  
“Are you busy tomorrow?” he asks, and I scrunch my eyebrows.  
“Well, I am working.”  
“No, I know that,” he says with a smile, and I am suddenly drawn to his mouth. “But I do want to discuss the weapons thing a little more seriously, and not with all of these people around,” he says, motioning towards everyone with his head. “I was thinking if you weren't that busy we could meet, and maybe have lunch afterwards.”

 

I know this is just a formality and lunches happen all the time, but I still feel the heat creeping up the back of my neck.  
“I, uhh...yeah,” I finally get out. “We can do that.”  
“Great. It's a date then. How does eleven sound?”  
“Sounds fine,” I say, feeling the heat in my cheeks now.  
“See you at the compound then,” he says with one last smile, and just like that, he is gone.

 

I feel like a child again in the car. My father has let me know just how upset -and proud-, but mostly upset he is with me the entire trip back to Abnegation. Proud that I stood up for what I believe in, but upset that I did it without anyone's permission. This is not how things are done in Abnegation, after all.  
  
“Dad,” I finally say, cutting him off before he can start in on me again, “I'm moving out.”  
“What? Beatrice, what has gotten into you?”  
“Nothing,” I say calmly. “I just think it would be better this way. You still see me as your daughter and not your colleague, and I think that separation would help with that.”  
He looks at me for a moment before smiling. “When did you grow up?”  
“When I chose,” I say, and I look out the window, not wanting to see his reaction.

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

We processed the paperwork immediately yesterday, and as soon as I left work, I gathered my things and moved them into my new place. Normally, a single person doesn't get their own house this soon, but being a part of the leadership comes with its perks.

 

I pull the wall back, looking into the mirror, _my_ mirror, even though the day I'm allowed to is still weeks away. Sometime in the next few weeks I'll turn seventeen. My face looks a little different, a little older. I pull my hair back, twisting and turning and pinning; it seems to be the worst thing that keeps me looking like a child instead of an adult. At least the council clothing I wear now somewhat fits. I don't have much to show, but I'd still like it to be seen.

 

I walk to work and busy myself with the pile of paperwork left on my desk until it's time to head to Dauntless. Since I don't know how to drive, I have someone who takes me where I need to be- this is the only acceptable time for Abnegation to not rely on public transportation.  
“Dauntless, please,” I say as I climb in the back seat.

 

Normally I close my eyes until we get to where we need to be, but I know I can't go on like this forever. I have to get used to being in a car. So I watch as the buildings pass by instead; how they change from a sea of Abnegation gray, to taller building in various states of disrepair. The road always evens out the closer we get to the Hub, and once we pass through the areas filled with potholes and fallen debris, I find that I am actually enjoying myself for the first time.

 

“This is how they do it,” the driver says.  
“How who do what?”  
“The Dauntless,” he says, pointing up. I lean closer to my window and look up; the train tracks are running parallel to the street we're on. “There's a train that runs by  
at that time we'll be arriving. You might be able to see them jump.”  
“I've seen them jump before,” I say, thinking back to how I would watch them every morning at school. How I would feel a small twinge of envy.  
“Yeah, but not like this.” I look at his eyes in the mirror, and I can tell he's smiling. I look back up and watch the tracks.

 

“There it is,” I say after some time, a little more excited than I meant to.  
“Right, Dauntless is just up ahead so don't look away,” he says. I wasn't planning on it.

 

I'm trying to find their platform when it happens- wave after wave of black clad bodies fill the air. I gasp and press myself further into the window.  
“I told you,” he says with a chuckle. “Insane, all of them.”  
“I don't think they're insane at all,” I say quietly. We slow, rounding the building they just jumped onto.

 

“This is it, Ms. Prior.”  
“Beatrice,” I say. “Please call me Beatrice.”  
“James,” he says, and I nod to him. “I'll be out here when you're ready.”

 

I gather my things and head towards the Dauntless patrolling in front of the building.  
“I'm here to meet with Mr. Holder.” The guard raises an eyebrow before turning to look at the one to his left.  
“Mr. Holder? Who the hell is that?” he asks, and the other guy just shrugs.  
“Will,” I say, realizing that they probably don't use any last names here. Or real names, for that matter. “Your Ambassador,” I finally add when they still don't have any idea who I'm talking about.  
“Oh, right. Follow me.” I nod to the other one before slipping past him and walking through the doors.

 

It looks nothing like I expected. Although now that I think about it, I really don't know what it is that I should be expecting. The room is dark gray, no windows, six glass doors behind me, two chairs to my left, and a single door to my right. Very plain and not at all Dauntless.  
“Have a seat and I'll let him know you're here,” he says before disappearing through the door.

 

I sigh and sit, staring at nothing while I wait. At least ten minutes pass before Will comes through the door, followed by the guard.

 

“Beatrice!” he says excitedly, and I have a hard time suppressing a smile. “Welcome to Dauntless.”  
“Thank you,” I say, and I take his hand when he offers it. I was expecting a handshake, but he pulls me up from my chair, and I can feel the heat creeping up the back of my neck.

 

“I thought that we could start with a tour of the place so you can see what Dauntless life is like, maybe get a better understanding of how things work around here to help with any questions you might have and expedite communication between us and the other factions.” I raise an eyebrow at him and he smiles wider.

 

I follow him through the door, but it only leads to an elevator bank, and I find my curiosity deflating a little; so far, Dauntless looks like every other building I've ever been in. Will presses the button that has a B on it. When we go down instead of up, my curiosity comes back. The door dings, and Will just grins at my reaction as the doors open.

 

“This is the Pit,” he yells over the noise as he walks out. I follow behind after a moment, my body too shocked to move at first. “This is basically our own Hub. Everything radiates out from here; our housing, cafeteria, shops, training rooms. You can get anywhere from here.” We walk slowly as I take it all in, and I take back every negative thought I had earlier. _This_ is Dauntless. “If you come this way, I'll show you some more.”

 

I follow him down a hallway that is much darker and quieter than the Pit. It descends even further down, and wonder just how big this place is. And how much could be hidden here.

 

“This is the weapons room,” he says as he opens a door. There are guards inside, and they immediately raise their weapons at us. “Relax, just giving a tour,” Will says, and they lower their weapons. My heart races as I follow him in the room, scared that any sudden movements will have them pointing their guns at me again.

 

“As you can see, it's heavily guarded, as well as monitored twenty-four seven.” He points up to the corner and I notice a red blinking light.  
“Cameras?” I ask, finally finding my voice.  
“All over the compound. There is no risk of these weapons falling into the wrongs hands- I know the other factions worry about that.” I take one last look at the guards and their guns before following Will again.

 

I am shown the training room, their dormitory -which makes me extra thankful I didn't choose Dauntless-, a large loud hole filled with churning water he called the chasm, and finally the cafeteria.

 

“Well, that's pretty much what I can show you, so how about we go to my office and talk?” He smiles at me again, and I realize that we are going somewhere alone. I blush a little, and he tilts his head just a bit. “Are you okay? I know it's all a little overwhelming.”  
“I'm fine,” I say, brushing it off. I really need to find a way to stop being embarrassed by the smallest things. I need to stop being embarrassed by everything, actually, and I make a mental promise to myself to start working on that.

 

I follow Will back through the Pit, back past the roar of water, and into a different elevator that brings us back up into the building we started in. I'm thankful for the normality. We sit in his office on opposite sides of his desk, and he smiles again before he starts.

 

“Beatrice,” he says, “I know it's hard to understand things here, especially being from Abnegation, but the weapons increase is something we need.”  
“It's actually not as hard as you think it is,” I say, and his smile disappears. “If you can tell me exactly why, I promise you that I'll see what I can do.”

 

He sighs and looks around. I realize he keeps focusing on one corner of the room, and without looking, I know it's because there's a camera there.

 

“Are you hungry yet?” I ask, and Will raises an eyebrow at me.  
“Sure. I did offer you lunch after all.” He stands and I follow him out the door. We make our way back to the cafeteria, and find an empty table in a corner.

 

“You're very...observant,” he says, and my heart skips a beat for a moment. I haven't been doing a very good job keeping myself quiet and under control like I should be.  
“I like to pay attention. It's part of my job,” I say, waving my hand and dismissing the comment. “Can you talk here?”  
“Yeah,” he says, looking around quickly. “I'll be honest with you, I'm not a hundred percent sure, but I think they're afraid that something might happen. I've just been told that I need to push for this, and that it's pretty much my only priority.”  
“How many are they asking for?”  
“They want to triple what we have. And I wasn't exactly honest with you either. I shaved a few hundred guns and knives off of what we really have. If we triple it, that's one gun for each member.”

  
Even though I've just met Will, I can tell he's nervous. He reminds me a bit of Tobias in that sense; they both seem to know _something_ , but aren't really sure what to make of it.  
“What do you think will make them happy, for now?”  
“I dunno, if we can get it up to at least fifteen-hundred guns, that might work,” he says.  
“And you don't have any idea what's going on? Any theories at all?”

  
“Well,” he says, taking a look around again, “Erudite has been hanging around, a little more than they should be.”  
“...Okay,” I say, not really sure what he's getting at.  
“Does Abnegation get the paper?”  
“Yes.”  
“Just read it for a few days, and I think you might be able to get what I'm trying to say.” I nod, understanding that he must still feel uncomfortable talking out loud about it.

 

Food is brought to our table, and I find myself not really knowing what to do with it. I stare as Will takes a circle of meat and bread and puts it on his own plate.  
“It's a hamburger. But be warned, if you eat it, you're going to want to come back and have lunch with me a whole lot more,” he says with a grin. I copy what he does, putting something called ketchup on it, and take a bite.  
“Oh my god,” I say, and he just nods his head, his grin breaking into a full on laugh.

 

On our way back to his office, a girl runs up to him and wraps her arms around him. She is tall -not that it's hard to be taller than me- and pretty. _Really_ pretty. She wears a lot of makeup and shows a lot of skin, but it looks nice, like it's completely natural for her. Even though I spy a few tattoos and a piercing, she isn't over the top like most Dauntless are. Neither is Will, now that I think about it.

 

“Who's this?” she asks, and I don't know why, but I feel like asking the same question.  
“This is Beatrice, the Abnegation Ambassador.”  
“Hi,” she says, holding her hand out. “I'm Christina, Will's girlfriend.”

 

I instantly feel like an idiot. Of course he has a girlfriend. He was just being nice to me because it's his job. Not to mention the whole Dauntless-Abnegation thing; it's not like anything could ever happen between us.  
“Nice to meet you,” I say, weakly shaking her hand. She whispers something in his ear and kisses him on the cheek before taking back off. I follow Will as he walks, suddenly eager for this meeting to be over.

 

We draft up some paperwork with a few different propositions, and agree to meet back in two weeks to discuss things further. Will grabs some things off of his desk before holding the door open for me.

 

“It was a pleasure, Beatrice. You are always welcome here at Dauntless. Let's do lunch more often.” He says as we exit the elevators. He moves to shake my hand and ends up knocking my paperwork -as well as his- all over the place. “I got it,” he says, and immediately moves to separate them.

 

I watch as he does this, and something about it feels forced. He stands and smiles, handing me my paperwork. “I think that's all of it.”  
“Thank you, Will. And thank you for lunch too.”  
“My pleasure. See you soon, Beatrice.” He holds the door open for me, and gets a guards attention. She comes in the building and escorts me to the car, even though it's just a few feet away.

 

I finally look at my paperwork, making sure it's all there. I put everything back in order until I am left with a single piece of paper. It's just a blank form- it must have been one of Will's. I scan it real quick, and notice the writing at the very bottom. My heart jumps at the words written there.

 

_I'll help you with your proposal, too._

 

I look up, but James' eyes are on the road. I quickly fold the paper, hiding it in my bag with the envelope containing my note. I don't care right now if Tobias doesn't want to see me, I _have_ to see him. This gun request paired with Will's words isn't sitting very well with me, and I have a feeling he knows more of what's going on than Will does. I need to know what he knows. _Now_.

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

Living alone has more than one perk, but the best one is that I don't have to answer to anyone when I decide to leave. I gather my Dauntless clothes out of their hiding place and put them on before pulling my hair down. I slide my wall open, looking in the mirror for the second time today.  _Selfish_ .

 

The Dauntless look suits me. Better than Abnegation does anyways. It's not enough though to make me regret my choice; I could never accomplish what I'm trying to do if I had chosen differently. When the time is right, I sneak out of my own house and head towards Tobias.

 

I've gotten better at blending in. In the off chance that I do pass someone, they hardly give me a second glance. I make my way up the stairs quickly, pausing only for a moment to make sure nothing looks out of place before I make my way through the columns. I knock softly, hoping that Tobias will realize it's me and not a threat.

 

After a few moments I knock again, this time louder. I lean against the door, placing my ear on it, hoping to hear some movement inside. In one swift motion the door unlocks and opens, and I'm on the ground.

 

“Tris!” he says loudly, and immediately moves to help me up. “What are you doing here? Are you okay?”  
“I'm fine,” I say, pushing him aside and moving to the middle of the room. “We need to talk.”

 

He stares at me blankly for a moment before closing the door. I sit in one of his chairs, and motion for him to sit in the other. Instead he turns around, walks to the wall and leans against it, putting as much space between the two of us as possible. I take a deep breath and nod.

 

“I met Will today. He's the new Dauntless Ambassador. They're requesting a weapons increase- they want to triple their numbers.” His mouth twitches a bit, but he remains still.  
“I got the impression that something is happening at Dauntless, and it involves Erudite.” At this he moves. It was only one step, but it's all I need. “So it's true then?”

 

He moves back to the wall, dropping his eyes to the floor. “Tobias, talk to me, please.” He bites his bottom lip, and just like he does to me, I stare. I think about the last time I kissed those lips -about how long it's been- and I bite my lip too.

 

I stand, drawing his attention back to me, and slowly make my way to him. “I need to know what you know,” I say as I stand in front of him. “I can only stall for so long. Eventually I'm going to have to present their proposal, and it's going to be approved. What happens when they get their hands on those weapons?”  
“Well, it won't be instant,” he says quietly. “They'll still have to be made, but I don't know, Tris. I don't have all the information.”  
“Then tell me what you do know.” He sighs, closing his eyes for a moment before starting.

  
“I worked in intelligence. I monitored the cameras, among other things, and I noticed that Erudite was showing up more and more. Never their Ambassador, just their leader, Jeanine. She and Max would have private meetings each time, and I grew suspicious.

 

“I know my way around a computer or two, so one night I delved into the Dauntless secure files, and I found some things that didn't make a whole lot of sense. Things like weapons order forms. Different serum names. Maps. They were _just_ vague enough that I could never really figure anything out. But thing is, every single e-mail _originated_ from Erudite. So I kept watching the cameras. Every day shift I followed Max around the compound, and every night shift I went through his personal e-mails, until I found it.”

  
“Found what?” I ask almost inaudibly. Tobias' eyes are serious. Frightened even. I know I'm walking a fine line between knowing too much and not enough, and it terrifies me. I take a deep breath; the next words he says are going to change everything.  
“I'm still not one hundred percent sure, but I think they were attack plans. On Abnegation.”  
  
“Abnegation?” I say, searching his face for any indication that he's lying. I can't find one. “Why?”  
“That's just it. I don't know.”

 

My heart is racing at the thought of how vulnerable Abnegation is. These people cannot -no- _will not_ fight back. They will stand still and they will die, if that's what this comes to. I'm not sure why my mind immediately went to the thought of dozens of Abnegation being slaughtered, but it did, and now I can't get the image out of my head.

 

“Why didn't you tell me before, Tobias? I thought you trusted and cared about me. I thought-”  
“I do care about you!” he shouts, and I stop. “But I didn't want you to panic. The burden of knowing something like this Tris...”

 

I suddenly hate everything. The look on his face. The thought that maybe this is also a part of why he left Dauntless. That this is why he is Factionless. That I might have to run or fight for my life. That my brother chose Erudite.

 

“I care about you more than you know,” he says quietly. “Why do you think I was on the roof that day- the day I got cut? I'm _terrified_ of heights, but I was up there making sure I could get the layout of this area down so I could get to _you_ if I needed to. You are _all_ I ever think about. Tris, you are the only person -the only _thing_ \- I have cared about in such a long time that I-” I push him back against the wall, cutting him off with a kiss.

 

He takes my face in his hands and kisses me back. It's full of desperation and desire and I am on fire. He reaches down and grips my hips so hard I'm certain I will have a bruise, before lifting me up off the ground. I instinctively wrap myself around him as he spins, pressing me firmly against the wall.

 

He only leaves my lips for a moment -to trail kisses across my jaw and down my neck and back again- and I almost forget how to breathe. A slight whimper escapes as every inch of my body reaches out to him, yearning and lusting for more. When his hand finds a bare spot of skin on my back where my shirt has lifted though, I freeze, and so does he. He rests his head against mine, and looks into my eyes as we both catch our breath.

 

“Sorry,” he says, pulling away slowly, but I hold on tight, pulling him back into me.  
“Don't be,” I say softly. I wrap my legs around him tighter, and bite my lip. He glances down, shuddering as he lets out a breath, and I smile.

 

“I've thought about you too,” I whisper. He presses against me harder, and I let out a soft hum at how good it feels. I may be inexperienced in this area of life, but I trust myself to enough to listen to my instincts. This doesn't just feel good, it feels right. It always has.

 

I run my fingers over his shoulders, up his neck and into his hair. He closes his eyes, letting out a loud breath as my fingers explore; touching, learning, _remembering_. I lean in and kiss him again, slowly this time. Every touch, every taste, every movement is in sync; there is nothing but the two of us. In this moment, I feel more alive than I ever have.

 

“I want to stay here with you,” I whisper when Tobias slowly pulls away. I cover his mouth quickly with my hand when he tries to protest, and smile. “But I know I can't.”

 

It's easy to run away, to seek shelter from a place that poses a risk, but I can't. Not now. My parents, Susan, Krystal, Rose- they're more vulnerable than I'll ever be.

 

He nods, my hand still over his mouth. He slowly lowers me to the ground and takes my hand, kissing it before he pulls it away. “I want you to stay, too.” He smiles before leading me back to the chairs. It's only now that I notice there are no more empty brown bottles scattered around.

 

“What else has been happening?” he asks as we sit. Suddenly my every day life seems so trivial.  
“I got permission to write up a proposal, and Will offered to help me,” I start, before filling him in on the entire meeting.

 

“Do you trust him?” he asks when I'm finished, and I shrug.  
“I don't really know him, do you?”  
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “I remember a Will from initiation though. He was an Erudite transfer.”  
“That sounds like him,” I say, not even needing a physical description. As soon as Tobias said it, I knew- he's very smart and doesn't bother to hide it. “I think I should at least give it a try. I'm going to need all the help I can get if this is going to work. What has Evelyn been up to?”

 

Tobias runs a hand down his face and sighs. I feel bad for asking, but somehow this is a part of the bigger picture too.  
“She's...Evelyn,” he says, and I nod my head. Even in those few minutes when we met, the tone she took with the two of us -her body language, even her choice of words- told me that she is on a mission, and she is not going to budge easily.

 

“I've only seen her a handful of times, and each time it's the same thing. Equal representation. Equal place in government. Equal everything. Which is fine, but now she's talking about abolishing the faction system entirely.”  
“Tobias,” I say softly. “Is that what we're trying to do?”  
“I don't know, Tris.”

 

He gives me a small smile and motions for me to come to him. I hesitate for just a second before standing. I sit in his lap and he wraps his arms around me- I instantly think about the Candor couple on the bus on my choosing day, and the promise I made to myself earlier. I only blush a little bit.

 

“You're so beautiful,” he whispers as he plays with my hair, and I close my eyes. “And smart. And brave.”  
“Can I ask you something?”  
“Anything.”  
“Why me?”

 

I feel his fingers stop moving for just a second, before starting back up again. I don't dare open my eyes, fearing the look on his face; that he might realize that I'm not actually beautiful, but that I'm only beautiful because of his circumstances.

 

“Hey,” he says, tilting my face towards his so I have to open my eyes. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. I see beauty, yes, but it's not just that. I see bravery and determination. You didn't give up on me, and I know you won't give up on this. Intelligence, selflessness...devotion.” He places his hand over my heart at this last one, and it beats harder in response to his simple touch.

 

“Tris,” he says, “You're the best person I know. The best person I have _ever_ known, and all of that is why I-” he stops abruptly, and I realize I've been holding my breath this entire time, hanging on his every word. I give him a small smile as I exhale, and he returns it.  
“Thank you,” I say softly, and he nods. “I have to go.”  
“I know.”

 

I kiss him once more -chastely compared to earlier- and stand up. He stands too and walks me to the door.

 

“Tobias, come with me.” He stares at me, one eyebrow raised. I'm just as surprised. The words just came out before I even had a chance to think it through. “I just...I don't want to be alone.” I never realized just how small my voice could sound. There are so many reason why it makes sense for Tobias to be where I am, but the only one I care about, is the purely selfish one.   
“Tris, I don't-”  
“ _Please_.”

 

I feel desperate, like it can't possibly be any other way.

 

His eyes dart back and forth, seemingly searching for a reason to stay or go. My heart pounds in my chest, but I stand firm, watching him as he watches me. Without a word he walks to the lantern, and turns it off. When I walk out of the door, a million thoughts and feeling race through me at once; fear, hope, curiosity, _desire_. We walk together, hand in hand through the Factionless sector, into Abnegation, and into my home.

 

I lead him upstairs, and I can hear his breathing increase with each step. When we reach the hallway, he holds on to my hand tight as he looks around.  
“Does it bother you?” I ask. “Being back here?”  
“Yes. And no.”

 

“Look at me,” I say as I place a hand on his cheek. “This is my house. And...this is your house, too, if you want it to be. But this isn't, and _never_ will be, his house. You will _always_ be safe here.” He nods slowly, but I can still see the worry in his eyes. I pull him into me and hold on. His arms wrap around me tighter than I think I've ever been held, and we stand there like that for a long time.

 

“I don't have anything for you to sleep in,” I eventually say. “I can ask Susan to get me some Abnegation clothes tomorrow, just in case.” I feel him nod. “Come on.” I pull away and lead him into the bathroom.  
“Take a shower -a _hot_ one- and I'll make us something to eat.”

 

I change quickly, and when I come back upstairs with two sandwiches and some sliced apples, he is sitting on my bed, his hair glistening in the low light. My heart beats a little nervously, and I can feel the heat on my neck, but I ignore it and sit next to him.

 

We eat in silence -he in his Dauntless black, I in my Abnegation gray- occasionally stealing glances at each other like we did what feels like a lifetime ago. When we're finished I take his plate and set it on my desk with my own.

 

I crawl back into bed and sit against the wall, pulling him up beside me. He puts his arm around my shoulders, and I lay my head on his chest. We don't talk or kiss or anything, really. Occasionally he pulls me in tighter, and I the same, and when my eyelids feel like lead, I nuzzle into him and drift off to sleep.

 

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

I blink my eyes a few times before realizing that it's light out. I take a deep breath and am immediately aware of where I am; in my bed with Tobias. I move slightly so I can look up, but he is still sleeping. I smile, having never seen him asleep before. He looks content. Peaceful. I reposition my head to ease the pain in my neck and take another deep breath.

 

They say that your sense of smell is the best way to make memories -or trigger them- and Tobias' smell does just that. Sure, right now I can also smell myself on him -my soap and my shampoo- but underneath that he is still there- a mixture of sweat and dirt and just... _boy_.

 

It makes me think of our time together, but more than that it makes me feel cared for, safe, wanted even. It also makes me wonder what it is about him that I like. Sure, he's muscular and I wouldn't complain that I have to look at his face all day long, but it's so much more than that. He's kind, caring, strong, smart. Even though he's been given a mostly crappy life, he doesn't ask for sympathy. He uses it- finds his own way, carves his own path. That path has led him to me, and I intend to keep that path as far away as I can from all the darkness he's endured.

 

Tobias stirs just a bit, and I smile when he opens his eyes. “Morning,” I say softly, moving to kiss his cheek. He turns at the last moment and catches my lips, giving me a soft smile when I pull away.

 

“I was afraid for a moment that this was all just a dream,” he says.  
“No, sorry. You're stuck with me.”  
“So it's a nightmare then,” he says, smiling even wider.  
“Hey now,” I say, poking him in the side, but he leans down and kisses me again.

 

My body seems to move of it's own volition as we kiss. My hands explore every inch of his chest and back and arms and his hands do the same. He politely moves over my breasts without touching them, instead opting to trail his fingers lightly across my stomach and over my ribs. I laugh just a little, breaking our kiss.  
“Don't move,” I tell him, as I crawl over him and head into the bathroom.

 

I do what I need to, and curse that we don't have mirrors in our bathrooms; I know I'm not supposed to care about my appearance, but I'm starting to like seeing myself as others see me. I ruffle my hair a bit and shrug. When I open the door, Tobias is standing right there.

 

“Hey,” I say. “I said no moving.”  
“I don't think you want me to stay there any longer,” he says as he gives me a kiss on the side of my head. “Two minutes and I'll be right back.” I smile as he pushes past me.

 

I look out my window, and quickly pull the curtains closed, hoping nobody saw inside last night. My room faces an empty house, but I know I've hit a turning point, and I can't be too cautious.

 

I hear Tobias come up behind me, and turn. He's standing there with his hands in his pockets, and for only the second time since I've known him, he looks like the somewhat shy teenager he is. I smile and reach out, pulling him towards me.

  
“It's not going to be too weird, is it?” I ask.  
“What?”  
“If I get you Abnegation clothes?” I say, tugging at my own skirt. “If you stay here with me?” He looks at me for a moment and shrugs, the young boy disappearing right in front of me.

 

“Hey,” I say. “I want this. You know that, right?” He continues to look at me but remains silent. “Tobias, I don't want a life without you, however that may be. You mean more to _me_ than I think you realize. I don't care about your past and whatever scandal everyone wants to place on it. I don't care that your father is a monster and your mother isn't that far behind. I don't care that you're Factionless and I'm not. The only thing I care about Tobias, is you. I have since the moment I met you.”

 

I move to put my arms around him, but he is faster. His arms wrap tightly around me, lifting me off the ground as he kisses me. I take a step back as he sets me down, pulling him towards my bed.

 

We trip over the edge quickly, as neither one of us was paying attention to anything but each other. I laugh, and so does he, but our lips quickly find their way back to each others. Tobias lies next to me, running his hands softly over my cheek, before trailing down further and further.

 

Butterflies fill my stomach as he gently trails his hand across it. He stops, resting his hand on my hip, and I don't know if I'm relieved or disappointed. He squeezes it, and it makes those butterflies double, if not triple. The size of his hand in relation to my body, and the sheer strength displayed in just one small action fills me with a warm feeling inside. One that I don't quite know how to explain.

 

I pull away and scoot further up my bed. Tobias looks at me for a moment, but I nod and he follows me up, only this time I direct him to be more on top of me than next to me. I can instantly tell how he feels about this moment as he presses up against my hip, and that warm feeling in me spreads out. I hum softly as he moves his thigh in-between mine, pressing up against me as well. I roll my hips, rubbing myself against him, and he lets out a soft sigh.

 

He moves quickly; in what seems like a singular movement, he's pushed my skirt up -just enough so he can lift my leg- and pressed his thigh back into me, leaving only my underwear and his jeans as a barrier. He runs his hand slowly up my thigh, eliciting a chorus of sighs and and a wave of goosebumps, until it disappears under my skirt to firmly grip my hip again.

 

I move again and again and again against him, enjoying the rush and the pleasure and just  _him_ . We kiss, and touch and explore, but when his thumb moves just under the band of my underwear, I find myself stopping him. 

 

“I'm sorry,” I say, my heart beating out a nervous rhythm in my chest.  
“Don't apologize,” he says, kissing me on the cheek. He pulls away, pulling my skirt down too.  
“It's not like I don't want to, it's just...” I trail off, not really knowing _what_ it is that's holding me back.  
“Hey, it's okay, really. You don't have to explain anything to me. Stiff too, remember?” He smiles, and I smile back. I look at the clock, and see that it's already later than I would normally get up.

 

“I should get going anyways. I need to see Susan, and set up some things with her,” I say as I stand. I leave the room and come back with some paper and a pen. “Will you do something for me?”  
“Sure.”  
“Can you write down anything and everything you can think of about Dauntless and Erudite and Evelyn? I might need that information as a reminder, for when I write my proposal.” He nods. “Thank you.”  
“You're welcome, Tris.” I smile and give him one last kiss before I get ready and leave.

 

“Beatrice! What a pleasant surprise,” Susan says as I walk up to her. “Did you come to volunteer today?”  
“Yes Susan, I did,” I say as I take a spot near her. She is packaging clothing, and I smile at how perfect my timing is.

 

We stand silently for a while, folding, separating, packing. As certain clothes come by, I make a move to separate them into their own pile between Susan and I. She notices and raises an eyebrow at me, but I just nod and continue on. Soon enough Susan is pulling the same clothes out, and I know that without saying a word, she is on the same page as me.

 

We break for lunch, and Susan and I hang back, busying ourselves with something as the other volunteers make their way to the cafeteria.

  
“What are you doing, Beatrice?” she asks quietly.  
“Two things: you have to keep it a secret, and you _have_ to trust me. Can you promise me that?” She looks at me for a moment before nodding. “Good. Susan, he's with me, at my house.”  
“Beatrice!”  
“Susan,” I say warningly, but she just nods. “Something is happening, and he is a part of it in ways that I couldn't even begin to explain to you. But you _need_ to believe me when I say that I'm doing everything I can to make this count, Susan. I'm trying to make a change and make a difference in their lives.” I motion around the table, and Susan's eyes follow. She looks at me for a moment and nods again.

  
“What can I do to help?” she asks.  
“You're already doing it.” I gather the clothes we had set aside for Tobias and put them in a bag.  
“I'll have dinner with you tonight,” she says, taking the bag from me. I watch as she looks around before walking to a crate near the exit. She hides the bag and comes back to me.

 

“Thank you, Susan.”  
“It's fine. I just expect a little more explanation at dinner.”  
“Deal,” I say.

 

I stop by my office quickly and pull the paperwork Will and I had filled out -thanking the stars that it's Saturday and the office is empty- as well as the formal proposition papers I'll need to fill out before heading back home.

 

“Tobias,” I call out after I close the door, “I'm home.” I smile to myself. _I could get used to this_. He comes down the stairs, and seeing him in his Dauntless black in my plain Abnegation gray house just does something to my insides. I rush over to him and wrap my arms around him, placing kisses on his lips and forehead and cheeks.

 

“What's all this for?” he says with that half-grin of his.  
“I don't know. A part of me was afraid you weren't going to be here when I got back and, well, I'm just really happy you're here.”  
“I'm not going anywhere,” he says quietly.

 

I kiss him again, and it feels different. Or maybe I feel different. My head feels fuzzy, my heart is trying to physically leave my body, I think, and if I tried hard enough, I'm certain I could float away at this very moment. I pull away, looking into Tobias' eyes, and he looks different too. His eyes are dark, and as they dart back and forth between my own, I could swear they are able to see right into me- into my most intimate thoughts.

 

“Tris, I...” he whispers, biting his lip when he doesn't finish. I glance down and smile.  
“What?” I whisper back.  
“Nothing,” he says, shaking his head as a small blush appears on his cheeks.  
“You can tell me anything, you know.”  
“I know.” I smile and kiss him again before telling him about my morning.

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you sure you want me down here?” Tobias asks me as we set the table.  
“Yes. It's not like Susan doesn't know who you are or that you're here. Besides, if we're going to be clueing her in on some of this, it makes sense to have you with us. I'm sure she'll have some questions, and I want you to be able to decide how much she knows and doesn't know about you.” He bites his fingernail for a second before nodding.

 

A few minutes after dinnertime has started, there is a knock on the door. I peer out just in case, and let Susan in.

 

“Thank you,” I say as I take the bag of clothes and her coat from her. “It wasn't too much trouble?”  
“No. Nobody suspected anything.”  
“Good.” I motion for her to head into the kitchen. She stops for a beat when she sees Tobias sitting at the table, but takes a seat.  
“Well, you weren't joking,” she says dryly, and looks at me expectantly. I nod and bring out the food before starting.

 

“Ask and we will answer,” Tobias says.  
“Okay. I'm not asking for all the specifics, but just what made you think bringing him here was a good idea, Beatrice?”  
“Why is it a bad idea, Susan?” I counter.  
“Because he's Factionless!”  
“And?”  
“And it's not allowed!”

 

“Did you ever stop and think why that is, Susan?” Tobias says calmly, and it seems to calm Susan too.  
“No,” she says quietly.  
“Neither did we,” I say, looking to Tobias.

 

We each take turns filling Susan in on our plans; what was initially allowing the Factionless to be a part of the faction system has somehow morphed into dismantling the faction system all together. Her eyes are wide at first as she listens and she doesn't say much, but she nods thoughtfully as we tell her certain things, understanding I think better than most people would. When she did speak it mostly involved Robert or Caleb, and it didn't seem to take much more than that to sell her on the idea.

 

We had both decided beforehand that it wasn't the right time to bring up the idea that Erudite might be planning something against Abnegation. We need more proof of that before we can truly begin to believe it ourselves.

 

Susan promises to keep our secrets and to help in any way she can. She also thinks that Krystal and Rose would be good allies, should we need to confide in or ask anyone else for help. I thank her again for everything she has done for us, but mostly for being so understanding, and she wishes us luck as she says goodbye.

 

“Do you think this is going to work?” Tobias asks as we clean up.  
“I think it has a good chance of at least starting something, as long as we stick together.” He nods, seemingly lost in thought for a moment.

 

“I think that you should set up a meeting with Amity,” he finally says.  
“Amity? Why?”  
“Well, they're the peaceful faction, right? I don't think it would hurt to have them on our side. And I've met Johanna a few times before. She's a lot more...understanding  
than I think most of the other faction leaders are.”  
“She seemed close with Marcus, though. He consulted with her about my proposal.”  
“Well then that's all the more reason to get her on our side.”

 

When we're finished, we take the bag Susan brought upstairs. As we go through it, I smile. She not only brought the clothes -two sets of Abnegation and one Dauntless- but she packed extra toiletries and a pair of clippers. Tobias smiles and runs his hands through his loose curls.

 

“It's never been this long before. Even in Dauntless I kept it short.”  
“Well, if you're going to play the part, you have to commit,” I say, holding them out.

 

I wait patiently as he cuts his hair, showers, and changes. When he walks into my room, I see the boy I first saw through the broken window, only in gray instead of black. I can tell he feels a bit uncomfortable, but I just smile at him.

 

“Well, if you ever doubted you were Dauntless before, I bet you're not now.”  
“Yeah? You're one to talk,” he says, but I just smile bigger. I motion for him to join me in bed, and he does. We lie next to each other for a long time, holding hands and not speaking a word. There doesn't seem to be a need to; when he is around, it is enough.

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

“Thank you for meeting me on such short notice,” I say to Johanna as I exit the car. She reaches out for a hug, and I do my best to reciprocate, even if it's awkward.  
“You are very welcome, Beatrice. It must be urgent, if you requested to meet so quickly.” I look up to Johanna and give her a small smile. I must be giving too much away already, because her pleasant smile fades almost instantly.  
“Come. Let's walk.”

 

She doesn't say anything as she leads me through the apple orchards. We walk for quite some time, and I find myself enjoying the sounds and smells of nature as we walk. Eventually we come to a small clearing between crops, and she stops.

 

“Anything you say out here Beatrice, stays out here.”  
“Thank you, Johanna.” I twist my hands for a second, and hope that she doesn't think I am crazy.  
“I'm here to ask for your support, Johanna.” She raises an eyebrow, but gestures for me to continue. “Part of this is about my proposal, but there's more to it than just that. I have recently come across some...evidence that Erudite is not being honest with the rest of us about their intentions.”  
“Honest how?”  
“Well, to put it bluntly, I believe they are planning an attack against Abnegation.”

  
She stares at me, not in disbelief, but curiosity. “Did you know that my faction of origin is Erudite?”  
“No, I did not.”  
“The only reason I am even entertaining your idea, is because I know what power hungry individuals they are, and I know what they're capable of when something gets in their way.” She brushes the hair that was in her face aside to reveal a large scar, spanning the length of her face; the eye is white, scarred over although not dead. “I have to ask how you know this, Beatrice? The Erudite are  _very_ secure with their information, as you have no doubt learned already.” 

 

I take a deep breath, and hope for the best. “I have a friend. He is a former member of Dauntless. Four.”  
She studies me for a moment. “Four is Factionless now?”  
“Yes,” I say. “He noticed the Erudite hanging around Dauntless a little too much, and after some investigating, he found... _things_ that point to that direction.”  
“Can I see these _things_?”  
“Well, that's a problem. He didn't bring the information with him when he left.” Johanna stares at the ground for a while, not saying anything. I decide to keep going.

 

“Have you ever been in the Factionless sector, Johanna?”  
“No, I have not.”  
“Well, I spent a lot of time there recently, and things aren't like they tell us.”

 

We spend the next couple of hours talking about various things, but mostly about the Factionless and Erudite and Abnegation. Johanna thinks that we won't have a way to convince anyone other than her of what's going on without proof, especially since it's been close to a year since Tobias found the information. We mull over ideas of what could be taking so long, but her best guess is that Jeanine wanted to acquire an ally before putting her time into the project. With the recent gun request by Dauntless, we realize she found it, and it must be getting close.

 

As we walk back, I assure her that I will keep her in the loop, and she promises to offer whatever assistance she can, as long as it's not in an official capacity. If things become public, she doesn't have the power to sway her peoples vote one way or another, as she's just an official mouthpiece. A member of Amity comes and brings me a jug of apple cider and a loaf of bread just before I leave, and I thank them both for their hospitality.

 

I spend my afternoon back in Abnegation filling out a few forms and filing paperwork, but all I can think about is this morning. The only way to put a stop to this is to get that information. I could always talk to Will, but the quickest way would be if Tobias could get into the compound and get it, since he knows exactly where it's at, and what to look for if it's been moved.

 

I'm absentmindedly processing things, when a paper takes me by surprise. It's the weapons order form Will and I filled out, only it's already been approved. My heart thumps in my chest. I haven't even proposed it yet, stalling for time like Will and I agreed upon. I race to my bag to look through my things. Sure enough, my copy is here. Everything looks the same, except the numbers have changed- it's closer to the tripled amount they want.

 

Could Will have tricked me?  _No_ , I think. I look over the paper carefully, and go back to some of the others I filed- nothing else seems out of the ordinary. I grab a couple papers and head to the copy machine, trying to look bored as I make a copy of the approved proposal.

 

I make sure no one is walking by my office as I fold it in half and quickly and stuff it in my bag. I have to remain calm about this and not bring any unnecessary attention to myself, and I have to get into contact with Will.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“It has my fathers signature on it,” Tobias says as he looks over the paper. “As far as I knew, he isn't the one who puts this stuff through. He's more of a figurehead- a mouthpiece. The real people who do this are people like you and your father. So if he is approving these guns, what's in it for him?” I just shake my head.

 

“How much time do you think we have? Until the guns are ready?”  
“I don't know. I guess however long it takes for the Factionless to make them.” He looks up at me, a moment of clarity on his face, and I know he had the same thought I did.

 

“The Factionless make the guns?” I say.  
“They do.”  
“So what happens if they don't turn them over to Dauntless?”  
“I don't know, but I'm not willing to wait around and find out.”

 

Tobias paces back and forth, looking between my paper and his notes. He opens his mouth to speak a few times, but never actually says anything. After a while, I can tell he is becoming more and more agitated.

 

“Tobias, let's take a break and have dinner. We can think about this later, okay? If we sit on it, maybe we will be able to see a connection with fresh eyes.” He looks at me for a moment before putting the papers down.  
“Okay.”  
  


We reheat the soup I had made over the weekend. I remember the cider and bread I was given today, and slice up some of that too.

 

“This is so good,” I say as I take another sip of the cider. “I could have this every day.”  
Tobias nods in agreement. “Bread tastes a little weird though.”

 

We sit on the couch together after cleaning up, and I find I am more relaxed than I have been in a long time. I look over at Tobias, and he smiles.

 

“Do you feel weird?” I ask. “Like, I was so upset earlier, but now I don't even care about anything.”  
“Not really,” Tobias says, and he tilts his head to the side to look at me. “You're acting like you're buzzed. Was the cider fermented?”  
“Buzzed?” I say with a giggle. “What is that?” He grins.  
“You are! What did you have? And why don't I-” he stops, and I see him lift his hand and look at it. “Shit.”  
“Tobias!” I say, still giggling.  
“It didn't taste fermented,” he says, and he heads into the kitchen. I follow him, and see he's sniffing the cider.

 

“Why are you smelling that?”  
“Did Johanna say anything about this?”  
“Nope,” I say, popping my P. “Nope. Nope. Nope.”  
“She gave you the bread too?”  
“Yeah. It did taste weird, but I didn't want to be rude. Rude,” I say again laughing at how it sounds when I drag the word out.

 

He picks it up and sniffs it, taking a small bite. “How many slices did you eat?”  
“Umm...three?” He smiles, and it makes me smile too. “I like the way your face looks when you do that,” I say.  
“I like the way your face looks when you do that, too. Now come on, let's get you upstairs.”

 

Tobias leads me up the steps, which feel different too. Everything feels different. My hands feel tiny and really far away, my legs are heavy and light at the same time, and I can feel my clothes rub on every inch of my body. He helps me sit on my bed, and I like the way his hands feels against mine.

 

“Your hands are rough,” I say. “I like that.”  
“Well I'm glad you do,” he says as he sits next to me.  
“Are my hands rough?”  
“No, Tris. Your hands are very soft.”  
“You're very soft,” I say. I reach out and touch his lips. “I like your lips.”  
“I like your lips too.”

 

I move my hand around his head, and pull him to me. I kiss him. My lips feel huge and so do his, but it's so nice. His lips are soft and warm and I like how they are bigger than mine. He kisses me for only a second before pulling away.

 

“What?” I ask.  
“Nothing, Tris. I just think Amity put a little something in the bread.”  
“You don't want to kiss me?”  
“I want to kiss you very much, just not like this.”  
“Why? You love me, don't you?” His face looks weird, like he's thinking really hard or something.  
“I love you.”  
“Good,” I say.

 

My eyes feel sort of heavy, so I close them. I try to open them back up to look at Tobias, but they won't listen. I want to talk to him, tell him something important, but I can't do it. I don't even remember what was so important. I'm moving now, only I don't remember moving, but I must be moving, because I feel it.  
“Sleep, Tris,” I hear a voice say, and I nod so fast I feel like I'm spinning.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Ugh,” I groan as I open my eyes.  
“Hey.” I roll over quickly and see Tobias sitting in the chair.  
“What happened? Why am I in bed?”  
“Do you remember anything?” he asks, a small smile on his face.  
“I remember dinner. And I think sitting on the couch.”  
“So nothing else?”  
“No. Why?” He grins as I sit up. “Whoa.”  
“Yeah. You might want to take it easy there.” He comes to me, and helps me move so I'm sitting up against the wall.

 

“It seems as though the Amity bread we ate had a little more than bread in it.”  
“I'm not really following.”  
“You're quite the amusing drunk.” I feel myself instantly blush.   
“Oh, god. What happened? And how can I be drunk on bread?”  
“Okay, not _drunk_ , but you might as well have been.”

 

“So...what did I do?”  
“You talked. A lot.”  
“Oh, god,” I say again, covering my mouth. “What did I say?” I'm almost afraid to hear his answer. I could have said anything. I don't even know _where_ to begin imagining.

  
“Well, I know all of the body parts you like on me.” Jesus. This is worse that anything I could have ever imagined.  
“Tobias,” I say, covering my face. “I'm so sorry. And Johanna is so going to get it the next time I go out there.”  
“Tris, don't even worry about it,” he says, waving his hand.

  
“What else did I say? And why didn't it affect you? I saw you eat some.”  
“I only had one piece. You had three. Plus, you're a lot smaller than I am. I felt it a little bit, that's how I knew, but nothing like you.”  
“I am so embarrassed.”  
“Don't be. It was actually quite cute. Annoying, but cute.”  
“Gee, thanks,” I say, irritated that he's amused by me being totally out of it. “How long did I sleep?”  
“About three hours.”  
“Well that's just great. I'm going to take a shower.”

 

When I come out, he's sitting on the bed, a serious look on his face. It alarms me a little bit, the change in his demeanor.

 

“What?” I ask as I sit next to him.  
“It's just...something was said, and I don't-”  
“God. I already did enough things. Just tell me what else I said.”  
“It wasn't you, it was me.”  
“Oh,” I say softly. I watch him as he looks around the room. When he reaches a hand up and rubs the back of his neck, I know it's something serious.

 

“Hey,” I say, turning his face so he looks at me. “Just tell me.”  
“You asked me if...if I...love you.” My heart beats so loudly, it temporarily takes over my hearing. I take a shaky breath, unsure if I want to hear the answer.  
“What did you say?” I ask, barely hearing my own words.  
“The truth. Tris, I love you.”

 

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

“Tobias,” I whisper, but that's as far as I get. His lips crash into mine, and I kiss him back just as hard. Every single spot where we touch feels like fire, and I want nothing more than to be engulfed.

 

My hands reach up, and without a second thought, start unbuttoning his shirt. He pulls away, watching as my fingers slowly undo each button. I reach forward and run my hand down his bare chest and across his stomach, slowly bringing it back up with only my fingertips. He let's out a loud breath, and I smile. A flash of black catches my eye, and I remember his tattoo. I move my hand, resting it on his ribs.

 

“Can I see it?” He nods slowly and stands, turning his back to me. He shrugs his shoulders and his shirt falls to the floor. I had only seen small pieces of his tattoo and assumed he had something small on his ribs and something on his shoulders.

 

I couldn't have been more wrong.

 

I stand and reach my hand out, touching it- touching Tobias. Each factions symbol is present, and surrounded by massive Dauntless flames. My fingers move down his spine, making their way past each factions symbol -from bravery to kindness- and I find myself at a loss for words.

 

“Tobias,” I eventually say, “It's...absolutely amazing.” My eyes roam, wondering what his motivation would be to do something so bold- I doubt this is common practice in Dauntless. But deep in my heart, I know. I've seen the looks on his face, caught the glimpses of his thoughts in stolen moments and small words. I've seen the efforts he's gone through, and that was just for me. Tobias is unique. Perhaps that's why I desire to put him above everything else.

 

I lean forward and kiss the first one -Dauntless- and say, “You're brave. And selfless, and smart,” I continue, kissing each symbol as I speak, “And honest and kind.”

 

I run my fingers over the black flames, marveling at their size and the amount of space they take up as they wrap around his ribs and touch on his neck and shoulder, taking in the way they seem to dance with each breath he takes.

 

I stop for a second and run my fingers back down, feeling the scar underneath the ink. As my eyes move, I see more of them- some covered, some not. Tobias' breath has become more ragged now, and I know he has let me into the deepest part of him; the part he has truly kept hidden away from everyone, maybe even himself.

 

I lean forward and kiss the first scar, followed by another, and another.

 

“Tobias,” I whisper, “I wish I could take this all away from you.” He turns and takes my face into his hands. As he looks into my eyes, I know I've seen that look before, the way his eyes get dark and piercing and sharp- almost like an animal zeroing in on it's prey. There could never be anything menacing behind it; it's the look of lust and love and trust. He loves me, and I love him. _I love him_. I give him a small nod as I lean up to kiss him.

 

It's deep and passionate and everything it should be when two people belong together. My hands move to his waist as his fingers curl in my hair, and I gasp when he pulls ever so slightly, pulling us apart and exposing my neck to him. His mouth explores every inch, I think, leaving my knees weak and my chest heaving. My hands fumble for just a moment, but they find their way to his pants, unbuttoning them just as slowly as I did his shirt.

 

He pulls away again, searching my eyes, but I only smile at him.  
“I love you,” I say. “I have for a while. I was just too scared to admit it.”  
“You're not scared now?” he asks, a twinge of doubt in his voice.  
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “Not anymore.”

 

I pull his mouth to mine, and I don't ever want it to leave. We kiss as he takes his pants off, and we break for just a moment as he lifts my dress over my head- I am bare except for a tank and underwear. I stop for just a second, unsure of my body, and how it looks in comparison to his.

 

I am small, weak, childlike in almost every way, while he is so tall and muscular and strong. The two of us next to each other would look out of place to any outsider. I breathe hard, watching his face as he looks at every inch of me. When his eyes finally find mine again, they radiate love, so much that I can almost feel how he sees me. I think I finally understand the things he has been trying to tell me all along, and I smile.  
“Beautiful,” is all he says as I pull him down to the bed.

 

He kisses my neck again, softly, before making a trail down my chest. He pushes my undershirt up, exposing my stomach, and he kisses me there too. I close my eyes, pushing all of my insecurities out, and just enjoy every last point of contact.

 

Tobias holds on tightly to my hips, placing soft kisses on each one before kissing my thighs. My heart rate is impossibly high as he lets go and places a hand on one, spreading my legs and moving to lie in between them. He kisses and nips up my thigh until his mouth lightly grazes across me, and I sigh when he places more kisses on my other thigh.

 

My anticipation is high, but when he kisses me where I want him to be most, I nearly come off the bed. A whimper escapes my mouth, and he kisses me again.

 

“I think I could get used to that,” he says quietly, and I swear I can hear the smile in his voice. My breath hitches in my throat as I feel him move my underwear to the side, exposing me. I let out the breath I was holding when his tongue touches me, forgetting everything except what's happening at this exact moment.

 

He stops -only to completely remove my underwear- and I buck up when he gets close, eager for him to continue. He teases me for a moment -kissing and touching everywhere but were I'm most sensitive- before finding his way back, and I can't help but let out a quiet moan.

 

It doesn't take long until I temporarily black out from the world- legs tensing, hands grasping, body shuddering. I try to say his name, try to let him know that I am exploding right here in front of him, but the only thing that comes out is a loud breathy gasp that starts with a T. As I come down from my high, he kisses me all over, and even that threatens to send me over the edge again.

 

“Come here,” I finally manage to get out, and he smiles as I pull him up to me. I kiss him slowly, tasting a mixture of him and myself. I reach down, but he stops me.  
“You don't...we don't have to.”  
“Tobias,” I say. “Your Abnegation is showing.” He smiles that half-grin, and I just want to lose myself in him forever.

 

He takes his boxers off and climbs on top of me, positioning himself in between my legs.   
“You'll let me know if I need to stop?” I nod and bite my lip. He looks down, staring at my lips for a moment, and gently pushes himself inside of me.

 

I gasp slightly; it doesn't hurt, but it still catches me a little off guard. Tobias looks into my eyes, and I nod. He takes his time, moving in and out slowly, gently, but something inside of me wants -no- _craves_ more than just this. More than polite, protective, Abnegation sex. I don't want to be treated like I'm so delicate that I might break.  
“Tobias,” I whisper, “Don't hold back.”

 

He doesn't.

 

He thrusts, hard and deep, and pleasure shoots through every last fiber of my being. This time I find my voice as I moan his name and praise a god I'm not sure I even believe in, digging my fingers into his back harder with each thrust. My legs wrap around his waist, holding on tighter as I feel more and more pleasure, begging for that high again.

 

Just when I think I can't possibly feel any better, I can't possibly climb any higher, stars explode all around me again, and I feel myself lift into him. I pull his mouth to mine, trying to stifle the noises that are fighting to come out of me. His thrusts become erratic almost immediately, and he shudders against me, my name crying out against my mouth. It is possibly the greatest thing I have ever heard; his pleasure is music to my ears.

 

“Tris,” he whispers this time, as his movements slow. He kisses any bare skin he can find as I lazily run my fingers through his hair. I shush him, not wanting to leave this moment for anything. I bring his face to mine, and curl into him as he moves to lay next to me. We kiss until my lips are numb, and when I can't keep my eyes open any longer, Tobias pulls me as close as I can get to him, and I fall asleep in his arms.

 

“Morning,” I say as I open my eyes. Tobias is alert, and I roll over to check the time. “How long have you been up?”  
“A while.”  
“Why didn't you wake me?”  
“You looked so peaceful,” he says, kissing me on the forehead.

 

“So what were you thinking about?” He smiles at me. “Yeah, I know what you were doing, so you might as well tell me.”  
“I think you need to talk to Will again. We need to find out where he stands, and then go from there.”  
I sigh. “I think you're right.”

 

* * *

 

“And to what do I owe the pleasure?” Will says as I greet him, and I can't help but smile.  
“I just thought that I would extend you the same courtesy you extended me,” I say as I hand him a bag and motion for him to follow me.

 

We walk for a while, not talking as I lead him through the Factionless sector. His eyes are alert, taking in everything that he can, and I have to hold back a comment about his Erudite roots. I hand a couple cans of food to the first Factionless we come upon, and Will smiles.

 

“Is it always like this?” he asks.  
“For the most part. Every once in a while you get a person who is angry, and sometimes they get violent, and that's where you guys come in. Can I ask you what you thought it would be like?”  
“Honestly? I don't know. I guess a little like this, but I also thought it would be worse.” He smiles as another Factionless passes by, and eagerly hands him a couple of cans. The man raises an eyebrow at him, but takes them anyways.

 

“What if I told you it wasn't like this. Not really, anyways.” I can tell I've piqued Will's interest without even having to look at him. I start walking again, weaving my way to Tobias', Will following silently. When we get there, I'm pleased to see that everything is exactly as we left it. Will follows me in, and I lock the door behind us.

 

“I have to ask you some questions Will, and I would appreciate your honesty.”  
“Okay,” he says slowly.  
“Did you know that the gun proposal was approved already?” He raises an eyebrow at me, but shakes his head. “Did you know that the Factionless make the guns?”  
“No, but now that you mention it, it makes sense.”  
“What would you say, if I told you that I don't trust Erudite?”  
“I'd say you're very perceptive.” I smile. “Can I ask why?”  
“It's sort of a long story, and I'll get there, but I need to make sure I can trust you first.” He smiles and nods.

 

“Why did you transfer?” I ask.  
“You know I'm a transfer?”  
“From Erudite, yes.”  
“Perceptive, indeed. Well, my aptitude, obviously. But even if I hadn't gotten a Dauntless result, I think I would have left anyways. I don't really agree with their ideals lately, and I wanted to go to a faction where I could make a real difference, not just slave away over developing new technology just to hoard it.”

 

“Ideals?”  
“Well, more like obsession. With divergents.” My breath catches for a moment, and I hope Will didn't notice.  
“What's the obsession?” I ask.  
“That, I don't know. It's just all anyone ever seemed to talk about.” I nod.  
“Okay. I have one more thing I want to show you.”

 

I take the same path Tobias and I took, handing out food along the way, and walk right up to Factionless headquarters.

 

“Stick to me, don't say a word, and try to look like this isn't the first time you're seeing this,” I say. I open the door, and Will's mouth immediately drops open. I elbow him and he closes it abruptly. We only spend a couple of minutes walking around, and slip out before we're noticed. Will's eyes are bigger than I think I've ever seen them as I walk him back to Tobias'.

 

“What was that?” he asks as I close the door.  
“That, is Factionless headquarters. Nothing like they tell us, right?”  
“Right. Okay, so you're going to have to help me out here, Beatrice. Why are you showing me this? Is it because of your proposal? Because I was already on board with that.”  
“It's a part of it, but I'm going to tell you some things right now, and I need you to trust me. But more importantly, I really need your help.”

 

I tell Will everything. He listens patiently, nodding as I talk. I tell him about Evelyn too, but I leave out the connection between her and Tobias. Will remembers Four and promises to keep it -keep everything- a secret. He sits silent for a little while, digesting the information I just gave him, and when he finally speaks, it brings a smile to my face.

 

“So how can I help?” he asks, a determined look on his face.  
“We have to get into Dauntless.”

 

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

I had given Will a list of people Tobias wanted him to get in contact with, and he gave me a list of people he thought would be on board with helping. Surprisingly, there are a few names that exist on both lists. We agreed that we needed to move fast, as it won't take more than a couple of weeks for the guns to be ready.

 

“Tonight?” Tobias asks as he looks over the list of names.  
“Yes. We probably have two weeks, tops, to stop this before it starts.”  
“Okay.”

 

We eat our dinner in silence. Well, what we can eat, anyways. I push my food around my plate, and so does Tobias, too nervous for much of anything else. We try to take a nap, but that proves futile, too. Eventually we get dressed in our Dauntless black, and I follow Tobias to the train tracks that are just on the outskirts of the Factionless sector. 

 

“Jumping on the train is easy. Get running when I tell you too. I'll hop on first and help you up.”  
“What? You think I can't do it on my own?” I say, smiling. He looks at me for a moment and smiles back.

 

I hear the train before I see it; at night they turn the headlight off. I can feel the adrenaline coursing through me as Tobias tells me to run.

 

I take off as fast as I can go, Tobias just inches behind me. I hear him jump, so I jump too. The edge of the railcar digs into my side as I swing my leg up. Tobias grabs onto my arm, helping me in the rest of the way.  
“See? Easy,” I say, slightly out of breath. He smiles and pulls me into him.

 

I watch the city pass by in a way I've never seen it before. It's just after eleven, so the lights are still on all around the city. They glitter and twinkle, and as the tracks rise above the buildings, they remind me of winter; of the way the snow glistens in the moonlight. I finally look up, and find Tobias' eyes. They're dark again, and I pull him to me, kissing him as the wind whips all around us.

 

It's exhilarating, really. The Dauntless in me loves this- loves that I can be carefree and in love and not have to answer to anything or anyone; I can stay in this moment for as long as I like. Until the Abnegation in me lets out a gentle reminder that this isn't my life. No, it's not, I tell myself.  _But it can be_ . 

 

We get ready to jump again.

 

“It's going to be more difficult this time,” Tobias tells me. “You're going to be going a lot faster, and that momentum is going to want to carry you, so try to stay on your feet.” I nod and look out the car.   
“Are you sure this is the right one?”  
“I'm sure.”

 

I wait patiently until Tobias tells me to jump. I land hard, stumbling, but I keep on my feet. I'm now thankful that my first experience with this has been all on the ground. Tobias takes my hand after making sure I'm okay, and leads me though the city. We walk for a while, and when Tobias starts slowing and taking in our surroundings, I know we must be close to where Will said he would meet us. I stay silent and try to keep myself aware too.

 

Eventually Tobias pulls me into a building, making sure I stay behind him the same way he did in the Factionless sector so long ago. He waits patiently, watching through a doorway. When we hear voices he brings a finger up to his lips and I nod.

 

I recognize Will's voice, and when another loud voice calls out, Tobias' face seems to light up.  
“Come on,” he says, taking my hand as we walk out of the building.

 

“Beatrice!” Will says when he sees us, but another boy pulls ahead of the crowd. He's taller, with dark skin and wild hair. At first I think he's eager to see Tobias, and Tobias must think so too, because as he holds out his hand, the other boy punches him square in the face.

 

“Zeke!” someone else yells, but Tobias just raises his hand to silence them before bringing it up to his jaw.  
“Zeke,” he says, rather calmly, considering the boy just hit him. “What the fuck?”  
“They took him!” Zeke spits, and Tobias' demeanor instantly changes.  
“Uriah?” Tobias asks.  
“Yes Uriah! And this,” Zeke says, shoving Tobias, “Is for leaving. You couldn't have said anything? You just up and leave in the middle of the night with no regards to your friends?” Zeke shoves Tobias again and I just watch, unsure of what to do.

 

“Shauna took permanent detail in the Factionless sector just to try and get a glimpse of you! It's been eleven months, man. We thought you were dead.”  
“Not dead. Just hiding.”  
“Yeah, well, while you were playing an epic game of hide-and-go-seek, shit's been happening man, and it ain't good. Who's this?”

 

I stand still as everyone looks at me. I do my best to hold my head high, but my resolve is starting to waiver as I look from person to person and see the way they're sizing me up. Will smiles at me though, and it helps. At least I already know Will, and I recognize his girlfriend standing next to him too, as well as Shauna.

 

“This is Beatrice, the girl I told you about,” Will says. “She's the one who set up the whole thing.”  
“You're the stiff?” a small girl with a shaved head says.  
“Lynn,” Shauna chides, and I smile. “Nice to see you again, Beatrice.”  
“Nice to see you too,” I say.

 

After a quick round of introductions, we get right down to it. Will and Zeke tell us about Erudite's presence at Dauntless lately, and Zeke and Tobias have a small conversation about the control room, ignoring the fact that they were fighting not more than a few minutes ago. We fill everyone in on everything that we know, and I'm relieved that nobody questions anything.

 

“If you would have told me this even a month ago, I wouldn't have believed you,” Shauna says, and the group nods. “But too many things are going on, and with them randomly taking people yesterday, I believe every word of it.”

 

“Why did they take...Uriah?” I ask.  
“Uriah is Zeke's little brother,” Tobias says, and I feel a sharp pang go right through me. I haven't thought of Caleb in months, but he's still my brother, and I still love him. If we had both stayed in Abnegation and someone came and took him away from me, I don't know what I would do.

 

“Nobody knows,” Zeke says. “They came in and said they had a few questions for some people, like ten maybe, and nobody really thought anything of it since they seemed to be around constantly. It's when they didn't return that I started asking questions, and was promptly told to mind my own business. As if my brother isn't my business!”  
“Don't worry,” Tobias says. “We're going to get to the bottom of this, and we're going to get Uriah and the others back. Let's go.”

 

I stick close to Tobias as we walk towards Dauntless headquarters. Just before we get there, Zeke and the others stop us, and hand us a bottle.

 

“Everybody take a drink,” he says. “I told them we were going out for a little fun a few hours ago. They won't think twice if we walk in together acting drunk.”

 

They pass the bottle around, taking small sips and dabbing some of it on their clothes to smell the part. When the bottle gets to me, I do the same, and it burns on the way down. I cough loudly.

 

“You okay?” Tobias asks me with that stupid half-grin on his face, and I laugh, wiping a tear from my eye.  
“I'm fine. Tonight is just a night of firsts, that's all.”  
“That was your first drink?” Zeke asks, taking the bottle from me. “Shit, stiff, we gotta get you out more.”  
“That's the plan,” I say, and now Zeke is the one smiling.

 

Tobias and I get into the middle of the group. He acts like he's drunk, Will holding him up on one side, me on the other. He keeps his head low, and buckles his legs a bit, making him appear shorter. The others laugh and talk loudly, and as we walk, I pray that nobody recognizes either one of us.

 

For being the faction all about security, we manage to walk right in. We keep the charade up in the lobby and in the elevator, but once we enter the Pit, it's time to act. We still hold Tobias up, but we move quickly, heading towards Zeke's apartment. As we wait for Zeke to unlock his door, I notice Tobias looking down the hallway.  
  
“What is it?” I ask.  
“My apartment was down there. Last one on the left.”  
“It still is,” Zeke says as we walk in, and a pretty girl with long blonde hair nods.  
“I work in housing now. Zeke asked me to keep it off the market, so I did.”  
“Thanks, Marlene,” Tobias says. He turns to look at me -or maybe just away from everyone else- and I can see the hurt in his eyes. This can't be easy for him.

 

“My shift starts at five. I switched with Gunnar,” Zeke says.  
“Gunnar's working in there with you?”  
“Yeah, well, I wasn't left with many options when you decided to bail.”  
“Zeke, I-”  
“Four, shut it. I don't want to hear your reasons. Not now, anyways. We have too much on the line and I can't let that shit cloud up anything. Everybody should try and get some sleep. You can stay here, or you can go home,” Zeke says, rummaging through a drawer and tossing Tobias a key. “I don't care right now.” Tobias looks at the key in his hand and nods slowly, taking my hand and leading me out the door.

 

“Sorry it's not clean,” he says closing the door behind us. “I haven't had a chance to clean up in eleven months.”  
“It's okay,” I say, frowning as I look around at the layer of dust on everything.

 

Tobias shakes out his blanket and strips the sheets off the bed. I try to help him make it, but he shoos me away, so I stand and wait. I'm used to no decorations of any kind, but after seeing Zeke's apartment filled with all sorts of things, I'm aware of just how bare Tobias' is. The only thing that could even be considered decoration is the words 'Fear God Alone' painted on one wall; I recognize it as Tobias' handwriting.

 

“What's that mean?” I ask, nodding my head in that direction.  
“It means exactly what it says,” he says bluntly. I watch him for a moment as he stares off, holding the blue patchwork quilt in his hands.

 

“This was the first thing I bought,” he says after a moment, still focusing on nothing. “Everything was black or gray when I moved in here. Something just snapped inside of me, and I hated looking at all of it. I went to the shop to look for a different one, but everything was so typical. Flames. Skulls. Weapons. At the very bottom of the pile it was there. It was the only thing that looked like it didn't belong, and I knew it was the one.”

 

He flips the quilt out- it lands softly and a bit rumpled. Tobias smooths it down, pulling at each corner meticulously until it's as smooth as glass. I can't help but compare the two of them- both serving a purpose, even if in they're in the completely wrong place. I walk over to him and take his hand.

 

I sit gently on the bed, pulling Tobias down next to me. He keeps his eyes down, but I don't. I take in his tan skin, his full lips, the tiny scar he has over his left eyebrow. I take his face in my hands and run my fingers over it, memorizing each and every thing I can. This was the scared and hurt boy who transferred as a means to escape and survive, and even though I didn't know _him_ , I know who he became, and it fills my heart with pride.

 

“Hey,” I say softly. “Look at me.” He lifts his eyes to mine, and I smile. I kiss him softly, and pull away only to crawl into his bed. He gives me a small smile and joins me after setting his alarm clock.  
“Get some rest, Tris,” he says, kissing me gently on top of my head. I settle against him, not feeling as out of place here as I thought I would.

 

* * *

 

 

We sit in silence in Zeke's apartment, each of us taking a moment to steady ourselves as we pick at some muffins, thinking over the last minute plans we came up with if anything goes wrong. Tobias takes a gun off the table and lifts the back of his shirt, hiding it in his waistband. I'm instantly aware of just how dangerous this could turn out.

 

“If any of you want to back out now, you can,” I say. They all look at me like I have suddenly turned green. “It's just...I know there's a risk involved, and I won't be upset if you don't want to take it. Four and I can handle it.”  
“You're forgetting one thing,” Zeke says. “This is Dauntless. Risk is our middle name.” I give him a nod as he flashes me a smile so dazzling, it's nearly blinding. How the two of them became friends, I'll never know, but I have a feeling at some point I'll be thanking Zeke for softening Tobias' rough edges.

 

“Here,” Tobias says as he hands me a knife. “You hold it like this to do the most damage.” He wraps my fingers around the knife, moving my arm with his, showing me the motions and the targets to aim for. I practice a few times on my own, the approving nods of my new allies surrounding me. Tobias kisses me on the side of my head, and places the knife in one of the pockets that run down my thigh.

 

“Showtime,” Zeke says as he walks to the door. “Oh, and Four? It's about time.” Zeke winks as he slips out the door and Tobias throws him a rude hand gesture. Shauna lets out a quick loud laugh, and he directs that gesture to her too.

 

“Hey,” she says, holding her hands up, “It's not my fault he's finally right about something.” I blush a little, because I know they're talking about me. I look at Tobias, who's pretending to busy himself with another knife, but that faint, almost invisible smile he has is there.

 

“Our turn,” Shauna says to Marlene and Lynn, and they get up.  
“See you on the flipside,” Lynn says as they walk out the door. Christina gets up and sits next to me.  
“We're next,” she says, and I nod. “You just stick with me, Beatrice and everything will be just fine.”

 

“Time to go,” Tobias says, and we stand. He pulls me into him and holds me for just a moment. “You ready?” he whispers.  
“As ready as I'll ever be.” I take one last look at Tobias as Christina and I walk out of the apartment.

 

 

 

 


	19. Chapter 19

Christina and I head down to the Pit. It's fairly empty at this time, but that works to our advantage. Zeke is the only one in the control room, and the people who are up and about at this time ignore us, tired and focused only on where they're headed.

 

I follow Christina until we reach a dark hallway. We walk side by side to what seems like the half-way point, and wait in the shadows. Our job, like the others, is to cover the various ways to get to the control room, and stop anyone who gets in our way.

 

“So, I'm just going to come right out and say this,” she says breaking the silence, “But you and Four? That trips me out. He was our instructor only for a like, a week, and he scared the crap out of me. I can't imagine what he was like when you found him.” I give Christina a small smile.

 

“He was as you would expect him to be,” I say, deciding to leave all of my answers as vague as I can without being rude. I don't really know Christina, and I don't know how much Tobias is willing to reveal just yet, considering we're still keeping Evelyn and Marcus to just ourselves for now.

 

“Well,” she continues on, “Maybe it's just like that story my parents used to tell me when I was a kid, the one about the Lion and the Mouse.” She pauses, but I shake my head, unfamiliar with this story. “Well, the Lion was going to hurt a caught Mouse, but the Mouse convinced him that it was better to let him go, and the Mouse would repay the Lion's kindness one day. The Lion was doubtful, but he let the mouse go. One day the Mouse found the Lion in a trap, and he freed him. Anyways, the point was that anyone can be helpful, no matter how small they are, and that kindness goes a long way. Even a Mouse can help a Lion.”

 

I smile even bigger this time- Christina has no idea just how right she is. “Maybe,” is all I say though.

 

“Wait. Are you calling me a mouse because I'm small?” I ask after a minute, and she laughs.  
“Your hair is really beautiful,” she says, changing the subject quicker than I thought possible. “Have you ever thought about cutting it or dying it?” I raise an eyebrow at her as she continues on, talking about makeup and clothes and tattoos.

 

After some time, I pull Christina's wrist up and look at her watch. “It's been a while. How long do you think we should wait before heading up there?” As if on cue, a door bangs behind us, and we both jump at least a few inches off the ground. Tobias is walking quickly towards us.

 

“Christina, scatter. Find the other's and tell them the same.” My heart thumps hard as Christina gives a single nod and tears through the Pit towards the others. “Tris,” he says, taking my hand. “Don't let go.”

 

“Is everything okay?” I ask.  
“No. Keep your head down and no matter what happens, you go straight home.”  
“Tobias, I-”  
“Not now,” he says, pulling me from the hallway. I'm practically running just to keep up with his pace.

 

We push the button for the elevator, and it feels like an eternity passes before the doors open up. Just as we step into the elevator, I hear a loud “Stop them!” and the sound of running. Tobias shoves me hard sideways and pulls his gun, aiming it out the door. He fires a single shot just before the doors close.

 

“Fuck,” he says under his breath as he paces back and forth, his breathing heavy. The elevator dings and he grabs my hand. “Here we go,” he says as the doors open. I'm half expecting an army waiting for us, but the elevator lobby is empty. He peers out the door, and tucks his gun back in his waistband. He squeezes my hand tight as we walk towards the doors- towards our freedom. Tobias pushes the door open, and the guards all look at us.

 

“Where are you headed?” one of them asks, but Tobias ignores him. “Hey. I'm talking to you.”  
“Out with my girl for a little fun,” he says tersely. “The fuck are you gonna do about it?” The guards eyes flick between the two of us. My heart pounds as I try to seem relaxed, like we didn't just break into another faction and steal material proving an attack is imminent, and they're all complicit. I smile and snake my arms around Tobias' waist, and it seems to work. The guard just nods and turns the other way. We walk quickly, still trying to play out our lie, but I hear a loud “Stop!” from the same guard and my heart drops.

 

“Run!” Tobias yells and I take off as fast as my legs will move. Everything seems to blur together; the buildings, the shouts, time. I know Tobias could outrun me easily, but he stays just one step behind me. I hear gunshots, or at least I think I do. Tobias yells for me to keep running, so I do. I run through the pain I feel growing in my legs and my chest. If I stop now, it's over, and I refuse to let that happen.

 

My chest and legs are on fire when I finally start to slow; I have no idea how long we've been running. “I...I have to stop,” I pant out. Tobias nods beside me and pulls me into an alleyway. He tries a few doors before finding one that's unlocked and pulls me in. We run up the stairs, using the last of our energy to barricade ourselves in a room on the top floor.

 

My legs refuse to support my weight anymore. I slide down a wall, using it as support; I'm certain I would simply crumple into a heap if I tried to move on my own. I close my eyes and try to catch my breath and slow my heart rate. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. When I finally feel like my heart and lungs won't explode, I look up to see a total look of horror on Tobias' face.

 

“What?” I say, panicking now. “Are you hurt? Did you get it? Please tell me you didn't lose it.”  
“Tris,” he says quietly, and I realize he's not looking _at_ me, but behind me. I sit forward, turning to look at the wall, unable to believe what I see with my own eyes. It's only now that I notice the back of my arm is soaked.

 

“Tobias,” I whisper, but he isn't talking. Instead he crouches next to me and gently removes my jacket.  
“You need to lie down,” he says softly, easing me down on my right side. “It's not that bad.”  
“Tobias, don't lie to me. There's a streak of blood down the wall as long as I am.”  
“Shh. Just let me look at it.” I nod and squeeze my eyes tight.

 

I feel his fingers on my arm gently touching and pressing. He leaves for I don't know how long and comes back with something -a rag maybe- that is definitely not clean, but I know he's doing what he can. He presses it against my arm.

 

“Here, hold this.” I reach over and hold it as best as I can and hear him rip his shirt. He takes the rag back from me and loops a strip of cloth under my arm, tying it tight to hold the rag in place.  
“Does it hurt? Why didn't you tell me you were hit?”  
“Adrenaline, I guess. I didn't even know,” I say. He nods and looks at my arm again, making sure everything is being held in place.

 

“It's just a little more than superficial,” he says. “So that's the good news. The bad news is we won't be going anywhere for a while, and you definitely won't be using this arm anytime soon.”  
“I'm fine. I'll be fine,” I say, knowing it's only a half truth. “Are you hurt?”  
“No,” he says. He finally sits and lowers his head into his hands.

 

“This is all my fault.”  
“Tobias, no. I knew the risks-”  
“No, Tris. You don't understand. I'm not talking about just this. I'm talking about _everything_. Zeke and I, in the control room...Uriah. If I wouldn't have been so damn skeptical, I wouldn't have found the plans in the first place. I would have never left, and Uriah might be safe. And you...you would have _never_ met me, and you definitely wouldn't be bleeding all over an abandoned building in the middle of the city with nobody around to help you!” I watch him as he runs his hands down his face.

 

“I'm just tired of feeling like this,” he says quietly.  
“Like what?”  
“A failure.”  
“You think you're a failure because I'm injured?” He looks at me, and it breaks my heart because I can see it in his eyes. The sadness. The disappointment. The fear. I was able to see myself, how I _truly_ am because of him. I wish he could see himself the same way- the way that I see him.

 

“Tobias, you're far from it. You just snuck into _Dauntless_ , of all places, to steal secure files. Files you knew about only because you trusted yourself enough to not blindly follow along just because _they_ told you to. You defied the rules to be with me, and together we're going to expose all of this and hopefully stop whatever is happening. Jesus, you are anything _but_ a failure.”

 

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a flash drive. He twists it in his fingers a few times before handing it to me.

 

“No, you're going to do it.”  
“Tobias-”  
“Tris, stop. This is all you. It always has been. You're going to march into Abnegation, and you're going to expose this to everyone. You're going to find out what -if anything- Marcus has to do with this, and you're going to stop Evelyn too. I'm a nobody. Factionless. They won't believe me anyways.”  
I frown because I know he's right. I put the drive in my pocket and nod.

 

“You should try and get some sleep,” he says. “Someone once told me that the body heals faster that way.” He moves to lay down, pressing himself flush against my back and wrapping his arm around my waist.  
“I love you,” I whisper.  
“I love you, too.”

 

* * *

 

 

I wake up groggy and disoriented. My arm is sticky, and it throbs to remind me of where I am. Tobias' arm isn't around me; I look up and see my streak of blood, now dried, and roll over to find him staring out a window. I watch him for a while as he gets lost in thought after thought. Some time passes before he looks at me. It takes him just a moment to realize I'm awake, and he rushes over immediately.

 

“Hey. How are you feeling?”  
“Well, a little bit like I got shot,” I joke.  
“Tris,” he says, his voice serious.  
“Okay. I'm okay. Sore, but I'll live. What's that?” I ask, pointing to what he's holding.  
“Oh. I was able to find more stuff and I made you a sling.”

 

I smile as he helps me into it. This may be a less than ideal situation, but he's still making the best of it, and so will I.

 

“Comfortable?” he asks.  
“As I can be. Think it's safe to leave?”  
“Yeah. It's been a few hours. They've probably gone back to the compound to form a new strategy.”

 

“They're okay, right? Zeke, Will...” I ask, trailing off.  
“Yeah. I punched Zeke. Made it look like I knocked him out. I also deleted some file footage and corrupted the system for a while so it couldn't record our escape. But fucking Gunnar came in just as I was leaving. I actually knocked him out, but Zeke had to hit the alert. He couldn't cover it if Gunnar remembered seeing Zeke awake. They'll be fine. We worked it all out,” he says, sounding like he's trying to reassure himself more than anything.

  
He helps me stand, making sure I've got the drive before we head out. Seeing as it's a workday and I haven't shown up to work or called in, I'm sure they've sent someone to my house only to find me gone. My parents are probably worried sick.

 

We are both hyper-aware of our surroundings, but take our time making our way back to Abnegation. Half-way there we decide that it's best to go straight to my father with this information- cautiously though; we still don't know who knows what about us.

 

Just before we reach the Factionless sector, Tobias grabs the knife from my pants, concealing it in his hand.  
“Just in case,” he says quietly, and I understand- there are Dauntless patrolling and I don't know if they've been informed of what happened yet. If they were able to figure out it was Tobias, they would be crawling through here trying to find him.

 

“What about the gun?” I ask, remembering he has it.  
“Too loud and too obvious,” he says.

 

Things seem to be the same as always as we trudge through the Factionless sector, maybe even a little more quiet than usual. We make our way quickly towards the government building when there's a lull in people passing by, and sneak in through a back door. Thank god for Abnegation's blinding trust.

 

I open the first door we come across, and find it's a small storage closet. Tobias and I slip in quietly, and I breathe a sigh of relief that we've gone undetected this long. I have my ear pressed against the door, listening for when the office empties for the evening. My father is always the last to leave, leaving a prime opportunity for me to give him this information. I only hope he believes me. Tobias grabs my hand, squeezing it hard, and I hear that he's breathing heavier than normal.

 

“What is it?” I whisper, but he just shakes his head and closes his eyes tight. “Claustrophobia?” He nods this time. I leave the door and place my body against his, doing my best to comfort and distract him. I had suspected it the two times we were in the elevator, but in the end I had chalked it up to nerves.  
“Just keep your eyes closed and listen to the sound of my voice,” I say quietly. I place a hand over his heart, and can feel it beating hard.

 

“It's just me and you, okay? Talk to me. Tell me about this and I'll help you through it.”  
“Punishment,” he grunts out.  
“Your childhood?” I ask, and he nods. I frown and wonder just how many more things there are to find out about his time in Abnegation.

 

“Okay, new plan. Forget all of that Tobias, and focus on me- on us. I would never let anything happen to you, you know that right?” He hesitates a moment before nodding.  
“Good. That includes in here. You aren't being punished. In fact,” I say softly before standing on my toes and kissing him. “Think of it as a way for us to be together. Nobody knows we're in here, and we can do _whatever_ we want.”

 

He opens his eyes just a bit, and I smile. “I imagine it can't be easy to be in here, but try to think about me. Just me. I'm the only thing running through your mind. I'm the only memory you're going to have of this place, and every place like it, when we leave.”

 

“You act like this is helping me calm down at all,” he says with a small smile. “I already think about you all the time.” My heart rate picks up at this little confession. It also sparks my curiosity.

 

“Did you think about me...before? You know, when we first met.”  
“Yes.”  
“I thought about you too.” I'm not entirely sure why I'm telling him this, and I can feel myself blushing a little as the words come out, but right now it seems like the best way to distract him. Besides, I like that we can be honest with each other, no matter what the subject is. His heart is still beating hard, but his breathing is finally calming down.

 

“You did?” he asks a little too loud, and I have to stifle a laugh at the look of total disbelief on his face.  
“I did. And if my memory serves me correctly, _I_ kissed _you_ , so you really shouldn't be so surprised.”  
“What did you think about,” he asks, barely audible even in the near silence of the closet.  
“Just you, really.” I smile as the memory surfaces. “I was intrigued by you, and...I was in the shower one night-”  
“Tris,” he breathes out, pulling me to his lips. He kisses me like I'm a lifeline- like if we stop, the world will stop spinning. By the time we break apart, it's entirely possible a week has passed without either one of us realizing it. I reach up and touch my lips just to make sure they're still there.

 

“Go on,” he says, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.  
“I don't know. I think I was supposed to be calming you down, and I don't think that's happening,” I say, pressing my hand against his steadily beating heart.  
“I thought you were making me forget about my fear. Changing it to a good memory.”  
“Oh yeah,” I say, giving him a playful smile. I stand on my tip-toes and bring my mouth to his ear. My heart thumps hard as I share my confession. “I touched myself while I thought about you.” He let's out a shaky breath before bringing his lips to my neck.

 

He trails kisses all along my neck and my jaw before his lips find mine again. They're just as desperate and full of desire as mine are. I kiss him back, both of us exploring each other's bodies and finding our way underneath clothing. A single hand of his spans almost the entire width of my back, and for the first time ever, I love the fact that I am small; there is a feeling of comfort and safety that exists when he holds me like that.

 

A door slams and both of us freeze. I listen closely and so does he; the soft murmurs and shuffles of the office have disappeared. He let's go -smoothing my shirt back down and adjusting my sling- the moment over as we come back to reality.

 

“I think they're gone,” I say, pointing to the lack of light coming under the door. He nods and makes his way to the door, opening it slowly and peering out. He stands still for a while, eventually opening the door enough to sneak out. He motions for me to wait as he looks around.

 

“All clear,” he says when he comes back. He reaches his hand out and I take it, leading him towards my office. We pass my fathers on the way, but he is gone. As soon as I walk into my office though, I can tell someone has been in here. Everything is just slightly out of place.  
“Not in here,” I say, backing out. “Let's use a different one.” 

  
I pick a computer at a random desk and insert the drive. I print a few copies of each one, looking them over quickly before stuffing each set into their own envelopes. I can hardly believe it, even though it's right here in front of me. Maps. Lists. Weapons orders. All of it from Erudite. I hand Tobias the envelopes before running to my dads office. I tape the drive underneath his desk -somewhere nobody would think to look- before leaving.

 

We make our way quietly through Abnegation. It's dinnertime now, so the streets are empty and working to our advantage; we hear it before we even see it.

 

A car rounds the corner just as Tobias and I duck into the shadows in between two houses. We watch as Jeanine Matthews -as well as three Dauntless guards- get out of the car and approach my parents house.

 

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

My mother answers the door and doesn't invite them in. Instead she motions for my father to come out onto the porch. I can't hear what they are saying, but my father eventually allows a single guard to enter the house. It's evident now that they know who I am and what I've done. No doubt they've searched my house already, as well as my office. They'll be looking for Tobias, too.

 

“They'll be watching the cameras,” Tobias says.  
“I know.”  
“This is going to be hard, Tris.”  
“I know.”  
“We have to be brave.” I turn my head and look at him. His face is hard set and determined, but his eyes are still filled with worry.  
“I know,” I whisper, kissing him on the cheek. 

 

The guard comes out and I see Jeanine thank my father before heading back to her car. It must be hard for him, having her there. I've never known exactly why, but my father's hatred of Erudite is undeniable. He stays on the porch, staring as they drive off. My mother eventually breaks him out of his thoughts, wrapping her arm around him as she leads him back inside.

 

“I don't think I should go in,” I say. “I'm afraid if I do, they won't let me leave.” I see Tobias nod out of the corner of my eye. He takes in our surroundings like he's done many times before. So do I.

 

Without a word, he takes an envelope out of his coat, and runs to my parents house. He drops it on the porch, knocks quickly and runs back to me. The door flies open just as he rounds the corner. My mother looks around, confused, before noticing the envelope. She takes one last look around before picking it up, and hurries back inside.

 

“She'll believe it,” I say. “My father might have his doubts or see it as circumstantial, but she won't.”  
“Let's hope so,” he says. “Come on. We need to go.”  
“I need to make one more stop first.”

 

We look around carefully before I knock on the door. It flies open to reveal a startled Susan.  
“Beatrice! Everyone is looking for you. A few Erudite were here earlier. Are you in trouble?” She asks as we quickly shuffle through her door.  
“No. Well, in their eyes, yes. But we have done nothing wrong Susan, you have to believe me. We only have a few minutes, so please just trust me and listen closely.” I motion towards Tobias, and he hands her an envelope.

 

“Read it, then hide it. Keep it safe. You don't need to do anything with it right now. If you find that we're in trouble, you'll know what to do with it, okay? And Susan?”  
“Yes,” she says, taking the envelope.  
“I have one last favor to ask of you. We need to be Factionless.” She looks between the two of us and nods.

 

“Tomorrow. Same place you met Four. Thank you, for everything Susan.” She nods again before peering out her door.  
“It's clear,” she says, and I give her one last look of thanks before slipping back out her door.

 

“Wait!” she yells and runs back into the house. “Give it back tomorrow,” she says, looking at my arm.  
“Thanks,” Tobias says, taking her first-aid kit.

 

We carefully weave our way through the Factionless sector, avoiding areas with known cameras, and hiding in shadows and building entryways when Dauntless guards come near. If they know about me, they know about Tobias too. At this point though, I don't think I can handle another confrontation.

 

It's late by the time we make it back to our safe haven, locking the door behind us with a breath of relief. I never realized how much this place would change everything, and how happy I would be to see it untouched.

 

He turns on his lamp and pulls down the metal bowl, starting a fire. I pull down a few different cans, knowing that we have to eat as much as possible. We haven't really eaten all day and we don't know when our next meal will be. The two of us sit next to each other and eat greedily, filling our bellies until we can't possibly eat another bite.  
“I'm going to shower,” I say, getting up. I don't miss the smile that crosses Tobias' face.

 

I take off my pants and look over my body -what I can see of it anyways- in the mirror. It feels like it's changed yet again. Maybe it's just because I'm still not used to seeing it, so I notice the smallest thing. Or maybe the events of the past couple of days really has changed it. I eye the dirty bandage and sigh as I open the door.  
“Want to help me with this?”

 

Tobias nods, grabbing the first-aid kit as he follows me into the bathroom. He unties the wrap carefully, and I wince as Tobias tries to remove the rag.  
“It's stuck,” I say. “Probably dried blood.”  
“Get in. Let the water loosen it.”

 

I climb in the shower in my shirt and underwear. I'm glad the water's cool; it relieves the heat that's been radiating from my arm. I turn as I hear the shower curtain.

 

“I got it,” I say.  
“I know,” Tobias says as he joins me in just his boxers. I give him a smile, and he motions for me to put my arm back in the water. He tugs gently, pulling the dirty rag away from the wound and carefully washes away the dried blood.

 

“It's red,” he says.  
“The rag. Maybe because it's been left untreated for so long.” Tobias' face seems to fall when I say this.  
“It's not your fault,” I say. He looks at me for a minute before reaching out and grabbing the kit.

 

I tell him what to use and what to do. We clean out the wound as best as we can, bandaging it tight; I want to clean it out at least once more before sewing it shut. I pour some shampoo in my hand and wince as I try to put it in my hair.  
“Here,” he says, rinsing my hand off and putting some in his own hands.

 

He massages my head, and I relax into it, enjoying his touch and the fact that I've never had anyone do something like this for me before. Someone from Abnegation would have helped me had I been in a similar situation there, but this is different. This isn't helping out of obligation.

 

He guides me back into the water -keeping my arm and clean bandages from getting wet- and runs his hands through my hair as the water washes everything away. From dirt and blood, to factions and inhibitions, I feel it all run down the drain, and I know I am better for it.

 

I open my eyes to find Tobias staring intently at me. I reach out and place a hand on his cheek; he closes his eyes and leans into it.

 

“Thank you,” I say.  
“You're welcome,” he says, opening his eyes. They're dark, and I love that they're so telling when he thinks about me.  
“I'll let you finish,” he says as he gets out of the shower. I get undressed carefully, tossing my wet clothes on the floor and wrapping myself in a towel after I finish.

 

“Here,” Tobias says as I come out of the bathroom. “You don't have any clothes here, and half of what you had is wet.” I take the shirt he's holding out. He kisses me on the side of my head before heading into the bathroom to shower himself.

 

I get dressed just as carefully, smiling as I look down at the Dauntless shirt that's at least two sizes too big. I test out the limitations of my arm while I wait. I move it slowly in all directions, and while it's painful, it's not totally unbearable. Until I reach up. I wince again like I did in the shower, and make a mental note to never do that again.

 

“It's a good look on you,” Tobias says as he comes out of the shower. He has on a pair of yellow Amity pants, and I tilt my head to the side.  
“I don't know if I can say the same for you,” I say, smiling. He shoots me a look, but I give him a wink.  
“Yeah, well, you'll be looking just like this tomorrow, so enjoy that black shirt while you can.”  
“I will, thank you.”

 

He lays down in bed, holding his arm out for me to join him. I crawl into his bed carefully, and unlike the last time I was here, he kisses me as I lie down next to him. I'm tired, but I don't want to sleep; I don't want tomorrow to come and I don't want this quiet moment to end. He places his hand on my hip and I smile.  
“Get some rest,” he says. “I have a feeling we're going to need it.”

 

* * *

 

I'm vaguely aware of the movement next to me, but a sudden jerk and a muffled cry have me snapping my eyes open; a quick look around the room tells me nothing has changed. Another jerk comes from next to me and I blink a few times to focus on Tobias. He's asleep, but his breathing is quick and heavy, and his brow is furrowed.

 

“Tobias,” I say, gently shaking him. “You're dreaming. Wake up.” He doesn't move, and for a split second his face relaxes and I think I've stirred him enough to change his dream. Just as I settle back down, he shoots straight up, and my heart nearly pounds out of my chest.

 

“Hey,” I say breathily and his head snaps in my direction. “It's just me.”  
“Tris,” he says softly, relaxing immediately. He leans over and wraps his arms around me like he hasn't seen me in years. I nuzzle into his neck and give him a small kiss.  
“Bad dream?” I ask, but he doesn't reply. He pulls me closer, and I do my best to wrap my arms around him too.  
“I'm here. I've got you,” I whisper.

 

We lay like that for a while, just holding each other. Tobias' breathing is finally under control, and as much as I don't want him to relive whatever he just dreamed about, I want to know so I can help him through it.

 

“I'm still a good listener,” I say softly. He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly.  
“Today,” he says hesitantly. “Just...all of it. Jeanine. Uriah. The plans. You.” I pull away and look at him.  
“What about me?”  
“You were shot, Tris. And now Erudite is looking for you. It's just nothing like I thought it would turn out. I guess I thought you would just walk into Abnegation, tell your father, and it would be all over with.”

  
“We both knew the risks,” I say.  
“I don't want you to be a risk!” He sits up and lets his head hang. It reminds me so much of how here was the first time we had a real conversation; sad, defeated and tired.  
“I never asked,” I venture, “But you once told me that you let a lot of people down. It didn't really seem that way when we went to Dauntless, so why do you say that?”

 

He is silent for a long time, and I don't press him. Eventually he turns his head towards me just a bit.  
“I didn't belong there,” he says. “I didn't get a Dauntless result.”  
“I know why you left,” I say softly. He is quiet again. If I've learned one thing about Tobias, it's that he will share, but only when he's ready.

 

“I should have stayed,” he says quietly. “I should have proved to him that I didn't need him, _here_. I should have held my head high and made my own way. Instead I took the cowardly way out and ran somewhere he wouldn't dare come. And then I left, again, not having enough courage to stand up in Dauntless too. I had suspicions about Uriah, but I didn't voice them, and I didn't let it affect my decision like I should have. I left without a second thought for them. Zeke and Uriah? They treated me like family, _real_ family, and I let them down.”  
  
“You didn't let anyone down.”  
“Tris,” he says firmly, and I frown. “I did.”  
“Tobias, no, you didn't. Things just took a different course than you had planned, but you're still in the same position. Sure, the pieces have moved, but you're still going to help me through this. You're still going to stop it.”

 

“What if it had happened?” he asks, getting up from bed. “What if it happened already? And I just sat here, doing nothing and pretending like I didn't know?” He starts pacing back and forth, running his hands through his hair. “You wouldn't be saying these things about me if the people you loved were taken or dead! What if they just killed everyone? What if you had been _killed_ , Tris?”

 

“Tobias,” I say, but he ignores me.  
“Stupid,” he mutters. “I should have done something that day. But I ran away, like a god damn coward. You shouldn't be with me, Tris.”  
“Tobias,” I say again, but he continues to ignore me. He paces back and forth, a scowl on his face, his fists balled up. My eyes drift to the hole in the wall as he mutters something I can't quite hear.

 

“Tobias,” I say for the third time. When I get no response I shout, “Four!” His head snaps to me, and his eyes narrow.  
“ _Don't_ call me that.”  
“Then don't act like him,” I retort. I haven't seen many glimpses of it, but what I did see was enough to know he was a completely different person in Dauntless. I can't say I blame him. I might have been someone else too, had I chosen differently.

 

“And don't you ever tell me that I shouldn't be with you,” I say, my voice raising. “You know damn well that you and I belong together, and I don't care if I have to become Factionless just to prove it to you! You leaving brought us together, and as far as I'm concerned, meeting you has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Can you _honestly_ tell me that you don't feel the same way?”  
“No,” he says quietly.

 

“You need to stop focusing on the past. It doesn't matter what you _did_ , it only matters what you _do_ from now on. You and I are going to see this thing through, even if it kills us, because I am not going to let something as stupid as a test tell me who I can and cannot love!”

 

I sit there, staring up at him. He relaxes his hands, letting his fingers unfurl. Neither one of us moves. His eyes flit around the room for a second before he closes them and lowers his head. I see him nod before he takes a deep breath.

 

“I'm going to go and see Evelyn. You wait here for Susan, and we'll go from there.”  
“What? No Tobias. I don't think we should split up.” I feel my heart in my chest and hear it in my ears as I wait for him to argue back.

  
“I know,” he says, a few minutes later, and it takes me by surprise. He looks up at me, with that same brave face and those same sad eyes, and I feel myself deflate, my anger faltering. “But I have to tell her Erudite's plan. Right now, I think she's the lesser threat, and if she holds on to those guns, then the plan can't move forward. If the both of us get caught, it's over. If I get caught, you still have a chance.”

 

I don't like it, but he's right.

 

“Okay,” I say. “But can it wait until tomorrow?”  
“Yeah,” he says, coming back to me. He lays down and I put my head on his chest.

 

Every possible scenario runs through my head as I lay there, each one ending worse than the other. I do my best to stay optimistic though, because at this point failure is not an option. Tobias moves his hand just under my shirt, resting it on my bare hip, moving his thumb in soft, slow circles. I never know whether it's to comfort himself, or me.

 

My eyes start to burn; I close them when I can't stand it any longer. I fall into a dream about Tobias and I having a life together in Abnegation, complete with our own house and kids. As we walk out of our house together, Will appears, followed by Christina and Zeke and Shauna. They pull their guns on us as we stand there, yelling for our children to get behind us. They laugh at our panicked reactions as Jeanine Matthews steps out from behind them.

 

“They're loyal,” she says, “Unlike you two.” I look to my left, and see that Tobias is now chained to a pole; I look down and see that I am too. I struggle against the chains as I search for our children. The houses no longer have doors or windows, and I don't know if they were able to get inside.  
“There's no escaping, Beatrice. And now that we've caught you, well, you know what we do with traitors,” she sneers. They aim their guns at Tobias first, and I scream.

 

I shoot up, pain searing through my arm. I grit my teeth and wipe the sweat from my forehead as I try to calm my breathing and my heart rate. I look to my right, but the bed is empty.  
“Tobias?” I call out, and sheer panic races through me when I don't get a response.

 

 

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

I do my best to keep calm; it's not as if I don't know where he went. It still doesn't mean that a million different things can't happen, including a Dauntless guard spotting him and taking him straight to Jeanine. I look at the very pale light coming in behind the blanket covering the one clear window, and think it can't be any later than six. I huff as I get up, turning on the lamp and carrying it into the bathroom.

 

I remove the bandage and clean my wound. It's definitely going to need stitches for it to close properly and not get infected, but it doesn't look as bad as it did last night. The redness and heat have started to subside. I clean it carefully and bandage it again. There's nothing left for me to do now but sit and wait for Susan.

 

As more time passes, I find myself getting more and more angry. What was he _thinking_? We needed to come up with a plan, some sort of failsafe if things went awry with Evelyn or if he were caught before he even made it there. But instead I'm stuck here worrying and unsure of what I should do next.

 

I get up and pace back and forth, trying to keep myself busy and vent out the anger that keeps building, but it's just not working. I slam my fist down on the desk, and the knife wobbles, catching my eye. So does the gun. He didn't even bother to take either with him.

 

I snatch my sling up and put my arm in it before grabbing the knife. I practice the stances Tobias taught me, and apply them to the movements he showed me with the knife. Before long I am sweating as the blade cuts through the air, each and every move becoming more and more precise. With one last gush of anger, I scream and throw the knife with everything I have- it sticks in the wall.

 

I stand there, dumbfounded, my anger subsiding. The knife is buried deep- deeper than I thought it would be. I walk to it slowly, and stare. I had no idea I was capable of such a thing, and a smile creeps onto my face. A soft knock on the door finally brings me out of my daze.

 

Susan walks in without a word. She looks around, her eyes lingering a second on the knife.

 

“Where's Four?”  
“He's...out,” I answer.  
“Is that a good idea?”  
“Probably not.”  
“Here,” she says, holding out a bag of clothes. I take it from her and rummage through it, finding the clothes she brought for me, and change quickly in the bathroom.

 

“Let me look at that,” she says, motioning for me to come over to her. I set the first-aid kit on the table, thankful she grabbed me a tank top.  
“What happened?” she asks as she gently removes the bandage.  
“I was shot.” Her hands stop moving.  
“Beatrice,” she says. “How much danger are you in?”  
“You read the envelope I gave you?” I see her nod out of the corner of my eye. “Let's just say that Dauntless and Erudite aren't exactly happy that we were able to get that information.”

 

We're quiet while she cleans the wound and stitches me up. I do my best to breathe in through my nose, and out through my mouth each time she pierces my skin with the needle. Without a numbing agent, I can feel everything. The sharp sting of the needle. The suture being pulled through. The pull of my skin. She rubs a salve on it when she's done, and puts a thin bandage over it, making it less obvious that I have an injury.

 

“That bandage should hold for a week,” she says, “Even in water. I'll check it then.” I frown. I know she doesn't get the implications of her words, but it rubs me the wrong way- as if things are going to be back to normal by then.

 

“So what changed?” I ask as she cleans up.  
“What do you mean?”  
“Susan, you are _not_ the same girl I grew up with.”  
“I could say the same about you,” she says, smiling.  
“Yeah, but, I was sort of always like this. Different. You, though? You were always so quiet and reserved and...well, Abnegation. What changed?” She shrugs.

 

“I don't know. I think it was just a bit of everything, really. Caleb and Robert leaving. Meeting Four and realizing what the two of you have and the limitations placed on you. Obviously being a part of this.” I nod. I guess it's not so much of what changed, but more of when did she grow up.

 

“Are you going to be okay?” she asks as she heads to the door.  
“Yeah.”  
“I have faith, Beatrice,” she says. “You should too.” I give her one last small smile before she closes the door.

 

* * *

 

It's agonizing, waiting for the unknown. So many awful scenarios run through my head as more and more time ticks by. One thing's for sure though. I think I can finally understand why some people end up in the hospital, unable to cope with reality. 'Crazy', they call them. It's so easy to lose hope when there's nothing left to inspire it. But reality isn't a tangible thing you can just grasp as it leaves.

 

I look outside for what feels like the millionth time, even though I'm looking in the wrong direction. I guess I hope that if something happens, I would still be able to tell.

 

With nothing to do but wait, I lay down in the bed and try to sleep. If we are going to travel, it will probably be at night, so eating and sleeping are the only things I'm able to prioritize right now. When I finally doze off, I fall into another dream- only this time I'm a helpless bystander.

 

I watch as Tobias is dragged out of the Factionless sector by Dauntless guards, and marched right into Abnegation. Marcus stands in front of our council building, shaking his head, a look of total revulsion on his face.

 

“You disgust me,” he snarls, his eyes black and empty. “You think you can just do whatever you want, Tobias? That the rules don't apply to you?” The guards shove him down on the ground.  
“Tobias!” I shout, but he can't hear me. Nobody can hear me.

 

I struggle to move as his father circles him; my feet seem to be rooted to the spot. The guards all point and laugh at Tobias, his former faction humiliating him as he cowers. The Abnegation that have gathered whisper to each other as they often do when they think no one is looking. I try to move, try to run and help him, try to get anyone's attention, but it's useless. It's as if I don't even exist.

 

“Why won't you help him? Why won't you speak up?” I scream at the people around me, but their eyes are all wide, too focused on what's going on in front of them. I look back to see Marcus take a gun from a Dauntless guard. I try to look away, but now it's not just my feet that won't move; my head is frozen too. I can't even blink. I'm forced to watch as Marcus presses the gun against his own sons temple.  
“This is what happens when you disobey your faction,” he says, and just before he pulls the trigger, I hear Tobias call out my name.

 

“Tris!”

 

I open my eyes to a feeling of total panic racing through me. A soft touch on my arm panics me even more, and I sit up, scooting away from whatever is touching me.

 

“Relax! It's me, Tris. It's just me,” Tobias says, holding his hands up in front of him; it takes me a few seconds to get my bearings.  
“You asshole!” I yell, lurching forward and shoving him. “Dammit!” I breathe out, bringing a hand up to my now throbbing arm. Tobias sits on his ass, staring at me, eyes wide and mouth open.

 

“How could you just leave? Do you have _any_ idea what it's been like, sitting here and wondering if you're dead or alive or captured? God, I've been going _crazy_ , Tobias!”  
“Tris,” he says quietly, as he shakes his head, “I don't think I've ever heard you cuss.”  
“Yeah, well, I've never had a reason to,” I snap at him, squeezing my eyes shut as I put more pressure on my arm. “And of course you would focus on _that_.”  
“I'm sorry,” is all he says.

 

The dream feels like it's on constant repeat in my mind as we sit there in silence. I'll never get that image to go away. Ever. I wonder briefly if Marcus would be capable of such a thing, but why wouldn't he? He made his wife fake her own death, and beat his only child bad enough to leave scars. Marcus Eaton is not a good man.

 

Tobias has looked wary of me the entire time. My heart has finally stopped trying to leave my body, and I'm able to rationalize that it _was_ just a dream, and it's not going to happen. No. I'm not going to _let_ it happen.

 

As much as Tobias deserves my anger for leaving the way he did, I find myself eventually laughing.  
“What?” he finally ventures.  
“You were scared of me,” I tease.  
“I was not,” he fires back.  
“That's not what your face said.” He glares at me, and I laugh even harder. “That doesn't work on me.”

 

His faces relaxes, but he still has a look that says he's upset. I roll my eyes and make the first effort, reaching my hand out- he takes it without thinking twice about it.

 

“I didn't like waking up and not finding you here,” I say.  
“I said I was sorry.”  
“You can't just say sorry and expect everything to be okay. It's not okay. It's far from okay, Tobias. I felt like I was going to explode, waiting here for you to come back. Or to not come back.”  
“Sor-,” he starts, but stops, clenching his jaw a few times before speaking up again. “Okay.”

  
“So...just... _why_?” I ask, and he sighs. I can tell by the way he shifts and the way his lips are pursed and the way he refuses to look directly at me that all of this is making him uncomfortable. It's probably unfamiliar territory; in Abnegation, he only cowered and obeyed, while in Dauntless he used his fists instead of words. I'm about to apologize for pushing him, when he answers.

 

“I didn't want you to try and go with me, Tris. I saw the look in your eyes last night.” He looks up at me now, and I can only nod my head. I _was_ thinking of going. Even of following him if it came down to it. I really can't be mad if I'm just as guilty of things as he is.  
“Just, please don't do it again,” I whisper, and he nods. A few minutes pass before either of us speaks again.

 

“Is Evelyn going to help us?”  
“She made me tell her everything before she agreed to anything,” he says, looking annoyed. “But she agreed to slow the production down, buying us at least another week.” Relief floods through me. In the very least, this part has succeeded.  
“What did she think, when you told her?”

  
“She seemed shocked at first, but then she sort of acted like it was just a matter of time. She offered to send Edward and a few of her 'best guys' to help us, but I told her no thanks.”  
“Good,” I say. “Something about Edward seems...off.”  
“Mmm,” he agrees. “Let's try and get some rest while we can before we leave.”

 

I lay down and so does Tobias. He wraps his arms around me, and I finally feel the last bit of anger I was holding onto dissolve as he relaxes against my back. As angry as I was, I know I would have done the same thing, and staying angry at this point does nothing to help our situation. He brushes my hair off my neck and kisses me, and I feel myself melt back into him.

 

“Tobias,” I whisper.  
“Mmm,” he responds. The vibration from his deep voice paired with his soft lips gives me goosebumps all over. Now is a good time to let myself forget everything, I think, even if it's only temporary.

 

I turn my head, letting Tobias kiss me on my temple and my cheek before sitting up. I keep my arm guarded as I maneuver my way on top of him, leaning down to kiss him instead- he is gentle as he pushes me away.

 

“Your arm,” he says, running a light finger over the new bandage.  
“It's better,” I say, taking his hand and moving it to my breast instead. He takes in a sharp breath and looks up; I give him a small smile and a nod as I roll my hips against him. He responds by squeezing my breast, and I bite my lip.

 

He is careful as he removes my shirt, removing his own afterwards. I hold my injured arm close to me, covering my breasts and he smiles. He sits up, moving my arm just enough to kiss the top of each one before holding on tight and flipping me over. He isn't so gentle as he removes the clothing from my bottom half, and my laugh turns into a gasp quickly as he buries his face in between my legs. I smile as I let myself get lost in the way he explores every last inch of me with his tongue. I thread my fingers into his hair and tug hard as I come.

 

He trails kisses up my stomach, but I push him off me, trailing kisses down his stomach instead as I yank off his pants to return the favor. I'm unsure of things at first, but with a long lick up and around, and a few motions of my mouth, I completely understand why Tobias loves to please me this way; the quiet, satisfied noises and occasional curse words are actually quite endearing. He pulls me away after a while, and I climb on top of him, absolutely in love with the feeling of being in complete control.

 

I lower myself onto him, gasping at how different it feels this time. _Better_. I move my hips, and so does he, and I completely let go.

 

I place my hands on his chest and look down into his dark eyes, biting my lip harder as we move, coming closer to that high with each thrust. His fingers find my breasts. Trail down my back. Dig into my hips. The way he looks at me, with so much desire -but more importantly, love- there is no doubt that I am his and he is mine, and it could never be any other way.

 

I close my eyes and throw my head back, inhaling sharply as my body tenses, enjoying the jolt of pleasure that courses through me. Tobias grips me harder, whispering my name as I come down. I look at him through heavy eyes, and as his thrusts become more erratic, I still him, choosing to take over instead. I move up and down, slowly, feeling him twitch as he tries to restrain himself.

 

“Tris,” he says again, this time followed by a soft “ _fuck”_ and a shudder as his fingers dig into my hips harder, unable to control his erratic movements now. He stills, deep inside me, after one last thrust. I can feel him trembling slightly. I smile as I look down into his sleepy, sated eyes.

 

“I love you,” he whispers as he pulls me down next to him, wrapping himself around me tightly.  
“I love you too,” I say back.

 

* * *

 

“Where to?” I say as we pack up what we can in the sack that was previously a punching bag. I stick the knife in my pocket, having pulled it out of the wall while Tobias was in the shower.  
“Amity. We have to find a way to get this information to Johanna. She's our best bet.”  
“And the guards?”  
“We'll figure it out,” he says firmly. I nod as I finish eating my peaches. Tobias stops what he's doing and cocks his head, so I do the same.

 

“What?” I say, not hearing anything.  
“I thought I heard something,” he says, walking over to the window. “Tris,” he says, motioning for me to join him. I get up and look out the window too.  
“What's going...” I say, not finishing my sentence as I see a few Factionless running in the direction of Abnegation. My heart pounds in my chest- something's wrong.

 

I turn and dash out the door and down the stairs, Tobias on my heels. We run until we see a small crowd gathered near the field between the two sectors.  
“Here,” Tobias says, pulling me into a building. We race up the stairs and I rub my fist on a dirty window on the top floor.

 

I'm frantic as I try to see what they see. “Tobias, I can't!” I shout, and he moves me out of the way. He picks up a stray brick and hits the window, shattering it. We hold back a few moments to not draw any more attention to ourselves, but as I look out the window, my mouth falls open.

 

There are eight Erudite cars that have pulled up in front of Abnegation headquarters. It's far enough away that we'll never be able to hear what they're saying, but close enough that I can make out Jeanine Matthews as she walks through the front door. Dauntless are now exiting the cars, lining up between the Factionless crowd and Abnegation.

 

“It's not starting, is it?” I ask.  
“No.” I nod, worrying now more than ever. I have no idea what's going on. I hear some of the Factionless yell, and I turn my head in their direction. It takes me a minute to notice the Dauntless guards escorting an Abnegation woman through the crowd, and my heart drops.  
“Mom?” I whisper.

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

“Mom!” I shout this time. Panic races through me as I turn to run. I have to get to her. I have to stop them from hurting her. Tobias catches my by the arm, and pulls me into him.  _Hard_ .

 

“Tris, no!” he shouts, as he wraps both of his arms tightly around me. I struggle against him, hitting and kicking like a child throwing a tantrum to get it's way. He lifts me up off the ground and turns, trying to get me into a corner. “It could be a trap!” he says, grunting as my heel collides with his shin.  
“I don't care!”  
“Well I do! Tris, you can't do this! We have to go through with the plan!”

 

“ _The plan_?” I seethe out. “What _plan_ , Tobias? We're barely holding on here, and now they're taking my mom, thanks to me!”  
“I know,” he says, setting me back down now that I've stopped flailing around. “But it's not going to do her, or anyone else any good if you go running out there.” The Factionless make a commotion again, and we both turn back to the window to see the Dauntless bringing a man out of the council building- my father.

 

“Tobias,” I whisper, but he only puts his arms around me and holds on tight. I wish it was just to comfort me, but I know he's just making sure I stay put. We watch as Marcus, and a couple other people come out of the building, waving their arms at Jeanine and the Dauntless guards. I can't make out what they're saying, thanks to the commotions the Factionless are making, but I can see my parents being placed in handcuffs and then being led to separate cars.

 

“Candor,” Tobias says as do my best to hold back my tears. “They're going to take them to Candor.”  
“Then that's where we're going,” I say, and I feel Tobias nod behind me.

 

* * *

 

The Dauntless spent quite some time dispersing the Factionless, but thankfully didn't leave any extra guards roaming around. It's late now -after midnight- and much later than we had initially planned on leaving. We stick to the shadows and avoid the cameras and Dauntless patrols, hyper-aware of every little noise. When we reach the train tracks, I let out a quiet sigh of relief and lean against Tobias. He kisses me on top of my head, resting his own there until we hear the rumble of the coming train.

 

I run as hard as I can, and jump when Tobias does. This time though, it comes more naturally, Despite all that's happening, I feel that rush as the wind whips past me.

 

There are smaller areas the Factionless like to congregate in between each faction, so Tobias and I have no trouble finding somewhere to hide while we try and devise a plan. After a while, we decide that walking straight into Candor with the information is the only thing we can do. They will hopefully place us under the truth serum, and we will have no choice but to tell them everything and pray that it's is enough.

 

We set out just before dawn, leaving our things behind; no matter which way this goes, we won't be needing them. We're cautious as we approach Candor headquarters. There are a few Dauntless guards stationed outside, no doubt because of my parents, and it wouldn't be wise to make any quick movements.

 

“Turn back, Factionless,” one of them states as we approach.  
“No,” I say. “We request a meeting with Jack Kang.”  
“You have no right to that,” he sneers, and I roll my eyes.  
“What's your name?” I ask, hoping a personal approach will work in my favor.  
“None of your business,” he says, raising his gun at me. “Now turn back before I shoot you.”

  
“Peter,” Tobias says from behind me, and I jump. Tobias is stealthier than I think he realizes.  
“How did you...?” Peter trails off as he lowers his gun. A look of recognition flashes over his face.  
“Four,” he whispers and raises his gun again; it's aimed directly at Tobias' head. I raise my hands slowly, and I see Tobias do the same.

 

The boy Tobias called Peter whistles loudly and draws the attention of the other guards who now surround us, weapons drawn. “There's someone here who would _love_ to meet you.”

 

Tobias is relieved of his gun, and I my knife before we are dragged inside. Peter leads the way to a large rectangular room and shoves us in chairs on opposite sides of the table. Tobias' jaw clenches as he is shackled to the table; I am simply cuffed to the chair.  
“Don't go anywhere,” Peter says with a smirk as he leaves the room.

 

“Tris, break the chair against the wall. You can at least get out of here.”  
“No.”  
“Tris.”  
“Tobias, no. I am not leaving you, and I am not leaving here without my parents.” He sighs loudly and shakes his head.

 

“Will you stop being so god damn _stubborn_ for once and get out of here!”  
“No.” He clenches his jaw a few times while throwing me that look of his. “I told you, that doesn't work on me.”

 

The door opens and he turns his head, directing his glare at none other than Jeanine Matthews. I'd like to say I'm surprised to see her here, but at this point, I pretty much expected it. She seems to be everywhere _but_ Erudite.

 

“Hello again, Beatrice. Tobias, it's nice to finally meet you,” she says with a smile not unlike Marcus'.   
“Can't say the same about you,” Tobias quips and I have to suppress a smile.  
“Well then, let's cut the chit-chat, shall we? You have something of mine, and I need you to return it.”  
“No,” I say.

 

She looks between the two of us, almost like she's surprised I'm the one doing the talking, before focusing her attention solely on me. Her eyes narrow, much like they did the first time I met her, and that same uneasy feeling washes over me. But I refuse to back down now. I keep my eyes locked on hers too.

 

“No,” she says in a semi-mocking tone, and smirks. She probably thinks highly of herself for that little comment. What she fails to realize is she just sounds like a petulant child.

 

“Beatrice, you do realize that I have both of your parents here, don't you? You must, otherwise you wouldn't be here. They are going to be charged with conspiracy, and when they are convicted, I won't just allow them to become Factionless, dear.” She pauses as her mouth twists into a sickly sweet smile that sends a shiver down my spine. I wonder what it is that drives her. I received an Erudite result too, but I cannot imagine any scenario which would result in me making the decision to wage war on another faction, especially one as innocent as Abnegation.

 

“Oh, no,” she continues, “I am going to push for them to be executed as a warning to everyone else. There will be no more traitors, and no one willing to help you once they know what risks you two pose, and then you will have _no_ choice but to give me what it rightfully mine. Unless, of course, you are willing to cooperate now.”

 

My heart pounds in my chest at her words, and I do my best to keep any emotion out of my face. I can't give in and let my emotions take over now. I can't.

 

“You're too late,” I say, calling her bluff.  
“I highly doubt that, but I'll humor you. Go on.”  
“We've already shared the information with the other factions, this was just our last stop,” I say, smiling her same fake smile right back at her.  
“Lies,” she says, her face morphing into something I can only describe as vicious. I shrug.  
“Go ahead and use the truth serum then if you don't believe me.”

 

I hold my breath as I wait for her response. She leans over to talk with someone else from Erudite, and I risk a quick glance at Tobias who gives me a single tiny nod. I don't know why, but as I watch the two of them talk, I think of Caleb. Of what he's doing right now, and if he agrees with what Jeanine is doing. The man finally agrees with her, and it's then that I realize his mannerisms are similar to my brothers. Caleb really was always Erudite.

 

“Very well then,” she says, breaking me out of my thoughts as she motions to Peter. “Bring them both.”  
“One request,” I say, and he stops turning back to Jeanine.  
“I am certain that you are in no position to be making requests, Beatrice.”  
“I want Jack Kang present,” I say, ignoring her. She narrows her eyes at me for a moment before motioning to Peter again.

 

We are brought into a room that's larger than anything in Abnegation. It's filled with benches, floor to ceiling that encircle the center, which consists of just two single chairs facing each other. Tobias and I are shackled to the only table in the room.

 

“What is going on here?” I hear a familiar voice shout and silently give my thanks as I turn my head and see Jack Kang entering, followed by a few other Candor. “This is _not_ Erudite Jeanine, and you have no jurisdiction here!”  
“Relax, Jack. They showed up just as we were leaving, so we did you a favor by arresting them.”  
“Liar!” I shout, getting Jack's attention.

 

“Beatrice...,” he says, giving me a sad look. “I have to question you, and I have to put you under the truth serum-”  
“I know,” I interrupt, “But Jack, listen to me-” I am cut off by the butt of a gun to my jaw. Tobias' face is red and his eyes are furious as he struggles against the shackles. “I'm fine,” I say to him, but level Peter with a glare.

 

“That is not necessary, and I will not stand for it in my courtroom, do I make myself clear?” Jack says, and Jeanine gives him a small shrug.  
“They are not my people.”  
“No, but they _are_ here on your behalf, so I expect them to behave,” he says loudly, turning to look pointedly at Peter. “Beatrice?”

 

“I need you to listen to me,” I say carefully, moving my jaw as little as possible. “I would like for every faction leader to be present when I am questioned.”  
“Beatrice, I don't understand.”  
“Jack, _please_.” He looks at me for a moment before looking at Tobias.

 

“I don't think I can get them all together on such short notice-”  
“Then at least get in contact with Johanna. The tablets.” I look over at Tobias who doesn't drop his gaze from Jack's. I look back at Jack who is just standing there, dumbfounded by everything.  
“Okay, give me a minute,” he says as he leans over to a girl who nods and takes off quickly.

 

“We don't have time for this, Jack,” Jeanine says. “They broke into the Dauntless compound and stole sensitive weapons information, which they then shared with Abnegation and probably the Factionless too. Dauntless is who you should be getting in touch with, not Amity. These two should be tried with treason along with her parents, not be accommodated.”  
“Quiet,” Jack says as he takes the tablet from the Candor girl as she runs back, breathing heavily. Jeanine's face never panics; she only purses her lips.

 

He taps it a few times and when I hear Johanna's voice, I hang my head and let out a loud sigh.  
“Beatrice!” I hear her say, and I lift my head to see her staring back at me. “What is going on? Are you okay?”  
“No Johanna, I'm not. But I have what you asked for.” She nods.  
“And Four?”  
“He's here too,” I say, and Jack moves the tablet. Tobias gives a quick nod before Jack turns it back to himself.

 

“So you're complicit in this too, Johanna? Shame. You were _such_ a good leader.”  
“Who...is that _Jeanine_?” Johanna asks and Jack nods his head, turning the tablet towards her. “Jack, what is going on?”

  
Jack takes a minute to explain to Johanna how my parents were brought in yesterday on charges of treason by Erudite, how Tobias and I showed up today, and how I requested an audience for my interrogation. She is silent as Jack undoes my shackles on the table and gestures for me to sit in one of the chairs where I am cuffed again. A man with long dark hair and even darker eyes comes and sits across from me. Another Candor sticks a needle in my neck and I wince, before feeling a heavy tugging sensation in my head and chest. I take one last look at Jeanine, and feel a wicked smile cross my face.

 

“Please state your name,” the man says.  
“Beatrice Prior,” I answer without hesitation.  
“And your faction of origin?”  
“Abnegation.”  
“And your current faction?”  
“Abnegation.”

  
“Good. Beatrice,” he starts, and I find my eyes are heavy as I look up at him. He speaks and I'm having a hard time understanding or even hearing the words he is saying, yet answers seem to just come out on their own. I know what I'm saying, though, and I don't want it to stop until every last piece of it is out.

 

Eventually he must ask me the right question, because I unleash the truth, telling everyone in front of us about Four being suspicious and finding the lists and the invasion plans. About breaking faction rules and doing what I needed to do to protect Four, including taking a position on the council. For some reason I also tell them about bringing Four home with me and getting an offer of help from Will and how we broke into Dauntless to retrieve the information.

 

Eventually I come to the part where we asked Evelyn to delay the gun production to buy us some time, and I am interrupted.

 

“Who is Evelyn?” I hear the question clearly for the first time. The serum must be wearing off, I think.  
“Evelyn Eaton. Marcus Eaton's wife. She's alive.” The man tells me to continue, and I do until I feel the heavy tugging sensation begin to dissipate.

 

“Beatrice, thank you for your honesty,” Jack says in unison with the other Candor that are in the room, and I look up to see Johanna's face smiling back at me. “I don't see any reason to question Four, do you?” he asks, and I hear a no from Johanna and see the few people around the room shake their heads. “Guards, please take Jeanine into custody for questioning.”

 

I look over at Tobias who has a smile on his face. _You did it_ he mouths and now I smile. The man frees me from the chair and walks over to the table, releasing Tobias too. The Dauntless guards that are there haven't moved though, and I see the spine-shivering smile that's crept on to Jeanine's face.

 

“There's just one thing you forgot, Jack,” she says in that arrogant tone of hers. “They're on my side.” I watch in shock as she makes her way out of the room, surrounded by Dauntless guards.

 

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

“Beatrice, calm down. It's going to be fine,” Johanna says to me as I hold the tablet.  
“I just thought that this would be it. I should have known it wouldn't be this simple,” I say, my voice thick with emotion. “I do have the proof somewhere safe though,” I say to both her and Jack.  
“I hate to bring this up, but even with everything you've told us, and with the information you've acquired, everything is still circumstantial. You've known about this for how long, Four? And nothing has ever come of it?”  
“Jack,” Tobias says sternly, but Jack just raises his hand.

 

“I'm not saying I don't believe you. With the information you retrieved and your testimony under the truth serum, I think that's more than enough to raise suspicions. What I'm saying is Jeanine might be able to frame it as...I don't know, plans for _defending_ another faction- Erudite and Dauntless working together to come up with a plan of action.” Tobias and I look at each other, and I deflate just a bit. Deep down I think I always knew that this was a possibility.

 

“Do you think all of Dauntless is on Erudite's side?” Jack says to nobody in particular.  
“No,” Tobias and I answer in union.  
“Arrange a meeting with Will, their Ambassador, now,” Jack says to the same Candor girl. She nods and pulls our another tablet as she walks away. “This is the same Will that helped you?”   
“Yes,” I say.  
“Good. Maybe we can get in contact with him before Jeanine does. Try to get to the bottom of this and hopefully find a way to resolve...whatever this is before it even begins.” We say our goodbyes to Johanna, and promise to keep in contact with her.

 

At least luck is on our side for one thing. Jack is able to get into contact with Will easily, not letting on that anything is amiss, but stressing the urgency of meeting him as soon as possible. Will agrees to take the next train over. There's nothing left to do but wait now.

 

“Beatrice?” I hear a familiar voice say, and everything I have been fighting so hard to keep inside breaks free all at once.  
“Mom!” I say, rushing over to her. “I was so worried.” My tears fall freely as I hold her tight. “I saw them take you and dad, and I wanted to run out and take your place _so bad_. I know they only took you because of me. I'm sor-”  
“Shh,” my mother soothes as she strokes her hand down my hair.

 

I close my eyes when I feel my father come up behind me, placing a warm hand on my back. No matter how old I get, or how hard I pull away, they will always be my parents. I know I'll be able to count on them to be there for me, and maybe even to make things a little better, even if it's just with a hug and some comforting words.

 

“Why did they arrest you?” I ask.  
“I had taken the information left on our doorstep,” my mother says, smiling down at me, “And confronted Marcus with it. Confronted everyone, really, before storming off into the Factionless sector when they wouldn't take it seriously. They called the Dauntless guards, afraid for my safety and for what I might do. Jeanine showed up with them, claiming I was trying to incite a riot, trying to turn the Factionless against the factions, and that I was an accomplice to theft of sensitive information that could be considered treason. Same for your father.”

 

She looks to my father at the mention of him, and I can almost see the silent words that are passing between them. My father's eyes are sad at first, but turn hopeful when my mother smiles. She does this when he is upset by something, and I wonder if my father agreed to call the guards, or tried to stop it. Either way, she has forgiven him.

 

“Mom.” My voice cracks, the weight of the guilt crushing me. I never expected any of this to happen. I never expected anyone to get hurt.  
“Honey, it's okay. It doesn't matter now,” she says quietly, squeezing me tightly. I bury my face in her shoulder, trying to pull some of her strength into me.

 

“I don't understand,” Jack says. “A simple dose of the truth serum would have proved that Natalie and Andrew had no idea what was going on, and didn't help you steal anything. Jeanine didn't even push for it when she brought them in. She simply asked that we put them in a holding cell, told me roughly the same thing about starting riots and traitorous activity, and that was it.” I wipe my eyes and look at Tobias now, who seems to be lost in thought.

 

“There was really only one benefit to her bringing them here,” he says. My heart races when I realize that we might still have the upper-hand.  
“She was bluffing,” I say. “She wanted us to come here, and turn over the evidence in exchange for my parents safety.”  
“But we didn't.”  
“No.”

 

I don't know what any of this means, but Jack is still right. At this point, she hasn't acted. What if we're wrong? I can't see Dauntless teaming up with Erudite. Well, at least not all of them. And what could she possibly say to convince them to go after Abnegation? I also wonder why she would allow me or Tobias to be questioned. I hate this- the fear and the doubt. I've been so sure all along, but now...

 

“Who's your friend,” my mother asks, breaking me out of my own thoughts. I feel a little guilty that I didn't even think about introducing Tobias.  
“Oh. This is Four,” I say.  
“Hello, Four,” my mother says, reaching out and shaking his hand. “It's nice to meet you. I'm Natalie.”  
“Andrew. And thank you, for keeping our daughter safe,” my father adds as he shakes his hand too.  
“You're welcome, but it's not all me. Your daughter can take very good care of herself.” I smile as my mom gives me a gentle nudge.

 

“Andrew? Natalie? If you like, I can arrange for transportation back to Abnegation,” Jack says.  
“Thank you Jack, but-”  
“Yes. That would be lovely. Thank you Jack,” my mother says, interrupting my father. “I think just this once we can afford to be a little selfish, don't you?” I smile and so does my father, who places a soft kiss on her cheek.

 

We hug goodbye when it's time for them to leave. “He seems like a keeper,” my mother whispers into my ear. I blush a little, wondering how she knew, but my mother was always perceptive.  
“He is,” I whisper back.

 

“You got this, Beatrice. Don't stop until you succeed, okay? Whatever it takes, we will be with you every step of the way. Your father and I are going to meet with Marcus and the others now and discuss things on that end. We have to get them to at least pretend this is serious, in case anything does happen.”

 

“Okay.” I give her a kiss on the cheek. I hug my father tightly before he gets into the car, and smile at Tobias' face as my mother gives him a hug too.  
“You take care of our daughter,” she says out the window just before they pull away.  
“Always,” Tobias says, and my heart skips a couple of beats.

 

Jack offers us a room to shower in, and a hot meal. I've never been happier to eat something that wasn't out of a can. Tobias must feel the same, because we both eat greedily. With my belly full, my eyes begin to droop- the stress of the past few days finally catching up with me. I open my eyes when I feel a hand on my shoulder, and see Tobias smiling down at me.  
“Will's here,” he says, and I yawn before standing up.

 

“Will!” I say as I walk into one of Candor's meeting rooms. “You're okay!”  
“Beatrice! We all are, so no worries,” he says, smiling and shaking our hands. “So Jack gave me a very quick run down. The faction is split, and those that are loyal to Dauntless are still there while the others have gone to Erudite. We had debated leaving for Amity -you know, seeking out neutral territory to preserve lives- but decided that we would hold fast at our home to defend it if necessary.”

 

“How many?” Tobias asks.  
“About half.”  
“And your weapons?”  
“We have some, but the traitors took most of them.”  
I look at Tobias, and he gives me a nod.

 

“We have guns for you,” I say. “The Factionless. We were able to convince their leader to hold onto them, slow production down so we will have those available to us if necessary.”  
“How do you think it stands, us against them?” Tobias asks.  
“Honestly? The Erudite aren't going to fight. That's why they needed Dauntless. So it's sort of even, really.”  
“Max and Eric?”  
“With Jeanine,” Will answers. I see Tobias clench his jaw a few times and take in a deep breath. “We are going to hold elections tonight, for new leaders.”

 

As I watch the exchange between them, I'm sort of in awe. They are both succinct, and easily know what the other is talking about, even if it's only two or three words. It's like Tobias never left.

 

“You could come back with me,” Will says, and it takes me a bit by surprise.  
“I don't know if that's such a good idea,” Tobias says.  
“Well, _I_ don't think it's a bad idea, and neither does out little rag-tag team.” I smile at the thought.

 

Me, the girl from Abnegation, and her small band of Dauntless friends. Somehow, it doesn't feel as odd as it should. Maybe it's because a part of me always felt drawn to it. Or maybe it's because another part stands next to me; tall, strong, and confident. That part has taught me a lot about myself, and about breaking down barriers and straddling faction lines.

 

“Believe it or not,” Will continues, “They don't think of you guys as faction traitors. Those that are left are actually glad you two did this. They're a lot more understanding than you think. I mean, we're not all neanderthals. Some of us _can_ think for ourselves.” Will smirks and I smile, but Tobias' face stays the same.  
“We'll think about it,” I say.

 

“How's Zeke holding up?” Tobias asks.  
“He's...not doing too well. We've had to stop him a few times from heading over to Erudite by himself. Shauna has set it up where one of us is basically with him at all times. She's afraid he'll go in there, guns blazing, and get himself killed. Especially now that half of Dauntless is there.”

 

“How can we do it?” I ask, motioning for Jack to join us. “There are people she took from each faction. We need to rescue them too.”  
“In due time, Beatrice. We don't have any reason to believe she's hurting anyone. Once we come up with a plan with the remaining Dauntless to get her to surrender and come in for questioning on her own, we'll get them.” I nod my head, but Tobias' face says exactly what I'm feeling; she's not going down without a fight. Absolutely nothing has gone like we planned, and she can't just be holding onto those people for safe keeping.

 

“So you're with us then, Jack?” Will asks.  
“No,” he says, and I scrunch my eyebrows at his response. “I'll handle things on this end, but that's it. Candor is not equipped to fight if it comes down to it, and I won't put my faction at risk like that.”  
“Jack,” I say, but he raises his hand to silence me.

 

“I believe in you, Beatrice. What you and Four have done is remarkable, commendable even, but I can't be a part of it. Not like this. You get her here -and Max- and I will make sure neither of them see the light of day ever again when the truth comes out. I will help you restore order, and I will even help you with your proposition, if you're still going to go through with it. But that is all the help I can offer.” Tobias turns and walks away, and I can tell by the way his muscles have tensed, he's upset.

 

“Okay. Thank you, Jack. For everything.”  
“You're welcome. Here,” he says, handing me a tablet. “If you think there is something I can help you with, don't hesitate to contact me. You can reach Johanna and Will this way too. But tonight? Go home, Beatrice. Take Four and have a nice dinner with your parents. You both deserve that. This will all still be here tomorrow when you wake up.”

 

 _This will all still be here tomorrow when you wake up._ His words are unsettling. This isn't any closer to ending, and I don't know what to do anymore.

 

I shake his hand and thank him again before setting off to find Tobias. It doesn't take me long to find him pacing back and forth on a step outside.

 

“We needed the numbers,” he says when I walk up. “We needed that advantage.”  
“I know. We'll figure it out. I can get in contact with everyone now,” I say, holding up the tablet. “Let's just go home.” He looks at me for a moment and nods before taking my hand and leading me to the car that's pulled up.

 

Tobias relaxes, resting his arm around my shoulder most of the ride home. It's not until I turn and look at him, that I know what we have to do.  
“The Factionless,” I say, and he raises an eyebrow. “We _do_ have an advantage.”

 

* * *

 

I have the driver drop us off at Abnegation headquarters. Tobias tenses back up when we reach the door- his breathing has increased and I can see a slight tremble in his hands.

 

“Hey,” I say. “You don't have to be here. I can do this alone.”  
“No.”  
“Just look at me, then. He doesn't exist. Only you and I do.”

 

Tobias closes his eyes for a moment before looking down at me the way he often does. He takes my face in his hands and kisses me -slowly, deeply- leaving me breathless and wanting more when he pulls away. I know there are Abnegation walking past us, judging us, but I don't care. He gives me a small smile and I return it, taking a deep breath before he pulls the door open.

 

The office looks as it always does, and I ignore the stares and silent judgements as we walk straight to Marcus. I knock once and open the door, not bothering to wait for a response.

 

“Beatrice? What are you doing-” he stops, as soon as he sees Tobias. “Son.”  
“Where are my parents?” I ask.  
“What? I...I don't know. Candor, I assume?”

  
“They're not here?” I ask, my heart rate increasing. “Did they come back?” Marcus shakes his head in confusion.  
“Would they have gone home?” Tobias says from behind me, ignoring his father's stare.  
“I don't think so, but we need to check.”

 

I turn on my heels despite a protesting Marcus and head into my fathers office. I reach under the desk and retrieve the drive, shoving it in my pocket on my way out. Marcus follows behind as Tobias leads the way out, keeping just enough distance between the two of them.  
“Follow me and I'll clue you in,” I say to Marcus as we walk faster. Even though I'm not sure how he's a part of this, I am sure that he is fairly ignorant on exactly what it is he's gotten himself into.

 

“Mom! Dad!” I yell out as I throw their front door open. I get no response, and race up the stairs, checking each room just in case. “They're not here,” I yell as I run back down, stopping on the last step.  
“Son.” It feels like Marcus is just inches away from Tobias, who is looking at me.

 

“Hey!” I say, quickly stepping between the two of them. “You talk to me, not him. He is _not_ here for you, Marcus. Do I make myself clear?”  
“Son,” he says again, and I shove him.  
“You don't get to call him that!” I shove him again, and he looks completely baffled.

 

“Tris,” Tobias says, pulling me back.  
“No!” I say, wrenching myself from him. “He's not completely innocent in this. Why did you sign off on the weapons increase, Marcus? Why did you call Dauntless on my parents?” His face immediately changes; what was once a soft look at the sight of his son becomes a blank stare.  
“I don't know what you're talking about.”

  
“Don't lie to me. Unlike everyone else is this faction, I know _exactly_ what you are, and I have the proof too,” I say, pointing to Tobias. “You are _not_ innocent. Not by a long shot.” Marcus keeps his face blank, but his eyes look wild as he focuses his stare down at me.

 

“Do not threaten me, little girl,” he says through gritted teeth. “You have no idea what you are talking about. If you think for one second you're going to be able to convince this entire faction-”  
“Enough!” Tobias yells from behind me, causing both Marcus and I to jump. I turn and see Tobias' anger isn't directed at me, but his father. It's almost frightening how similar their eyes are in this moment.  
“Come on,” he says, taking my hand and leading me out the door.

 

“Where are you going? Tobias, get back here this instant!” Marcus yells from behind us. Tobias reels around so fast he nearly knocks me down. My heart almost stops when he gets within an inch of his fathers face.  
“No,” he says firmly, turning back around and taking my hand again. Marcus doesn't say anything else as we leave him standing in the middle of the road.

 

Now's not the time to say anything, but my heart is swelling with pride. I don't know if Tobias will ever open up enough to tell me everything about his past with his father, but I've heard enough to know that what Tobias just did, standing up to his father like that, took a lot of courage.

 

“Where are we going?” I finally ask.  
“Dauntless,” he says. “We're going to find out what happened to your parents.”

 

 

 

 


	24. Chapter 24

“Jumping here is the same. Just push out as far as you can,” Tobias says to me as he leans out of the train car. I nod, a bit nervous. Jumping on the ground is one thing, but now I will have to jump through the air. I swallow down the lump forming in my throat as I think of all the things that can go wrong.

 

“You know they make you do this right away? It's part of initiation.”  
“It is?”  
“Yeah. Try having a fear of heights too,” he says, a small smile on his face.  
“You don't seem scared now.”  
“No, not any more. The trains became my escape over the years. I could always count on this little bit of freedom when I needed it.”

 

I stand and join Tobias, one hand holding his, the other holding onto the car. I understand it, the need to escape, and this is definitely the way to do it. You can visit the entire city in a few hours without ever having to see or talk to anyone, or do anything other than open your eyes. A small twinge of jealousy runs through me; coming from Abnegation, Dauntless is the very definition of freedom. But I push it aside. Tobias hasn't exactly had it easy.

 

“We're here,” he says, letting go of my hand and pointing. “Gray one up ahead.” I nod, looking forward. He pulls me back and gives me a quick, reassuring smile. He holds his finger up and looks out the car one last time. “Don't think, just jump.”

 

I run forward just after he jumps, pushing off with all my strength; I am weightless, if only for a moment. I land hard on the roof, rolling and scraping my hand.

 

“You okay?” he says, helping me up.  
“Yeah. I'm fine.” I stand and brush my legs and arms off. I look back and see I jumped further than I thought I could, and a small smile finds it's way onto my face.

 

“You made it!” I hear Will say and turn to see him standing with Christina and Shauna.  
“We have a problem,” Shauna says, motioning for us to follow her.

 

* * *

 

“He what?” Tobias says after we are seated around a table in the cafeteria. “God dammit!”  
“It's my fault.”  
“Marlene, no,” Lynn says. “It's nobody's fault but his. That's just the stubborn, pig-headed Pedrad way.”  
“But _I_ was supposed to be watching him. He told me he just had to make a quick stop for something in the control room, so I didn't follow him up. I thought he would just get whatever it was and come back down. I didn't think he would leave.”  
“Doesn't matter,” Tobias says. “We're working as closely as we can with Amity and Candor, but it's ultimately up to us to stop all of this this. We'll get Uriah _and_ Zeke, and then we're going to make Jeanine and Max and Eric pay.” All the heads around the table nod eagerly.

 

“What's next?” Will asks.  
“First, I need access to the camera footage-”  
“No. First you need to get out of those god awful clothes,” Lynn interrupts.  
“-So I can find out if Zeke _did_ in fact go to Erudite,” Tobias continues, glaring at Lynn, “And I need to find out what happened to Tris' parents.”

  
“Tris?” Will says, and I smile. “I like it.”  
“It's my Dauntless name,” I joke.  
“Then you need Dauntless clothes to go with it. Come on,” Christina says, holding a hand out to me. “I'll take her to get some stuff and we'll meet you up there.”

 

“Christina, I don't really need to try all of this stuff on, do I?” I say, looking at the pile of clothes she's set down in the clothing store changing room. “I just need one outfit.”  
“Oh, no. A girl cannot survive on one outfit alone. Here, try these first,” she says, handing me a pair of pants. I shoot her a look as I snatch them out of her hands.

 

“What took you so long,” Tobias says, looking more at ease in his Dauntless black. He's sitting in front of a computer, typing away.  
“Girl stuff,” I say, making a face and setting down a bag filled with Dauntless attire.  
“You look better in black,” he says, giving me a once over, and I smile, blushing a little as the others nod in agreement. I don't say it, but I feel better in black, too.

 

“Find anything?”  
“Yeah. I was able to track Zeke. He did go to Erudite,” he says with a sigh. I see Shauna slump a bit, and Marlene moves to put her arm around her.  
“And my parents?” I ask nervously. Tobias looks up from the screen, and sighs again. He motions for me to look.

 

I watch the car they left in approach an intersection. Two others come up -one from each side- and Dauntless guards step out with their guns drawn. My parents and the driver get out with their hands up- they shoot the driver immediately. I see my mother yell as one of them comes up behind my father and hits him over the head with his gun. My father falls to the ground, and my mother drops to her knees just before they do the same to her. They're each placed in a car before they drive out of frame.

 

“Now maybe Jack won't be so hesitant to help us,” Tobias says. He takes my tablet and plugs a cable into it. A few taps later he hands it back to me, pulling the cable out at the last minute. “I sent a copy to him and Johanna. I'm sure they'll be calling soon.”

 

“Four,” I say, clutching the tablet to my chest. “We have to go. We have to get them all back. My parents and Zeke and-”  
“I know,” he interrupts. “But we can't just go, Tris. We need a plan, and we need help. We're going to get them. All of them.” I nod. He's right. We cant do this alone.

 

Both Johanna and Jack call, furious over what's happened. Both blame each other for their lack of involvement, but neither one offers up any suggestions. We're no better off than we were this morning. I can't help but wonder if we're ever going to move forward. I slam the tablet down on the desk, frustration getting the best of me.

 

“Evelyn,” Tobias says.  
“I don't know. I mean, I know it was my idea about using the Factionless, but there's something not right about it. Something she's not telling us.”  
“I think you're right,” he says, running a hand down his face. “But it's all we have left.”  
“Elections in an hour,” Will says. “If you want to wait, we can see who's elected and we can go from there.”

 

I _don't_ want to wait. I want to walk right into Erudite and demand that my parents are returned to me. I want Zeke and his brother back. I want to pretend none of this ever happened.

 

But I can't.

  
“And if the new leaders don't want to get involved?” I ask.  
“That doesn't matter. You'll still have us,” Shauna says.

 

* * *

 

We gather in the Pit, and once again I find myself in total awe of Dauntless life. They're loud and rowdy, sure, but as I watch, I see more and more things that I don't think I would have noticed before; the young Dauntless children getting hugs from their parents, teenagers sharing some food and a joke, a woman offering to help a younger boy with his homework after the elections and his mother thanking her. All normal every day things that I never thought about happening here. I know I'm not the only one; we judge too much on the faction instead of seeing the person that is right here in front of us.

 

It takes some time, but Will and another woman named Scarlett, their last leader, quiet the group down. It seems as though with the other leaders gone, Will has slid into the temporary position of leader.

 

“Now as you know,” Scarlett starts, “Max and Eric have fled the compound, choosing to ally themselves with Erudite. It has been brought to our attention that the Erudite could possibly have a plan in place to attack Abnegation.” The people around me mutter and boo, and it pleases me to hear them disagree. “Those of us that are loyal to Dauntless are not going to let that happen!”

 

The crowd erupts with loud cries, and I bring my hands up to cover my ears. This is only half of them, I can't imagine what it's like with a full house. I can tell Tobias is laughing at me, even with all of the noise. He gives me a small smile and pulls me in front of him, wrapping his arms around me tightly.

 

“We are working on a plan,” Will adds. “When the time comes, we expect you to do what is right, and what is expected of any Dauntless member. We believe in shouting for those who can only whisper, in defending those who cannot defend themselves. Who stands before us, willing to defend?”

 

The crowd roars again, and I find myself yelling right along with them this time. Those are my people. No. _These_ are my people, every last one of them- I belong to them just as much as I belong to those in Abnegation.

 

“But first,” Scarlett yells over the crowd, “We must elect new leaders. Shout out now those you wish to represent you!”

 

“Garrett!”  
“Isla!”  
“Trinity!”  
“Harrison!”

 

The shouts come from every direction, echoed from multiple sources as people begin making their way to the stage. I look over my shoulder to Tobias, who has a grin on his face.  
“Will!” I shout, smiling as my cry is echoed too.

 

There are a total of ten people on stage, and only two seats available. Scarlett calls out for a vote on who will lead with her, holding her hand over each person as she walks past them, listening to the screams and stomps of those offering their support. Tobias and I scream and clap loudly for Will. She taps on a few shoulders and they leave the stage, narrowing it down to four people. When all is said and done, Will and Harrison are elected.

 

“See? Nothing to worry about,” Will says, as he comes off stage. Christina practically mows him down, kissing him all over his face.  
“Why don't you guys head to the training room for a little while, let off some steam? I'll come and get you when we're done discussing a few things,” Will says. I look to Tobias, whose mouth is turned up just slightly.

 

We are joined by Shauna, Lynn and Christina. Lynn heads to the punching bags, while Shauna grabs some knives out of a cabinet.  
“I just need to throw,” she says.

 

“So this is part of your initiation too?” I ask.  
“Yeah,” Tobias answers. “Throwing knives, shooting guns, fighting. That's the first part.”  
“What's next?”

  
“Fear landscapes,” Christina says, shuddering. “One word. Moths. Everywhere.”  
“Moths?” I say.  
“That's two words,” Tobias interjects.  
“Smart-ass,” Christina says, and I whip my head towards Tobias, waiting for his reaction.  
“Better than a smart-mouth,” he says, looking up from the knife in his hand. He stares at the target for a second and throws the knife, hitting it dead center.

 

“I wondered if you remembered,” Christina says, a smile creeping onto her face.  
“How could I forget,” he responds dryly. I just stand there, looking between the two of them. They share a look and a nod before Christina lets a knife fly. She's nowhere near as good as Tobias.

 

I pick up a knife myself, and try to remember what it was that I did back at Tobias'. All I can remember though is how angry I was.

 

“Like this,” Tobias says, holding a knife again. I watch his form as he gives a mock throw. I imitate it a few times and watch him throw a few more before I gather enough courage. I let my knife fly after he lets go of one of his- it's not dead center, but it sticks.

 

“Tris!” Christina says from behind me. “On your first try, too!”  
“Not her first,” Tobias says, and I see the look he gets from Shauna and Christina.  
“You knew?” I ask, but he just gives me one of those barely noticeable smiles. Of course he saw it. It was sticking out of the wall. You couldn't miss it. I just didn't think he knew I _threw_ it.

 

We throw knives for a while in silence until Tobias walks away and grabs a gun. He motions me over to where he is and holds it out to me.

 

“I don't know,” I say. I'm comfortable now with the knife, but the gun just feels like I'm taking a step too far. A knife at least has another purpose. A gun is simply made for killing, and I don't know if I could ever do that. But I've also never been in a situation where I had to make that choice.  
“It's just incase. I want you to at least know how to hold it and how to aim.”

 

We do the same thing -me imitating his stance and the way he holds the gun- only I nearly knock myself down the first time I pull the trigger. I blush a bit, embarrassed that everyone else is so much better than I am, only to remember that this isn't my faction; of course they're better than me. Tobias encourages me with a soft smile.

 

Shauna and Christina come over and give me tips too, since they're both girls and at least a little closer to my stature than Tobias. Eventually I hit the target, and when I do it a second and third time, they decide that a celebration is in order. According to them, you can't do that without cake.

 

We head to the cafeteria, catching Will along the way. They crowd around me as Christina sets a giant piece of chocolate cake down in front of me, a large grin on her face.

 

“You all need to stare?” I ask, picking up my fork. I look at Tobias; he has both his eyebrows raised and seems to be just as enthused as the rest of them.  
“Yes,” they answer, laughing and smiling as I put the first bite in my mouth.  
“Well?” Christina asks.

 

“I was just wondering,” I say slowly, “When I died and went to heaven.” They cheer and pat me on the back as they each dig into their own slices.  
“You should have seen her the first time she tried a hamburger,” Will says, around a mouthful of cake, and I smile.

 

Tobias and I make our way back to his room, and I'm excited to be sleeping somewhere normal and not on the run anymore. I rummage through the things Christina and I got earlier, and frown.

 

“What,” Tobias asks.  
“I didn't get anything to sleep in,” I say as I kick off my shoes. Dauntless attire is vastly different from Abnegations, and nowhere near as easy to sleep in. He smiles and  
heads into his closet, coming out with one of his shirts.  
“Here,” he says, handing it to me. I chuckle to myself as I slip it on. It's at least three sizes too big, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It feels like home.

 

We crawl into bed together, and it still feels as comfortable as it did the first time, maybe even more comfortable than my place. I pull the blue quilt up over me even though it's a warm night. It's a part of Tobias' past that he let me into, and I want to be a part of it too.

 

He kisses my forehead as I roll into him, trying to forget the plan we set for tomorrow so I can get some sleep. I won't be of any use if I'm up all night, worrying. I already feel like I've done enough of that to last a lifetime.

 

 

 


	25. Chapter 25

“Ready?”  
I look up at Tobias, and nod my head. We hop the train, and I say a silent prayer that everything goes smoothly. When we arrive in the Factionless sector, everything looks as it always does, which is a good sign. Nobody stops us -even Edward- when we enter the old warehouse and make our way up to see Evelyn.

 

“Tobias. Beatrice,” she says with a nod to Tobias and a glare to me. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”  
“The gun production,” Tobias starts.  
“I delayed it like you asked.”  
“I know. But what we need now is for you to finish it, so we can arm Dauntless.” She looks between the two of us, and I immediately feel uncomfortable; there's something about her cold demeanor that just sets me on edge.  
“Beatrice, could you please give Tobias and I a moment?” I look over to him, but he just nods.

 

I walk halfway down the stairs and sit, not really wanting to get any closer to Edward. I watch the Factionless go about their business while I wait, when a girl with long blonde hair catches my eye. For a moment I think it's Myra, but the woman is too old. My curiosity gets the better of me, so I stand and walk down the stairs.

 

“Can I ask you something?”  
“What?” Edward says, clearly irritated.  
“How's Myra?” He makes a noise in his throat that sounds like a mix between a laugh and a scoff.  
“How the hell would I know?”  
“She's your girlfriend, isn't she?”

“She was. Bitch was too clingy, so I told her to get lost. Haven't seen her since.” My face twists at the thought.

 

“How could you?” I say. “She loved you. She left her faction for you -twice- and you just tossed her aside because she wanted to be with you?”  
“That was her choice,” he says with a shrug. “She didn't have to make either one.”

 

I shake my head, wondering if there are more cruel people in this city than not. It seems that the more people I meet, the more I dislike everything about them. This isn't how it's supposed to be, and a part of me immediately lays the blame on the faction system; without it, we could live however we want. I silently vow to do everything I can to make sure this works. Myra, in the very least, deserves to be somewhere she's loved. I stomp back up the stairs and throw the door open.  
“Enough private time,” I say. “What's the plan?”

 

We make contact with each faction and arrange a meeting for this afternoon. The train ride back is quiet as Tobias and I are each lost in our own thoughts about Evelyn and the guns and everything else. All the factions agreed to have a small amount of Dauntless escort us to Erudite as a precaution. When we arrive back at Dauntless, we finalize that last part with Will, Scarlett and Harrison.

 

* * *

 

“Stop!” a voice yells out as we approach Erudite. We hold our hands up in surrender -all of us- and wait for the voice to show itself. We hear footsteps from the buildings above, and behind us as a few Dauntless guards approach us.

 

“This isn't your faction,” the guard says. “Turn around now.”  
“This isn't your faction either,” Christina says from behind me, and I wince as the guard points his gun at her.  
“Enough!” Johanna yells, getting the attention of the guard. “We came to speak with Jeanine, _peacefully_. They are simply our escorts. Will you please let her know we are here?” The guard narrows his eyes at her, but turns to speak to another one.  
“Wait here,” he says as the other heads towards Erudite. We wait as patiently as we can with an unknown number of guns pointed at us, until we are given the go ahead.

 

As we approach the entrance, Jeanine comes out, along with a few other Erudite.  
“I hope you didn't come all this way just for me,” she says with a smile. “It's an awful waste of your time.”  
“We just want to talk,” Johanna says. “All of us, together.”  
“I don't think so. We have tried that many times before, and it does not work.” Jeanine says. “Now if you will excuse me.”

  
“Jeanine, wait,” Marcus says. “We know you have some of our people in there. If you would at least consider releasing them, we can consider making a deal with you.”  
“A deal?” she says, turning back around. “There's no deal to be made.”  
“Jeanine,” Jack says. “Max? The Dauntless? The attack plans? Yes, there is a deal to be made.” Jeanine rolls her eyes.

 

“Oh, Jack. It's all circumstantial, and you know it. Good luck proving anything in that court of yours.” Her eyes land on me, taking me in slowly. A wave of uneasiness comes over me when she smiles- it's as if she can see right through me, right into my deepest secret. As she turns, another _wait_ is called out; we all turn to Evelyn.

 

“For those of you who don't know, my name is Evelyn Eaton, although I prefer to go by my maiden name, Johnson now.” Every head turns towards Marcus when she says her name. “I am the leader of the Factionless.”  
“The Factionless have no leader,” Jeanine says. Evelyn smiles. It's all too cruel and familiar, and I shudder involuntarily.

 

“They do now. Edward!” she calls out, and a small rustling noise becomes louder as Factionless emerge from each direction. My eyes widen as I realize they're all armed. The Dauntless guards aim their guns too, but don't do anything except look around in confusion- they're surrounded and vastly outnumbered.

 

“Evelyn!” Tobias yells, turning on her. “What are you doing?  
“What I should have done a long time ago. You have forty-eight hours to sit down and comply with my demands, or this wont be the last you see of me. Or my army.” She hands a piece of paper to Marcus, and Tobias snatches it out of his hand.

 

“You do realize these are all the things Tris has been trying to accomplish, don't you? I _told_ you this, Evelyn.”  
“You think they'll listen to her?” Evelyn scoffs, “She's nothing and a nobody; she holds no power. You and I on the other hand...” she trails off, looking over to me with that sour look of hers. “You'll realize how temporary she is soon enough, and when you do, my offer will still stand. Now, I believe you all have some things to discuss.” She turns and walks away, Edward sneering at us as he joins her, giving a command to the Factionless who recede back into the shadows.

 

“This,” Jeanine says, “Is why they can never assimilate back into society. _This_ is why the vermin must be eradicated.” She turns quickly, leaving the rest of us staring at each other.  
“What now?” I ask Tobias, staring up at the building in front of me. My family is in there, somewhere.  
“We go home.”

 

* * *

 

“No, there has to be another way,” Will says.  
“My parents. Zeke. Uriah. My _brother_. Who knows how many people they have in there that are innocent. We can't just kill them all. We'd be no better than her,” I say, tears forming in my eyes.

 

Sheer force has been the discussion at hand -taking Jeanine by any means necessary- and it's the worst thing I can imagine happening. I feel responsible for every last one of them- I seem to have inadvertently kick started all of this, after all. I hold my head in my hands while Tobias rubs my back.

 

“I agree. We will not stoop to their level. We are not killing any _innocent_ people,” Tobias says through gritted teeth. “I have an idea though, but I'm going to have to do it alone.”  
“What?” I say, a wave of panic racing through me. “Four, no.”  
“Tris, please. You're going to have to trust me.” I look up into his eyes, and can see the hurt he's feeling. “She hates you, but she trusts me. I have to get in there and stop it from that end.” I don't want to agree, but I do, because I know he's right. Her hopes of having him in her life might be her only weakness.

 

“I'll go with you,” Will says, standing up. “That way you're not completely alone, and we'll take a tablet so we can stay in contact. I'll be your personal bodyguard.” Will grins and Tobias gives him a nod.  
“Better?” he asks, and I nod, giving a slight laugh. While Will's no weakling, it's amusing to think of Tobias using _him_ as a bodyguard.

 

Christina and I walk them out to the trains when it's time for them to go.

 

“Be careful, smart-ass,” Christina says to Tobias before tackling him with a hug. He stands rigid for a second before giving in and patting her on the back.  
“And make sure you keep an eye on Will for me, too,” she adds as she hugs Will. “And don't do anything stupid just because you want to look cool or macho or whatever, because if either of you do anything unnecessary, Tris and I are going to kick both of your asses-”  
“Hey, smart-mouth,” Tobias interrupts, “We get it.” She smiles, and Tobias offers her one back.

 

“Candor,” he whispers, shaking his head. He leans down to kiss me, and I let myself get lost in it. With everything that has happened, I feel like I need to hold on to every moment as tight as I can. I don't want to be afraid of it being the last, but that thought is always there in the back of my mind, fighting to make itself my priority; fighting to consume me. I pull him even closer, gripping his shirt tight in my fists. It's deep and loving and passionate, but best of all, it really doesn't feel like a goodbye.

 

“I love you,” I say through heavy breaths.  
“I love you too. I'll see you soon. Be brave, Tris.”

 

Christina puts an arm around me as the boys jump, and we watch the train until it disappears.  
“They're not going to do anything stupid are they?” she asks.  
“I hope not.”

 

* * *

 

Scarlett and Harrison ask me to stay in Dauntless, since I'm “Basically a member now,” and I'm grateful; I don't think I could go back to Abnegation alone, knowing that both my parents and Tobias are in potential danger.

 

With nothing left to do but wait, I decide to do something I should have done a long time ago- start writing my proposal. Scarlett gives me a tablet since Tobias took mine. I stop by the cafeteria to grab some food before heading to Tobias' room. I sit at his small table and open the program, creating a list of things I want to address before getting started. There's a small knock at the door.

 

“Want some company?” Christina asks, and I open the door wider for her.  
“Thank you,” I say.  
“Well, I know you're pretty comfortable here already, but I thought it still might be a little odd without Four.” I don't want to tell her that I'm more comfortable than she thinks I am, so I just nod. Besides, I'm sure she doesn't want to be alone either.

 

I sit at the table and push the tablet in front of her so she can look over what I have so far while I eat. She gives me an encouraging nod and pushes the tablet back, and I get to work.

 

She's surprisingly quiet as I type, looking over my shoulder every now and then to see which point I'm working on. She offers up a few words when I ask her, but she mostly leaves me alone. I don't know how much time has passed, but I hear a noise and look up to see her crying.

 

“Oh, it's these damn hormones,” she says when she notices me staring, and smiles. _Hormones_?  
“Christina, are you-”  
“Oh! No! I'm just PMSing!” she says, laughing. “That's not on the table yet.”  
“Oh!” I say, blushing. I'm not sure why my mind went there first.

 

“It's okay. It's just, I do miss my parents. And my little sister. If this were to happen, Tris, I could see them whenever I wanted, instead of just on visiting day. We could have Sunday dinners again. They could come to my _wedding_ ,” she says as she stares out the window. “I don't know why people thought taking those things away was a good idea in the first place.”  
“Me either,” I say softly.

 

I think about the life Tobias and I could have. I wouldn't have to become Factionless to be with him, and we wouldn't have to stay in Abnegation _or_ Dauntless. We could live in Amity if we wanted to, and work the farms. I smile as I think about having a family dinner with my parents and Tobias, and of Susan marrying Caleb. Christina lays her head down on the table and I continue on, determined to have this done tonight in case things don't go as expected with Evelyn.

 

At some point I must have laid my head down too, because I'm opening my eyes to a soft dinging.  
“Answer it, would you,” Christina says groggily as I lift my head. There's a blinking light on the tablet, and my heart jumps that it might be Tobias and Will. Christina rubs her eye, smearing her makeup as I excitedly click the message button. The message has the title WARNING on it, and my heart immediately drops.

 

A video pops up of a hallway intersection, and I see a Dauntless guard walk past. A loud _bang_ happens off screen, and I see another Dauntless run the opposite direction.

 

“Zeke!” I yell, recognizing his crazy hair. I grab Christina's arm and drag her next to me. I can hear some yelling, followed by another _bang_. My heart races as I see Zeke walk into the frame with my mother.  
“Which one?” I hear him ask, and she shakes her head.   
“He was to the left of me, but they moved him when they figured out we were communicating. He might not even be on this floor anymore.” Zeke turns in frustration and walks down the other hallway.

 

“This way!” I hear him yell, and my mother takes off after Zeke. The video changes to a different camera and a different intersection. Zeke and my mother -who seems oddly comfortable- both have their guns drawn, and are making their way towards the camera. My eyes widen when I realize what's about to happen.  
“No! Stop!” I shout, but they can't hear me. I can only look at the Six Dauntless guards that are waiting to ambush them.

 

I stare on in horror as Zeke crosses the intersection, realizing his mistake too late. The guards open fire as Zeke freezes, his body jerking as he falls to the ground. My mother turns to run, firing back over her shoulder, but it's too late and there are too many of them. My mouth hangs in a silent scream as I watch her body convulse; bullet after bullet piercing her, the ground turning red beneath her.

 

 

 


	26. Chapter 26

Christina takes the tablet and wraps her arms around me, squeezing tightly. I don't stop her, because she needs me in this moment just as much as I need her. I cry into her shoulder and can feel her occasionally shake with her own grief.

 

“I'm so sorry,” she eventually whispers, stroking my hair. The movement is comforting, but it makes me think of my mother, and I cry harder. Another ding pulls us apart.

 

“I can't,” I whisper to Christina, and she nods her head, picking up the tablet.  
“Hello! Christina! Where's Tris?” I hear Tobias' worried voice say, and I take the tablet from her.  
“Four,” I croak, another wave of tears unleashing.  
“Tris, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. I see Will move into frame, his eyes red. He gives me a sad smile and a nod.

 

“Zeke too,” I say, not really knowing how to express what I feel for him. Not knowing how to comfort Tobias -and everyone else- when I feel like this. My life, and everything I thought I knew about it, is forever changed.  
“I know,” he says quietly, closing his eyes. We're all silent. I watch Tobias through blurry eyes. When he opens them again, he takes in a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

 

“Things are going as planned here,” he says, changing the subject. “You guys just hold tight there, and this will all be over soon enough. Tris, I love you.” Those three words should fill me with all sorts of happy emotions, but I can't feel any of them. I'm numb. I just nod, and hand the tablet to Christina who says a few words to Will before hanging up.

 

“How did they know?” I ask.  
“What?”  
“They knew when we did. How?” Christina taps a few times on the tablet and nods.  
“It went out to every tablet with a Dauntless address on it.”  
“Oh.”

 

I'm not all that familiar with this, but I understand enough to know that more than a few people saw this warning. I sigh, wiping my tears and feeling my pain slowly morph into anger instead. My mother. Zeke. Who knows who else. Jeanine has crossed the line, and I have had it. I will _never_ allow her to hurt anyone ever again.

 

“Tris,” Christina says cautiously, “What are you thinking?”  
“I'm thinking...that they're not going to get away with this.”

 

* * *

 

“Tris, you can't do this,” Christina says as I change. I take the flash drive and plug it into the tablet. Christina helps me make a copy of it, before I tuck it securely into one of my pockets.  
“I don't have a choice. Erudite is obviously going to do whatever they want, and if I even have half a chance of stopping it by giving her this, then I will.”  
“What about Four? And Will? They seem like they're not having any issues.”  
“Then consider it a back-up plan. One of them is bound to work.”

 

I look at her face, and I feel like I'm looking at a stranger. The small amount of time I've spent with Christina, she's always been so happy and carefree. She's even made me feel that way from time to time. But the girl in front of me now is no longer the same, and I understand completely. Even I'm avoiding the mirror in Four's apartment; I don't think I would recognize who is staring back at me.

 

I'm not who I thought I was- Abnegation, Dauntless, or otherwise. Maybe that's why they call me divergent. I'm so much more than I ever thought I could be. _I_ am in control of my life, and that scares them more than anything else ever could.

 

 _Good_.

 

I lean over and give Christina a hug, practically having to pry myself out of her arms to leave.

 

“I only told you so at least one person would know where I was.”  
“I know,” she says quietly. “Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?”  
“No,” I say firmly. “I don't need anyone else needlessly risking their lives for this.”  
“Tris,” she whispers, but relents quickly when I look her in the eye. “Okay, okay. I get it. Just...please be careful.”  
“I will.” I give her a small smile as I leave her in Four's apartment.

 

I navigate the Dauntless compound on my own, crossing the Pit and finding the stairs that lead up to the roof. The train horn sounds and I take off -running fast and pushing hard- catching it with ease. I smile at the rush of wind and adrenaline. A part of my wishes Tobias was here to share this moment with me, but I push it back down; I have to keep a level head right now if this is going to work.

 

Before I know it, I'm jumping again, this time into Erudite. I walk cautiously, not knowing if I'll be recognized as loyal or traitor. I hide when I catch my first glimpse of a traitor Dauntless, and curse- I see a blue armband; I'll definitely be found out. She seems to be alone though, and she isn't much larger than I am...

 

I creep closer to her, keeping my eyes and ears open for anything suspicious. I pull my knife and hold my breath as I hear her footsteps coming closer and closer. I grip the knife tightly and thrust my arm out as hard as I can, hitting her square in the nose with the handle. It must have been hard enough because she isn't moving.

 

I look around quickly and pull her into a nearby building, taking her jacket and locking her in a closet. Even if she escapes or they find her, she never saw me and they won't know who they're looking for. I debate taking her gun, but throw it into a different room before I leave.

 

I walk with more confidence -after all, I belong here- and nobody questions my presence as I waltz right through the front door. I know nothing about the layout of Erudite, but spot a handful of Dauntless waiting for an elevator, and join them.

 

I keep my head down, nodding along to their conversation but keeping to myself. We crowd onto the elevator, and I hold my breath now that we're in closer quarters, praying nobody recognizes me or asks me a question. The elevator dings on the fifth floor, and I file out with them, breathing a sigh of relief.

 

I follow as they walk towards a room that looks like it could be a makeshift dorm- I can see blankets and articles of clothing strewn everywhere. I slow my pace and fall behind, turning down a hallway that looks eerily like the one my mother was killed in.

 

I walk slowly, ignoring the mountain of sorrow and guilt building up inside of me, trying to figure out my next move as I look in each room. Computers. Desks. Lab equipment. Eventually the hallways I wandered lead me to a dead end, and another elevator. I double check that nobody followed me, and press the up arrow.

 

Nothing happens.

 

I press it again, only noticing the small sliver of a hole when I run my finger back over it. “A key,” I whisper to myself. Of course. I stand there for a moment, trying to think about who would have a key and what could possibly be off limits wherever this leads, when I hear the elevator start up. My heart beats hard as I panic for a second, butI hold my head up high as I stand firmly in front of the doors. This has to be it. Why else would it be off limits to those without a key? When the doors open, I am startled by who is in front of me.

 

“Caleb?” I say, barely louder than a whisper.  
“B-Beatrice? Is that you?” I nod a small, single nod. “What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like the Dauntless? And-”  
“Caleb,” I interrupt. “Do you even know?”

  
“Do I know what?”  
“About mom? And dad?”  
“What about them?” I look around to make sure nobody else is around again when Caleb grabs my arm and pulls me into a room.

 

“There are cameras everywhere Beatrice. How did you even get in here? And what about mom and dad?”  
“Caleb, mom's dead,” I say, barely holding back my tears.  
“What? No. No, no, no. That's impossible,” he says, shaking his head. “I was assured they would be fine.”

  
“What?” I ask, my heart pounding even harder. “Caleb, did you know they were here?”  
“Of course I did.”  
“And you didn't do anything about that?” He looks at me for a moment before pulling on his lab coat and straightening up.

 

“Faction before blood, Beatrice. Something you should do to remember,” he says, looking me up and down. Seeing him like this, in his fancy lab coat and his Erudite blue, makes it impossible to keep my feelings to myself. This mountain is a volcano, and I don't bother trying to stop the eruption.

 

“You absolute bastard,” I say through gritted teeth.  
“Beatrice!”  
“Don't Beatrice me!” I yell, shoving him. “You knew and you did nothing! Mom is _dead_ Caleb!” I shove him again. And again, and again. He doesn't fight me back, but looks more devastated with each shove. “She's dead because of Erudite! Does that mean nothing to you?” I pull on his lab coat, pushing him back into a wall. I can't stop. The tears come now as I hurt him the way he hurt me.

 

How has my brother turned into everything I have come hate?

 

“Stop,” he finally says, his voice breaking. “She promised me.”  
“What?”   
“She promised me,” he mumbles again.  
“Promised? Who promised you, Caleb?”  
“Jeanine. I...I told her that you would come. Here. And Candor. I told her that you would give up the information in exchange for our parents. She promised me that nothing would happen.”

 

My head swims as what my brother said fights to make any sense. I finally let go of him with one last shove, and walk away. I place my hands on a wall, letting my head hang and breathing in and out slowly. I do my best to let the Abnegation in me handle this situation right now, because I am _terrified_ of what would happen if I let the Dauntless in me take over. I can actually feel the knife against my thigh, calling out to me. Deep breath in, slow exhale out. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

 

Caleb. Small, selfless Caleb, who always made me look inadequate during our childhood. When did he lose it, that innate ability to always do good? Maybe he never really had it, and was just a better liar than I ever was.

 

I feel sick.

 

His Erudite brain was able to rationalize this. He weighed the pros and cons of using our parents, and came to a conclusion without any thought other than getting to the end goal. It's the only way I could ever see him putting our parents in a situation like this, regardless of how much he cared. Or didn't. I don't know what to believe anymore.

 

“Where is dad?” I finally ask.  
“I don't know.”  
“Where are the other people she took?”  
“Up in her labs.”  
“Her labs? What is she doing?”  
“She's trying to take away their...divergence.”

 

I look up at Caleb, who at some point moved to stand right next to me. He reaches a hand out, gently touching my shoulder. I shrug him away, pacing to the other side of the room. If what he said is true, this changes things. I have what Jeanine asked for, but I have more than that, too.

 

“Can you take me to her?” I ask.  
“Why? Beatrice, she'll arrest you and-”  
“Caleb!” I yell, causing him to jump. “I don't care about any of that! Don't you care about what she's doing? What difference does it make if they're divergent? What does that even _mean_ , Caleb?”  
“Well, a divergent is someone who has more than one trait, thus they are unable-”  
“Caleb. I _know_ what divergent means. What I meant was why does it even matter?”

 

He is silent for a long time, and I think at one point I can actually see his thought process. They way he moves his eyes back and forth like he's reading an imaginary book. The way his fingers twitch just a little, as if he's typing on a tablet. The way his mouth slightly moves, as if he's having a conversation with nobody in particular. It would be amusing, if things were different.

 

“It keeps the peace,” he finally says, parroting what we've always been told. “It gives the people a goal and something good to strive for.”  
“Does it, though?” I ask, motioning to the room around me. “Is this peaceful, Caleb? Taking people from their faction? Doing whatever it is you're doing to them against their will? War? Killing mom?” It's this last bit I think that finally makes him break down.

 

He drops his head and I see his shoulders shake. “Mom,” he says, bringing his hands up to his face. I want to comfort him -I _should_ comfort him- but I don't. He deserves every bit of grief and guilt he feels right now. If it wasn't for him, our mother would still be alive and I wouldn't be forced with the decision I know I have to make right now.

 

“Caleb,” I say softly. “Where is Jeanine?”  
“In her lab.”  
“Can you take me there?” He looks at me for a moment, and nods his head.  
“Only,” he adds, “If you tell me what you're planning on doing.”

 

A quick thought tells me I'm probably going to need his help. In the very least, I need to make him understand. I sigh and take a look around the room. I don't notice any cameras, but I ask anyways.  
“No, they're mostly in the hallways and the labs,” Caleb answers.  
“Okay,” I say, “But you have to promise you'll do exactly what I say.”

 

Caleb pulls a long flat stick out of his pocket and slides it into the button for the elevator. It lights up when he presses the button, and the doors open immediately. I take a deep breath and walk in, Caleb right behind me. He presses the button with a three on it, and the elevator takes me up to Jeanine.

 

When the door opens, I'm a little overwhelmed. Every square inch is stainless steel or glass. The walls, the floors, all of it. We walk together, Caleb taking my arm firmly like I instructed. I pass a few glass walls and see some Erudite in full protective gear, looking up as we walk by, chemicals and beakers and tablets in hand.   
  


We get to the end of the hallway, and I have to stop myself from wrenching out of my brothers grasp and running into the room in front of me. There is someone strapped to a table, and Jeanine is standing over him, watching as some of her Erudite lackeys poke and prod into a part of his exposed brain. I struggle just enough to be convincing, and catch Jeanine's attention.

 

“Caleb,” she says as she walks out of the room. “What is going on here?”  
“Found her snooping around. Not too sure how she got in here,” he says, tugging at the blue armband on my jacket, “But she said she has what you asked for.”

  
“Beatrice, is this true?”  
“Yes. And you can have it on one condition.”  
“And what is that?” she asks, raising an eyebrow.  
“You let everyone else go.” She looks to my brother, who simply shrugs, playing his part well.

 

“I fail to see the benefit of your deal,” she finally says. “I get what is rightfully mine, but lose what is also mine. No. Caleb, take her to a holding cell.”  
“Wait!” I shout as Caleb tries to pull me down the hallway. “I have something else you want.”  
“What could you _possibly_ have that I want?” she sneers.  
“My divergence.”

 

 

 

 


	27. Chapter 27

 

I convinced Jeanine to allow Johanna to come with the trucks from Amity. She agreed, but insisted it was kept a secret that I was here. I too agreed. She initiated the call, so from the outside, it looks as though she's starting to give up. My divergence alone was enough to make the deal. Jeanine was too enamored with the idea of someone having not two, but three aptitudes. Especially my three. She couldn't refuse.

 

I've never seen anything like it, that rabid desire for knowledge. The way her eyes lit up, maniacal almost, makes me wonder if I could ever look like that. It's a terrifying thought.

 

I climb into the chair after verifying that everyone else, including the boy with the exposed brain, were safely let go. My father was also part of the deal. She has no use for him anyway, considering she has me and the information now. The knowledge that at least one of my family members is safe is enough to keep me here, making deals.

 

The room is cold, and the pieces of bare skin that touch the even colder metal chair prickle with goosebumps. I take a deep breath as I look at Caleb, who gives me a quick nod as he fastens my arms into restraints.

 

Jeanine pulls a new syringe from a cupboard and fills it with an orange liquid. She doesn't say a word to me as she and Caleb hook electrodes to my head. Her eyes are wild and alert as she leans over me, injecting the serum into my neck.

 

I close my eyes as I feel heat travel throughout my body. When I open them, I see Jeanine and Caleb just as they were, and I wonder what the serum is supposed to do.

 

“I don't-” I start, but stop abruptly when Tobias walks in the room. He pulls a gun, shooting both my brother and Jeanine in the head. I stare up at him, in total shock. How did he know where to find me? He scoops me into his arms, and as we walk down the hallway, I see bodies -dead bodies- littering the hallway.

 

“Tobias, did you... _kill_ them?”  
“I had to.”  
“But..I don't understand.”

 

We go down hallway after hallway, stepping over body after body, Erudite and Dauntless alike. There are so many. How could Tobias do this all on his own, and just to save me? A part of me doesn't doubt that he would do whatever it takes to rescue me, but I remember the look on his face. I remember the words that he said. He didn't want to do _this_. He didn't want to hurt anyone who was...

 

“All of these people couldn't have known. Some of them had to be... _innocent_ ,” I say. He makes a face and brushes the comment off like what I said doesn't matter. But it does. The Tobias I know would never do this, would never kill my brother, even to save me.  
“Tobias,” I say, “This isn't you.”

 

I open my eyes and see Jeanine and Caleb looking down at me.  
“How did you do that?” she asks.  
“Do what?”  
“Pull yourself from the simulation like that?” I stare at her, unsure how to answer her question. I didn't do anything.

 

“This is the fear serum that the Dauntless use. I needed to see your greatest fears before I could proceed, but your reaction to it...” She opens her mouth to say something, but closes it, and shakes her head. This is not the ruthless, cold, calculating Jeanine I've always seen. This Jeanine is...stumped. I let out a small smile.

 

“Some divergents can manipulate the simulation, cause it to work in their favor, but you,” she points at me, “You didn't just manipulate, you stopped it completely. How? I need you to tell me this instant.”  
“I don't know,” I say, and it's the truth. I know nothing about manipulations and fear serums and how I'm supposed to react.

 

Jeanine paces back and forth for a few moments before taking the orange serum out again. A memory of Christina and moths floats to the front of my mind as she fills the syringe. She pushes a few buttons on her computer before injecting me once more.

 

I open my eyes to see Tobias staring down at me.  
“Hey sleepyhead,” he says, leaning down to kiss me. “You were talking in your sleep again.” I look around the room -my room- and smile.  
“Sorry.” I say. “What time is it?”  
“Early,” he says, kissing me again. I kiss him back, running my hands up his back and through his hair. He reaches down, running a hand up my leg, pushing my skirt up.

 

“Tobias,” I whisper, kissing him back with more passion this time. He grabs each of my hands, and slowly drags them up until they are resting above my head. He grips both of my wrists tightly with one of his hands, while trailing the other back down my body. At first I like it, they way he's holding onto me, teasing me, but when I try to pull a hand out, he holds on tighter.

 

“Tobias,” I say. You're hurting me.” I try to pull away again, but he holds on firm, his fingers digging into my wrists. I writhe and try to push his face away with my own, freezing when I feel his other hand on me, clawing at my underwear.

 

“No,” I say, struggling against him. “Tobias, what are you doing?”  
“Fucking you,” he says, and I freeze. I don't know why it took me so long.  
“Nice try,” I say out loud, and I open my eyes to see a frazzled Jeanine and and embarrassed Caleb looking down at me.

 

“How!” she yells, and I roll my eyes. She types away furiously on a tablet, and I see my hallucination appear on the screens all around the room. She keeps replaying the scene, over and over again, looking for an answer.

 

“You really want to know?” I yell back, embarrassed and frustrated with having to relive _that_ particular moment, “It's because all you see is a faction, instead of a person!” I set my jaw as I stare at the ceiling; for being so smart, Jeanine is incredibly stupid.  
“What do you mean?” she says, grabbing my face and turning me towards her. “What do you mean!”

 

“People cannot be just one thing. They _shouldn't_ be,” I spit. “ _You_ are the abomination, not me.” She lets go, shoving my face away from her hard.  
“Prep her,” she says to Caleb. “I want to see what makes her tick.” Caleb pales instantly, but I look at him, willing him to do what I asked. He nods his head as he starts to undo my restraints.

 

“Wait,” Jeanine says, pulling a yellow serum out. She only puts a small amount in the syringe, and I struggle against the remaining restraint as she injects me with it. I instantly feel calm and carefree. I smile at Caleb, who is touching my wrist.  
“You look like you want to puke,” I say. “Did dad make dinner again?” Caleb gives a half smile and takes my hand.  
“Come on, Beatrice. Let's get you ready.”

 

I walk down the hallway, squinting at my reflection. “Why can I see myself in everything here?” I ask. “And why does it look weird? Look, my head is all big. It doesn't really look like that, does it Caleb?”  
“No, Beatrice. Come on, in here,” he says, tugging on my arm to guide me into a room with a chair. He pushes me into it, and I laugh when it makes as noise as I sit.

 

“I'm just going to buckle you in, so it's easier,” he says calmly, and I nod. I hear some noises behind me, and then something that sounds like...bees?  
“What's that?” I ask.  
“Just going to fix your hair,” he says.  
“Okay,” I say, giggling at the way my head vibrates when he touches it.

 

* * *

 

I open my eyes and instantly regret it. I close them again quickly, rubbing because they burn. After a few minutes I test it out again, and realize where I am. I sigh, rolling over onto my side and taking in my surroundings. I'm in a white room, no bigger than eight feet by eight feet. There's a single dim white light above me, and a door with a window that's too high for me to look out of. I get up and knock on the door, hoping to get a response.

 

When nothing happens, I pace back and forth, with nothing really to do. The room is completely empty except for the cot I was laying on. I run my hand through my hair and freeze. I do it again, to make sure it wasn't my imagination, but there it is again- bare skin.

 

I put both hands up, feeling everywhere before vaguely remembering Jeanine telling Caleb to prep me, which must consist of shaving a portion of my head. I remember the boy whose brain was exposed when I got here and shudder, but Caleb is doing what I told him, and hopefully it's enough to buy me some time and think of a way out of here.

 

The door clicks and I spin around, holding my hands up to defend myself if necessary. A tall man dressed in Dauntless black walks in. My face contorts as I look at all of his piercings, wondering what exactly the point of all that is. In a faction where they hit each other -often- how is that practical?

 

“So,” he says, leaning up against the wall, “You're the girl who broke into Dauntless.” His eyes skim me up and down, and I involuntarily shudder. I don't say anything -I just watch- trying to look for any chance I might have at escaping, but I'm distracted by the lurching sensation I feel as he licks his lower lip. His dead eyes, the way his grin creeps over his crooked teeth, the immeasurable amount of holes in his face- it all makes me hyper-aware of everything now.

 

“You'd make a fine addition. To Dauntless, that is. When all of this is through, I can arrange that for you.”  
“No thanks,” I say. If this goes wrong, I know that the last place I want to be is anywhere near this guy.  
“Well, we'll see about that.”  
He stands up straight and walks over to me. I do my best to stay calm, but I'm cornered and completely vulnerable.

 

“Names Eric,” he says as he bends over me. “You'd do well to remember that.” He breathes heavily on me for a few moments; I let out the breath I was holding when he turns away, knocking on the door to indicate he's done. He turns in the doorway just before he leaves and gives me a smile that somehow makes me feel even dirtier.  
“I'm going to have so much fun with you,” he says. I slide down the wall as he closes the door.

 

I don't know how much time passes, but I sleep as much as I can. I need to be rested if I'm going to be of any use. Occasionally I hear voices and footsteps outside the door, but it's mostly just silence, which leaves me to my own mind. I think about Tobias and Will and hope that Evelyn hasn't killed either one of them. I also worry about Christina, and the the Four side of Tobias she undoubtably got when she told him I was here. _If_ she told him.

 

This time, the footsteps I hear result in the door opening, and a plate being brought in by a familiar face. He holds it out to me, and I hesitate for just a second.  
“Oh will you just take it. I'm not going to hurt you.” I lean forward and take the plate. I sit on my cot and eat, not realizing how hungry I actually was until I took my first bite.

 

“It's Peter, right?” I ask around a mouthful of food.  
“That's me,” he says, tossing a juice box up and catching it. I watch him do this a few times before he notices and hands it to me.  
“Thank you,” I say, sucking down the juice just as fast as I ate the sandwich.

 

“So you...this little stiff girl, is responsible for all of this?” he says, waving his hand around.  
“Is that so hard to imagine?”  
“Not really,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. I hand him back my empty plate, but he doesn't take it, and he doesn't leave. I set it down on the floor instead.

 

“Why are you still here?” I ask.  
“I've been assigned here. It's my job to make sure that you don't do anything stupid.”  
“What exactly do they think I am going to do in here?”  
“I don't know. But you did break into Dauntless, so I guess anything's possible.” I can't help it, but I smile.

 

I lay down again, staring at the ceiling while Peter paces back and forth near the door. It makes it hard to concentrate, and I wish he would just leave when it dawns on me- he's not here to watch me, he's here to distract me. They're worried I might be able to find my way out of here just like I found my way in. I never really thought about the Erudite part of me, but it must be good enough to have them be this cautious.

 

“You know they're just using you, right?” I say.  
“Using _me_? I don't think so,” he says with a chuckle.  
“Of course they are. When Erudite is done with Abnegation, they'll move on. Probably Candor next, followed by the Factionless. Amity is only useful because they grow the food, and Dauntless is only useful _now_ because you know how to use the weapons. When she's done with everything else, she'll find a way to get rid of you too.” Peter stops, looking lost in thought for a moment.  
“Shut up,” is all he replies with, and I smile.

 

Eventually there is another knock on the door, and Peter is pulled out. I hear someone talking to him, before he comes back in.  
“Time to go.” My heart thumps wildly in my chest as I stand, holding my head high. Peter wraps his hand around my arm, squeezing tightly as he leads me back to Jeanine. I don't struggle against the inevitable. When I enter the room, my brother, as well as a few other Erudite are all standing there, pens and clipboards in hand.

 

“Slight change of plans,” Jeanine says as she enters the room, looking at me and motioning towards Peter. He pushes me forward and I sit in the cold metal chair again as he straps me down. Jeanine watches, a smug smile crossing her face as she pulls a red serum out of a cupboard. I've learned that orange is the fear serum for Dauntless, and yellow has to be the peace serum for Amity, but I have no idea what red could mean.

 

“This,” she says to the group, “Is the undiluted fear serum that Dauntless uses. When diluted, it allows for the brain to bring forth the subjects greatest fears. When coupled with the program, subjects are able to navigate their way through their fears at their own pace. Undiluted, however, allows for no such navigation.”

 

She fills a syringe with what feels like way too much serum for a single person. Her face goes slack when the others can't see her, but she still has a wild look in her eyes. She leans down and whispers in my ear, “Let's see you get out of this one, divergent.”

 

The pain is instantaneous.

 

It burns -no- it _sears_ through my veins, and I scream out in agony. Image after image floods my brain, each one more horrifying than the last; my brother, a wicked smile on his face, operating on me while I am awake; Tobias sitting in a chair, lifeless, as Jeanine pulls bits and pieces of his brain out; my mother and Zeke being shot over and over and over again as they cry out that it's all my fault and they'll never forgive me.

 

I scream and scream until my voice gives out. No matter how hard I try, I keep watching the people I care about do awful, horrifying things, or I watch them be harmed or killed over and over again. I try to remain calm, but the serum won't let me.

 

 _The serum_.

 

How do I know that I was injected? A thought crosses my mind -a memory, really- that Jeanine said I wouldn't be aware, yet I am. How? I concentrate, willing the images to stop or to change, but they don't. Even though these are the most horrific things I have ever seen, I am no longer scared. I know it's not real.

 

I'm abruptly aware of everyone staring at me, and I realize that I'm no longer under the serums influence. My muscles ache and my throat is raw, but pleasure still runs through me at the sight of Jeanine's face.

 

“You!” she shrieks. “You're not supposed to do that!” He hair is wild now, let loose from it's bun as she shakes her head. She slams her fist down on the table next to me, turning to what I can only assume are students who are furiously scribbling things down. All except my brother. His eyes are wide as he stares at me. I nod once in his direction, and he seems to snap out of it.

 

“Again,” he says, stepping forward. He adjusts some things on the computer, and motions for Jeanine to look. I keep my eyes on him as she takes out even more serum, and plunges the syringe into my neck.

 

 

 


	28. Chapter 28

My body aches and my voice is all but gone. Last night, some of the worst dreams I have ever had kept me from sleeping, and it has to show. In between nightmares and screams and tears, I tried my best to think of a way out of this room. There is none. I have to think of another way. I have to focus on something else.

 

The serum.

 

I don't know why someone would want to develop something so horrible. What good does it do? Knowing that I am afraid of losing the people that I love is one thing, but to experience it in the worst ways possible? It's sickening. And the fact that Jeanine takes pleasure in watching me live out my worst nightmares right in front of her says volumes for her character.

 

Still, I was able to fight it.

 

With everything that has happened, this is my one victory. A small smile creeps onto my face, vanishing just as fast when my thoughts are replaced by my mother. I shake my head. I can't think about that now. The serum. Focus on the serum. Why can _I_ fight it?

 

I don't know. But I am ready. I will fight.

 

 

* * *

 

 

At some point Peter brings me another sandwich, this time the smug look on his face gone. I want to ask him if he truly knows what's going on, how he could possibly side with _her_ , but I can't find the energy. I'm not sure if I would even be able to produce any sound.

 

I lay down afterwards, unable to keep my eyes open any longer. Again, the images of the fear serum invade my dreams, and I wake with a guttural cry, flinching when I see Peter hovering over me.  
“It's just a dream,” he says, and I nod.

 

It's odd to see this side of a person you don't really know. You think you have it all figured out, what makes a person who they are. But in the moments when it really counts, they'll always reveal the parts of them they want to hide the most. There's no arguing that Peter is a traitor and a coward, but deep down, he doesn't like to see me like this. He doesn't even know me. I wonder if it brings up horrible memories of his own.

 

“I know,” I manage to croak out. He hands me a small cup with a thick white liquid in it. At this point, I don't even question it, I just drink. My throat instantly feels relieved of the burning sensation I had become accustomed to.

 

“Thank you,” I say, my voice closer to normal. His face goes from soft to hard as he takes the cup from me, and he pulls back, standing against the wall near the door as he always does. We do this same dance three more times before there's a knock on the door, and he's pulling me off the cot.

 

He holds on to my arm -gently this time- as we slowly walk down the hall. Things seem different, or at least I think they do. People seem to be scurrying by more flustered than usual, and when I sit in the metal chair again, I can begin to guess why. Both Jeanine and my brother have dark circles under their eyes. Caleb offers me a soft smile, but Jeanine just glares before letting out an unhinged sort of laugh.

 

“You made me look a fool yesterday!” she starts. “I'm not wrong. I'm never wrong, but _you_ , you made me look like a liar! Like an uneducated moron in front of my top students! I'm going to take _such_ pleasure in this, Beatrice. More than I think you'll ever begin to know.” She reaches over to a tray, taking a yellow syringe and stabbing me with it.

 

I feel it course through my veins.

 

I can beat this serum. I had no idea I could manipulate _anything_ before yesterday, but simply telling myself to not let it affect me is all it takes. I let out a giggle to not give anything away, but catch Caleb's eye when Jeanine turns her back. I widen my own to let him know I'm not under it's influence, before letting my face relax and giving another giggle. Caleb watches apprehensively as Jeanine wheels over a tray filled with medical instruments. She hands him a pair of gloves and a lab coat, before putting the same things on herself.

 

“Here,” she says, pointing towards my head. “Angle her slightly and strap her head down so she cannot move it.”  
“Aren't we going to sedate her?” Caleb asks.  
“No. I need to watch her brain in action, and I need her awake and aware to do so.” Caleb hesitates for a second before loosening my restraints and turning me slightly.

 

Jeanine is busy with her computer as Caleb drapes a sheet over me, hiding the fact that he didn't tighten my restraints. He looks me in the eye and moves his own quickly down. My eyes follow- he flashes me the knife he has in his lab coat pocket.  
My eyes snap back up to his as he says, “She's ready.” I soften my face again, and mumble something unintelligible before laughing.

 

“This damn serum,” she says as she looks me over. “You never know just how much to give.” I wait patiently as she fiddles around with some things on the tray. Caleb comes up and stands next to my hand; I move as slow as I can, pulling my hand out of the loosened restraint. It makes a noise and Caleb quickly coughs, bumping the table and allowing me to slip out quickly.

 

“Sorry,” he says quickly as Jeanine turns around. “Throats a little dry.”  
“Go get some water, then,” she says. He turns and leaves the room, coming back what feels like seconds later. “Better?” she asks, oddly calm compared to how she was minutes ago. Caleb nods. She readies a camera above me, and types some things on her computer before nodding to Caleb.

 

She picks up something off the tray which seems entirely too loud when it's turned on. The saw. I panic for just a moment as it buzzes loudly. Sure, my hand is free, but I can't see exactly where Jeanine is and I'm still mostly tied down. The machine gets louder, and I can feel the air begin to move the closer she gets. I have to make a move if I'm going to stop her from cutting me open and digging into my brain.

 

Caleb takes one step closer to my hand and I move, reaching out to his pocket. It's now or never. He makes an odd movement though and spins quickly, turning his back to the table. I freeze.

 

“Do you hear that?” he asks, and Jeanine stops, turning off the machine. I let out a sigh, but it goes unnoticed due to the noise going on outside- Jeanine and Caleb quickly head to the only window in the room. I hold completely still trying to work out what's going on.  
“Call Max,” she barks out, and Caleb nods. He picks up something from the desk in the corner, and I hear a beep.

 

“Yes?” I hear a male voice say. Max.  
“What is going on?” Jeanine yells over her shoulder as Caleb walks back towards her.  
“Not sure. Looks like Evelyn and her Factionless have shown up.”  
“God damn her!” Jeanine yells, pulling off a glove. She takes the device from Caleb and holds it to her mouth. “What do you _mean_ you're not sure. I did not go through all of this for you to be _not sure_.”

 

Caleb clears his throat and speaks. “It almost looks like every single person in the city is here. And if my eyes are right, I can see that boy, Four, I think is his name. Standing right next to her up front.” Jeanine leans forward, pressing her head against the glass.  
“Yes,” she says. Caleb turns his head ever so slightly so he can see me.  
“What are you going to do about it?” he asks nonchalantly.  
“What I always planned, Caleb. Eradicate the vermin.”

 

My breath hitches in my throat as my mind races. _Eradicate_? If Caleb is right, there are _way_ more of them than traitor Dauntless. I immediately think of serums and weapons and everything else that could take out a large amount of people, but come up blank. To my knowledge, there's no known serum that can be used in this situation, and the Factionless have guns and more bodies. I'm broken out of my thoughts by a loud beep.

 

“Four is here, as well as some of the rebel Dauntless.”  
“I can see that!” Jeanine snaps back. “What are you waiting for? Kill them!” There is a long silence, and I hold my breath in anticipation of gunfire, but none comes.

 

“With all due respect, we are greatly outnumbered,” Max says, and she throws the device. I flinch as it shatters against the wall.  
“No brains, none of them,” she mutters as she takes off her lab coat and storms out the door.

 

“Now!” I whisper to Caleb, who runs over, throwing the sheet off of me. I free my other arm and take the knife from him as he undoes my legs, and we both creep to the door. “Follow me.” I peer out- the hall is empty.

 

“Where would she go?” I ask. He shrugs.  
“Probably her office.”  
“Take me there,” I say, hiding the knife in my waistband. I slouch down and Caleb takes my arm, leading me down the hallway. We pass a few Erudite and Dauntless, but none of them give us a second glance, that is, until we come across Peter.

 

“What are you doing?” he asks as he passes by.  
“I'm escorting her-” Caleb starts, but Peter interrupts.  
“I'm not an idiot. What are you two doing?”

 

This is probably going to be the only chance I have at stopping this, and saving myself. I'm not going to let someone like Peter stop me.

  
“I'm going to arrest Jeanine,” I say, pulling the knife as I face him. It's a bold move, considering he's had plenty more training than I have, but it's my only play. “Are you going to stop me?” I hold my head high, mustering every ounce of courage I have. Peter looks me up and down, a crooked grin on his face. I hold onto the knife tighter, preparing myself to thrust it out when he shakes his head.

 

“No. It's clear to me she's on the losing side of things now, and I have no interest in staying on the losing side.”  
I wonder how someone like this could possibly be cut out for Dauntless. Cowardice is the one thing they don't tolerate, and Peter is nothing but. Still, I might be able use it to my advantage.  
“Fine,” I say, “But you'll do exactly as I say.”

 

Peter acts as an escort, shuffling us through the hallways and down two floors until we're in front of an office door. I look around. I don't know why, but I expected there to be something more to this than just walking up and opening a door. I give Caleb a look, and he must understand.

 

“Security measures aren't activated,” he whispers, pointing up. I look, but see nothing. I put my ear against the door and hear silence. I try the handle, finding it unlocked, and ease it open. There's just another room here. I raise my eyebrows at Caleb again, but he nods his head in reassurance and I walk in.

 

This time I can see the security measures. The walls here look different, shimmery, almost like they can disappear, and there are small holes placed all throughout them. I wonder briefly what's supposed to come out of them when I hear a loud bang and a curse. My eyes fly to a second door across the room and I walk there quickly, Peter and Caleb right behind me.

 

This time when I put my ear against the door I hear movement, and nod to the two of them. I hold my fingers out, counting down from three, and throw the door open.

 

Peter raises his gun and enters the room first- I follow behind with my knife drawn. Jeanine doesn't even notice us as she's shuffling papers into a safe in the wall. I clear my throat and raise an eyebrow when she finally looks up.

 

She moves quickly, lunging for a gun that's sitting on her desk, partially obscured by whatever she's trying to hide. I don't even think as I let my knife go; it flies through the air in an instant, burying itself to the hilt in her shoulder. She screams out in pain, slumping down to the ground behind her desk.

 

I knock the gun further away from where she is as I walk past. Caleb and I pull her up while Peter pulls her arms behind her. She screams again as he binds her hands.

 

“Beatrice! Let me explain, please!”  
“Save it,” I say, gritting my teeth and pulling my knife out of her shoulder, “For Candor.” She lets out another cry, and I try to not take pleasure in her pain. I don't want to be anything like this woman in front of me. I rip a strip off the bottom of my shirt, tying it around Jeanine's shoulder tightly before ripping another off, and tying it around her mouth.

 

Peter holds his gun to her head as we make our way through the building. _If I can just bring her outside_ , _I can stop this now_. We're given odd looks from the panicked Erudite we pass, but nobody dares to say anything to us. Guns and knives and blood tend to do that to a person. I'm sure the wild look I have doesn't make me seem approachable either.

 

The traitor Dauntless must all be wherever Max is, and I breathe a sigh of relief when we reach the lobby without incident. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take. Eric and another man are standing at the doors, talking to each other, and I curse as we pull back, hiding behind some desks.

 

“Is that Max?” I ask, and Peter nods. “What do we do? Is there another way out?”  
“Yes, but we have to go back through the building and exit through the kitchen,” Caleb answers. “It'll take at least ten minutes, plus circling back around the building. And who knows what's going on out there, since there aren't any Dauntless here in the lobby. Chances are they're outside and-”  
“Okay!” Peter and I both say.

 

“We get it,” I say, placating my brother. “Our only choice is to go forward. Do you think they're going be a problem if we have a gun to her head?” I ask Peter.  
“Probably,” he says. “They're not going to just give up. Right now they're just biding their time until they can come up with something to save their asses. This would be a good start.” He motions to Jeanine.  
“Yeah, well, Evelyn probably won't wait that long.”

 

I bite my lip as I think, and shift my focus out the doors. I can see Tobias, pacing a small line next to Evelyn. He keeps looking between a certain area and his mother, and I think he must have a plan in place.

 

“We need to wait,” I say, and get puzzled looks from everyone, including Jeanine. “Four has a plan,” I say, tipping my chin towards the door. We decide to go back up a floor, and find a vantage point in the library. I hate sitting by, watching, waiting, but I'm not left with much of a choice.

 

Caleb leads us towards the windows that overlook the courtyard in front of Erudite; they open just a few inches at the bottom, and he does so, allowing us to hear what's going on outside.

 

“Your time is up, Jeanine!” Evelyn yells as Tobias paces. “It's now or never! This is your last chance to come forward with the others and accept us!” The Factionless cheer, and I notice some of them are holding up large sheets with an empty circle painted on them. My eyes scan to the back of the crowd where Tobias keeps looking, and I finally spot what he's been looking at; Edward is standing on the steps of an adjacent building, and Will is not far from him.

 

“Would you ever have considered it?” I say, looking at Jeanine's reflection in the window. She shakes her head no, a disgusted look on her face. It wouldn't have mattered, not really anyways, considering she was in the minority.

 

“You know, I wasn't wrong,” I say, thinking out loud. “When I said all the problems seemed to stem from Erudite. Look where we're at now. Look at everything you've caused. Is this really what you wanted?” She doesn't answer. I make eye contact with my brother, who just shifts uneasily. I sigh and hang my head for a minute before I hear her muffled attempts at speaking. I nod at Peter, who removes the gag.

 

“Would you have cared if you didn't meet _him_?” she asks snidely. “Oh, I know all about your little love affair with the Factionless boy.” The thought that I'm only doing this for Tobias, infuriates me. It might have started out that way, but it has become so much more than that. I would do this for anyone.

 

“Yes!” I yell, whipping around to face her. “Unlike you, I know what it's like out there, and I know it's nothing that those people deserve. Just because they're too old to navigate Dauntless, or because their mind isn't sharp enough to be useful here doesn't mean that they aren't worth anything!” I look at Caleb and Peter. Neither one looks at me, but they both seem to be nodding along without realizing it. “And just because _I'm_ different, doesn't make me a threat.” A loud commotion draws my attention back to the window, and my heart drops.

 

A large portion of the Factionless now have their guns raised, aimed at the entrance to Erudite. I shake my head, watching Evelyn laugh, her arms thrown wide as the rest cheer. I almost don't believe my eyes. We didn't stop Erudite from murdering Abnegation just so the Factionless could take their place. The crowd grows louder, fists pumping, voices screaming, guns pointing. This can't be the plan. Tobias must have failed.

 

My eyes drift over to where he stands. His fists are clenched and his eyes dart back and forth as he watches Evelyn. He looks over his shoulder once, and my eyes immediately fly to Will, who gives a nod. Before I can even begin to guess what might happen, Will pulls a gun and aims it at Edwards head, killing him instantly.  
“No!” I shout as the crowd turns it attention backwards. I drag my eyes back over to Tobias, dreading what waits for me.

 

He is staring at Evelyn. Her face is blank now, the pride and joy she was exuding over her victory gone. My heart races because I know what comes next, and I am powerless to stop it. Tobias pulls his gun, aims it at Evelyn's head, and pulls the trigger.

 

 

 


	29. Chapter 29

Every nightmare, every fear I've ever experienced, none of it compares to what I feel as I look at Tobias' face.

 

_He just killed his mother._

 

Guilt soon takes over. I shouldn't have let him go alone. I shouldn't have put him in that position. He should have never had to make that choice. I shouldn't be afraid. Tobias is _not_ a murderer. This was not a childhood retribution; this was a last resort. A single scream snaps me out of my thoughts.

 

“Four!” I shout. My hands beat on the window, desperate to let him know I'm here, and that I'm sorry. _I'm sorry_.

 

He can't hear me over the crowd. I sit here, helpless, watching as the crowd roams about, confused. In the very least, a few of them have lowered their weapons. I notice it's starting to dissipate around the edges as word travels that both Evelyn and Edward are dead. Most of the Factionless hold their positions though, keeping their guns trained on the entrance to Erudite. And Tobias.

 

“Enough!” Tobias shouts from the steps, and the Factionless fall silent. “According to the order dictated by Evelyn Johnson, I am now the leader of the Factionless, and I order you to stand down!” Mutters start as they look to one another, but nobody moves. “Now!” Tobias yells with such force that even I jump, and they immediately lower their weapons.

 

“You have been led here under false pretenses,” he calls out, addressing everyone at once. Will has made his way through the crowd. At some point he must have grabbed one of the sheets the Factionless were holding up. He gives Tobias a sad smile as he drapes it over Evelyn's body, before turning and pulling a tablet out of a backpack. Tobias takes it and taps it a few times, and I see him take one last look at his mother before looking out to the crowd.

 

“I was newly Factionless when I met a wonderful woman from Abnegation,” he starts, and I feel my heart give a little jump. “At the time, she was just completing her initiation, but eventually she became their Ambassador. Beatrice Prior had already begun the process of writing a proposition to make a change for you -all of you- for the better.

 

“She wanted to include you, to put you back where you belong; in a home, in a faction, with your families. I let Evelyn know this information, many times, but she refused to listen to me. She was too full of anger and rage at the life she was forced to lead-” he falters a bit on his words, and Will reaches out, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. I would be lying if I said I didn't wish it was me there next to him, but I'm glad he at least has someone.

 

“And for that reason alone, Evelyn was too blind to see anything other than that rage. I am here now to tell you, that as the new leader of the Factionless, I will never lie to you, I will never deceive you, and I will do everything in my power to come to a peaceful agreement with the current leaders to make this proposition a reality,” he says, holding the tablet up for everyone to see.

 

The crowd doesn't cheer like you would expect them to, but they do give Tobias their undivided attention as he looks down and begins reading the proposition I wrote out loud for everyone to hear.

 

My heart beats wildly as I see them nodding along -even some of the Dauntless- and giving small cheers here and there. More and more people make their way through the crowd, and I can't help but smile at the faces of my new friends, standing beside Tobias and giving him the support he needs to get through this; I know there wasn't much love lost between him and Evelyn, but she was still his mother.

 

“Come on,” I say, standing up when I see Jack Kang make his way through the crowd. He glances down at where Evelyn is covered, but he doesn't react. Instead he waits patiently as he listens to my proposal. As I take one last look over the crowd, it hits me.

 

This is it. It's _over_.

 

With Jeanine in custody, even if we don't get Max and Eric now, it's only a matter of time. They can't hide forever, and I doubt that their faction would welcome them back with open arms.

 

We are careful as we make our way down the stairs, keeping an eye out for the two of them, but the lobby is empty.

 

“Probably left,” Peter says as he looks around. “I would have.”  
“You still can, if you want,” I say to him. I don't know why I'm offering him the chance.  
“No,” he says, and I nod.

 

Is it possible he's changed his ways? I don't know him well enough to guess either way, but if he's willing to take responsibility for his actions, I can at least respect that. I take Jeanine's arm with Caleb while Peter keeps his gun pressed to her back.

 

Just as we push the doors open, the crowd cheers. Tobias stands with his arms at his side, looking down at Evelyn's lifeless form just a few steps below him. It's kind of fitting, in a morbid sort of way, that the sheet that covers her is decorated with an empty circle, the symbol for the Factionless, I realize.

 

Both were a vessel for change, but only one seemed to understand what that truly meant. The circle will always be remembered for what it symbolizes, while Evelyn will eventually fade from memory, her anger and refusal to cooperate outweighing any good she ever did.

 

Will pats Tobias on the shoulder and motions towards me. I run, wrapping my arms around him just as he turns.  
“Tris!” he says, holding on to me so tight it's almost impossible to breathe. “Are you hurt? What happened? Why did you leave? I'm so _mad_ at you,” he says, pulling away and taking my face in his hands. “I've been worried sick-” he stops, noticing my hair. He runs a hand over it quickly, worry filling his eyes. “Tris?”  
“I'm fine,” I say, leaning into him. “I promise.”

 

“Miss Prior,” I hear Jack say, and I pull away, fighting the tears I know are coming. “Thank you for bringing me Ms. Matthews. I wish I could say that it would be preferable to meet under different circumstances, but being Candor, well...” His smile is sly, and it only causes Jeanine to turn even redder than she already was.

 

“I read this last night,” he says, motioning to the tablet Tobias holds. I look over to Christina and see her smiling just a little bit as she pretends to have nothing to do with it. “I have to say, I'm impressed. Johanna too. After I finish up with all of...this, well, it's going to be the very first thing I give my attention to.”  
“Thank you, Jack,” I say.

 

“Well, now, don't go thanking me just yet.” He looks down for a moment at Evelyn, and my heart thumps hard. “There is the, ahh, _matter_ of what just happened here to discuss still.” I look up to Tobias, who gives a single, stern nod.  
“No need to discuss anything. Will and I already knew what the stakes were, and we will come with no opposition. Tris,” he says firmly, stopping me before I even have a chance to speak, “This is not up for discussion.”

 

I nod, not bothering to hold back the tears at this point, and wrap my arms around him again. He holds me tightly, and I can see Will and Christina doing the same thing out of the corner of my eye.

 

“I love you,” I say.

“I love you too, _stiff_.” I give him a wet laugh and a shove, but he smiles down at me with nothing but love in his eyes.

 

Jack places the two of them in handcuffs, and I watch as they are led to a car along with Jeanine. Somehow, the sight doesn't seem fair.

 

“I knew they were going to do something stupid,” I hear Christina say, her voice thick with emotion.

“Yeah,” I say. “Stupid, but necessary. Two deaths to stop countless others? Jack will understand.” Christina takes my hand, squeezing it tightly.

 

Please understand, Jack. _Please_.  
  


“So who's their leader now?” she asks, looking out into the crowd as she wipes her eyes. I see their faces, some of them familiar, and they all seem to look to me. _Tobias_ , I think. _He's the real change they need_. Whether it's because they know I'm Abnegation, the Ambassador Tobias was talking about, or because I started all of this, they look up to me now. They need guidance. I'm not their leader, but I _am_ responsible for what happens now.

 

“Factionless,” I call out, “You have no leader here with you now, but you don't need one, because I trust you.” Those that are closest to me start to smile. “I trust you to make your own judgements, I trust you to keep things running as they always have, and I trust you to wait patiently while this is all worked out. Do you trust me to make sure you are not forgotten?” They smile and nod, and some of them even cheer. It's a small gesture, but it makes everything that happened feel worth it.

 

Well, almost all of it.

 

Fighting the tears at this point is useless, so I cry as I think of my mother and Zeke and even Evelyn. She was Tobias' last chance at having a family, a parent that cared, but even she couldn't see that.

 

Some of the Factionless approach me, so I do my best to smile and I accept the thank you's and the handshakes I am offered. They slowly filter out, making their way back to wherever they feel like they belong, and it makes my heart ache knowing that the one place I feel like I belong is alone in a holding cell in Candor.

 

* * *

 

At everyones request, I stayed in Dauntless last night. Christina and I spent most of the night consoling Shauna, and I finally met Uriah. It hurt a lot more than I thought it would. I didn't realize how fond of Zeke I had become, and what a stark reminder Uriah would be. Although they don't look alike, their personalities are exactly the same.

 

 _Were._ Were exactly the same.

 

He managed to keep a smile on his face at all times, and Marlene never left his side, but I knew it was all for show. The pain in his eyes was almost more than I could bear, and I know the others could see it too.

 

I let Christina do what she could to fix my hair. I didn't want to shave the whole thing, even though Lynn assured me it would look good and was quite liberating. In the end, we just cut what was left shorter -just below my chin- so the shaved part could catch up quicker. I even let her put a little makeup on me this morning because, “If I was going to have this Dauntless hairstyle, then I had better own it.”

 

My stomach in in knots as Christina, Scarlett, Harrison and I make our way to Candor. I'm a little surprised to see Johanna, as well as Marcus and the Ambassador for Erudite already here. Then again, this is a major trial, and it makes sense for all the factions to be represented. I feel a bit awkward as they all stare at me, as if I'm supposed to have something brilliant to say in this moment. I'm saved by Jack who welcomes us all in, eager to get things under way.

 

Before anything begins, there is a quick consultation on what to do about the traitor Dauntless. I think about Peter; without his help, we might not have succeeded. That doesn't necessarily make him a good person, but his previous choices don't make him a bad one either. He's just the type of person that puts himself first, no matter what. I can't say that's the _worst_ trait to have. The leaders agree that there will be no punishment -they were conned just as much as the Erudite were- although there will be a list made for future reference. I guess you can't be to careful anymore.

 

The trial for Jeanine is quick. Under the influence of the truth serum, her true motives are finally revealed, and just like I had suspected, she wasn't going to stop with Abnegation. A systematic wipeout of all the 'useless' factions was planned, ending with the mass poisoning, and thus killing, of Dauntless. Even under the serums influence, she sounds smug. Like we're the ones who are wrong.

 

The other factions are shocked as she confesses, even her own Ambassador. She is quick to assure us that she had no idea, in fact, Jeanine had led them to believe that Erudite was the one being persecuted, and that's why Dauntless' presence was necessary. She volunteers to go under the truth serum too, and everything she said is verified.

 

Jeanine really was more cunning than I gave her credit for. She manipulated not one, but two factions. If it weren't for the circumstances, it would almost be admirable. _Almost_.

 

There aren't a lot of trials, let alone ones that end with the death penalty, but this isn't your everyday type of crime. Jeanine's face is stone cold as Jack Kang reads her sentence -death by firing squad- to be carried out within forty-eight hours. Even though I know all of this is protocol, my heart still beats painfully at the thought of what comes next.

 

Tobias and Will are brought out. They have a small conversation with Jack, who promptly releases Will. Christina cries as Will comes over, but I only care about the look on Tobias' face. He keeps his eyes trained on me as he is escorted to the chair in the middle of the room, only looking away when he is forced to sit with his back to me.  
“Will,” I say, but he doesn't respond. He only looks on as Tobias is injected with the truth serum.

 

I fight tears as I listen to Tobias confess one of his deepest secrets; his name. The few faction members that were allowed to attend today all look at Marcus and begin to whisper. It takes everything I have inside of me to not scream out for them to shut up. They don't know or understand -even I'm not sure I fully understand- but they have no right to judge him. I level Marcus with a glare as he sits there, acting oblivious to Tobias' pain. If they all only knew the truth. Jack silences them before continuing on.

 

Eventually Tobias confesses to this all being his idea and his plan, and that he forced Will to go along with it. Will was an innocent who was only doing what he was told under the threat of harm. I look to Will who is hanging his head, and I wonder how this can be, because I know Will was there willingly.

 

He doesn't look up as Tobias continues, the truth as well as the emotion pouring out of him as he confesses that Evelyn was his mother, and that if she wouldn't listen to him, she wasn't going to listen to anyone. Her death, as well as Edwards, to save countless other lives was the only viable option he could see.

 

Jack asks a few more questions about the Factionless and what Tobias observed in his time there, and I feel that this is more for the benefit of my proposition that the case at hand. When the serum wears off, Tobias is moved back to the table, but he doesn't meet my eyes again. Jack motions for the faction leaders to reconvene, and this time Will gets to join them.

 

I know Tobias decided to take the full blame for what transpired, allowing Will his freedom, but it doesn't make it hurt any less as I watch Will give Tobias a thankful nod as he joins the other leaders.

 

They deliberate a lot longer than they did with Jeanine, and I'd like to take it as a good sign, but when I see Will shaking his head and trying his best to keep his voice down as he argues his point, my resolve begins to falter. His face is red and each word comes with a wild hand gesture and a lot of pointing- to me, to Tobias, and to where Jeanine is being held. Eventually he calms, and gives a final nod, and my heart races as they make their way back to their seats.

 

“Tobias Eaton,” Jack Kang starts, and Tobias finally looks up. I forget sometimes that he's only two years older than I am, but today, I see it; that scared little boy is making his appearance. I want to scream and hit something, because once again, Marcus has some form of control over Tobias' life. I know why my father isn't here, and I don't blame him, but I would feel better if he were. I would at least know that Abnegation is doing the right thing.

 

“The factions would like to thank you -and Miss Prior- for all that you have done for this city. I know the decisions you made weren't easy, and they will carry a heavy burden on your conscience, but those decisions do come with a price. In lieu of all that has transpired, and taking all things into consideration, this court orders you to serve one year in jail as punishment for your crime, to be carried out immediately.”

 

 

 


	30. Chapter 30

** One Year Later **

 

 

So many things can change in a single year. Hair grows back. Criminals are executed. Traitors are found and jailed. Friendships are created. Family is lost. Propositions are passed. Funerals are held.

 

It took roughly a month to get things situated, but the general consensus was that people _liked_ the ideals of the factions, they just didn't like the execution of them. A lot of late nights spent with my father, Will, Jack and Johanna resulted in the city as it stands today: Each faction still exists, but without the strict rules and limitations of before.

 

The aptitude tests and choosing day still exist too, but in a much different form. The one thing I learned from taking my aptitude test was that it guided me in the direction my thoughts were best geared for, even if they were scattered between three factions. With slight tweaking to the program, people are now told what types of jobs suit their aptitudes, and they can then choose to make a difference and contribute to society that way.

 

After everything had calmed down, my father came to me and told me that my mother's original faction was Dauntless. Things began to make sense, and over time, things were better. She died the only way she knew how; with selflessness in her heart, and bravery on her back. I finally stopped blaming her for leaving me unfairly. Deep down, I think I would have done the same thing.

 

This year on choosing day, we will not be chanting faction before blood. No custom, no rule, is more important than finding somewhere you belong, whether it be staying with your family, or finding a new one. Instead we will choose where our aptitudes will best suit us. Some things will still be the same; those that wish to live a peaceful life might still choose Amity, but they might choose Abnegation, too- peace can be found in more than one area of life.

 

Those that wished to remain Factionless did so, and the option is still available for those that feel like they don't truly belong anywhere, but the majority took the new aptitude test and found a place to belong. Being as grateful as they were for the change, most of them took the various jobs rebuilding our infrastructure and fixing up the buildings around the city to house everyone. Sometimes they stop when they see me and share their stories- how they found a new life, a new love, a place that finally feels like home. In those moments, I've never been more happy to keep a promise.

 

The biggest change to the system though is knowing that you are never forced to stick with your choice. Sometimes, things don't work out they way you thought they would. Being punished for a decision made at sixteen, when said out loud, sounds ridiculous. The only stipulation is that you give it one year to make it work, and if it doesn't, then you can choose again on the next choosing day.

 

Tokens were fashioned for this years ceremony. Pledging our blood is not necessary; this is no longer an unbreakable vow. We'll distribute a token to those choosing of their current faction -adding in a blank circle for the Factionless as well as their own bowl- and use it to to track how many people choose and where they are going. It's mostly just research to satisfy those with Erudite tendencies.

 

We also removed the word divergent from our vocabulary.

 

With no factions to bind us, having more than one aptitude is no longer a threat. There's no need for us to fit into a box anymore. The only real threat is we'll be the ones who change factions every year until we find someplace we feel settled, and nobody had any objections to that.

 

I kept my position as Ambassador for Abnegation. We still need communication between the different factions to make sure that people are housed and fed and employed accordingly. It felt wrong to not be a part of that. I did spend a lot of time at Dauntless though, helping coordinate security for all parts of the city, but mostly it was because I felt closer to Tobias there.

 

The first time I was allowed to visit him, he was upbeat and pleased to see me. I was angry with him at first for taking the fall by himself, but listened to his reasons and understood; it ultimately was his idea, and he didn't want Will to suffer because of him. He was able to manipulate the truth serum because he and Will went through the motions and said the words out loud, so the answers he gave weren't necessarily a lie; they were more like a manipulated truth.

 

I asked him if he was divergent, too, but he just shrugged. He shared with me how his father had prepped him for his aptitude test, how he beat an Abnegation result into him. He had help throughout his initiation from his instructor, but he always felt that he really didn't need it. He couldn't do the things that most divergents could do, he was just more aware. Even though it doesn't matter anymore, I got the feeling he felt a little lost without that label. I kind of feel the same way.

 

With each visit though, he seemed to retreat into himself more and more, until he began refusing to see me altogether. I know it's because he is carrying the burden of Evelyn's death alone- a single offhand comment about being a coward was enough for me to figure it out. I tried to tell him everything was okay, and that we were okay, but he wouldn't listen. It hurts, but I respected his decision and stopped trying to visit.

 

I started to visit my mother and Zeke instead. I always take two bouquets each; one from me, and one from Tobias. I let out everything in the cemetery in Abnegation; all of my tears, all of my emotions, all of my regrets, all of my thanks. I don't know what comes after death, but whatever it is, I hope that she can see me, and she's proud.

 

Zeke's mom opted to cremate him, and spread his ashes in the chasm. I watch the water churn, silently saying my thanks whenever I go to Dauntless. I stop by Uriah's afterwards where his urn is kept, replacing the vase of flowers we keep next to it with fresh ones. My life wouldn't be the way it is now without either one of them, and I'll never forget that.

 

I've worn Abnegation grey every day for the past year, but today I dress in all black. I take a deep breath, looking in the mirror and running my hand through my hair before leaving. Nerves set in the closer we get; I haven't been here in almost five months, and I'm not sure what to expect. Jack Kang meets me to issue the formal pardon and release, and smiles when he sees me.

 

“Tris. You look lovely.”  
“Err, thanks?” I say, giving Jack a confused look.  
“It just suits you, that's all,” he says, waving his hand. “You ready?”  
“I am.”

 

The building feels entirely too cold for a summer day. Too cold for an occasion like this. Jack shows his ID, and so do I as we sign in. The clerk gives us a look, but buzzes us in anyways.

 

“We're here for Eaton. Number 271,” Jack says to her when we reach the second window. She shuffles some papers for a minute before shaking her head.

 

“That's what I thought. Eaton 271 was released first thing this morning,” she says.  
“What? Jack?”  
“Tris, please. Can you tell me who released him?” Jack asks.  
She types on her computer and shuffles her papers again before nodding. “A William Holder.”

 

I breathe out a small sigh of relief, but ball my fists. “Thank you,” I say, turning to Jack and giving him a look.  
“He has the authority to do so, Tris. He didn't tell me he was going to, though.”

 

 _God damn him_ , I think as the door buzzes to let us back through. I storm through the exit, pulling my tablet out of my bag, practically cracking the screen as I punch in Will's name.

 

“Tris!” he answers cheerfully.  
“Don't you Tris, me. Where is he?”  
“Tris, you have to understand. He's been through a lot and-”  
“I know what he's been through! Or at least I _would_ have if he had let me visit him. It seems as though he had no trouble letting you in.” Will's face drops just a little bit, and I know I'm right. “Please just tell me where he is.”  
“He's not here,” he says. “I'm sure you won't have a hard time finding him though.” I think for a second and nod before hanging up.

 

“Tris,” Jack says, taking my arm just before I open the car door, “He's right. Tobias _has_ been through a lot. I don't doubt that he still loves you very much, but you need to realize how much something like this changes a person.” I look at Jack, and he smiles, his eyes so full of kindness.

 

“I know,” I say. “I just thought...” _I just thought_ I _would be the one that was here for him._ I can't even say the words out loud. Jack gives my arm a small squeeze.  
“You might need to give him some time. Just keep that in mind.” I nod and hug Jack, not for the first time. Over the year he's sort of become a part of my extended family, and he always has my best interest at heart.

 

One night we went out to dinner, and after a few drinks, he confessed that his older sister had transferred to Erudite. There was an accident in one of their labs, and she was knocked unconscious. When she came to, she didn't remember anything, including her own name. Instead of doing everything they could to help her, Erudite rejected her because she was useless to them this way. He and his family didn't even find out until they went to see her on visiting day, months later.

 

They had tried to find her, but customs dictated that she was Factionless now, so there was nothing that they could do even if they did find her. An anonymous note showed up at his parents house one day, but by then it was too late. She had died on the streets, confused and alone. It broke my heart to watch Jack's face as he told me this story, but I know why he did, and why he was so eager to help my proposition pass.

 

I had purposely avoided this area in the Factionless sector when I did come out to spend some time volunteering or helping organize people's transitions. I walk slow, taking in the familiar surroundings and smile to myself, thankful that I never gave up on the boy from Dauntless.

 

When I reach the landing, I can see the desk is still in place down the hallway. After all this time, it's still there. I walk quietly, and see the door to his room is open.  
“Tobias?” I call out, but I'm met with silence. I continue on; if he's not here, I don't know where else he could be. I find him staring out the window.

 

“Hey,” I say softly. It still takes him a minute to turn around and acknowledge me. His eyes are red; I'm reminded of the first time I let myself be brave enough to really talk to him, of on offer of friendship and a good listening ear. I have a feeling I'm going to have to be even braver than that now.

 

I walk to one of the chairs, sit down and wait for him to make a move. I _have_ to be patient and understanding. I don't want to push him even further away. I can feel his eyes on me; the way they slowly move, taking it all in, and I shiver. It's hard to not throw everything aside and run into his arms, to feel him shiver too.

 

He takes a few steps forward and pauses before finally closing the gap and sitting down across from me.

 

“I just needed to see you, make sure you're okay,” I start. “You didn't need to have Will release you. I was there, to come and get you.”  
“Tris,” he starts, but he doesn't get any further. I wait patiently for him to continue, but it's too painful being this close and yet so far away. I hesitate for only a second before reaching out and placing my hand softly on top of his; he lets out a loud breath and my body sings with electricity, the same way it did so long ago. Neither one of us moves for a long time.

 

“I killed her,” he says softly.  
“Tobias...you didn't have a choice.”  
“Yes I did, Tris. I could have hit her and knocked her out. I could have tackled her to the ground and arrested her. But I didn't. I killed her because I was too angry to see any other way. She wouldn't listen. She wouldn't listen.” He keeps repeating this, over and over, until I give his hand a small squeeze. He looks up, as if he's just remembered I'm here.

 

“I'm just like her,” he says so quietly I almost miss it, “But even worse, I'm just like _him_.” I know it's physically impossible for your heart to break, but mine is doing a damn good job at trying.

 

“No. No, Tobias, I do not accept that. You are _not_ a monster. You did what was  necessary. You _saved_ lives. You knew she wasn't going to accept things peacefully, even though she was getting exactly what she wanted. You said it yourself. She wouldn't listen. You _had_ to make that choice.”

 

I can see him nod his head just a little. It takes me back to a conversation we had not too long after his sentencing. He told me how Evelyn was almost rabid in her desire to have the city accept the Factionless, but really he felt like it was more about _her_ acceptance. Revealing to the world that she did in fact exist, and that Marcus didn't win.

 

She refused to let Tobias sway her; he felt like the angel on her shoulder, but she had the devil -Edward- on the other, and he won out. I understand completely; I am the angel, and Tobias is his own devil. I silently pray that I'm the one that wins this round.

 

“You changed the entire city, the entire faction process. But most of all, you helped save _me_. My divergence isn't a threat anymore, Tobias. All of that has to count for something. The good far outweighs the bad. Please see that. Please know that everyone understands what you had to do.”  
“I don't know if I can,” he says. “I don't feel like a hero, and I don't really deserve that title.”

 

We stare at each other, not speaking. I stop fighting the tears, and he watches each one as they run down my cheeks. I don't know what to say, or what to do, so I wait for him to make the next move.

 

“I think...I think I just need to be alone.”  
“Tobias,” I whisper, “You've been alone for a year. I thought you would be happy to be out. I thought you would be happy to see me.”  
“I am,” he says unconvincingly.  
“Then come home. _Please_.” He shakes his head, and I sigh. “Okay,” I say, swallowing thickly. “I'm not going to force you to do anything. Just...I just want you to know that I am here for you, and I'll be waiting.”

 

I stand, watching him as he looks me up and down like he's taking me in one last time. I can't do this. We've been through _far_ too much to just give up. I bend down and wrap my arms around him, burying my face in his neck. I kiss it once, softly, and feel him take in a sharp breath.  
“I love you,” I whisper. “I always have, I think. From the very first moment I saw you.”

 

I touch his cheek gently as I pull away, and give him a small smile. “Please see what I see.” I linger for only a second before I leave him, walking out of the room like this for the second time in our lives.

 

I've forgiven him, and I'm willing to wait until he forgives himself.

 

 

 


	31. Chapter 31

**One Month Later**

 

I wake up knowing what today brings, but it's hard to be excited after another night of restless sleep and tearful eyes. I pull the blue quilt closer, wishing I wasn't alone under it. I made sure to grab it the day Tobias was sentenced, knowing that I would need _something_ more than hope to get me through the year.

 

I take a shower and pack my things neatly, labeling the bags to be redistributed among those that wish to be Factionless. I take one last look in the hidden mirror, and marvel at how much I have changed. My body has filled out a little more, and I put on some muscle from my time spent working out in Dauntless when I was supposed to be _actually_ working.

 

My hair is still short after being evened out, but long enough for me to pull it back into it's usual bun. I run my fingers through my hair before pulling it back tight, twisting and wrapping and pinning one last time. I close the wall and look into my bedroom, taking in the memories of all that has happened here with me before I walk down the stairs and towards the council building.

 

“Are you sure about this, Beatrice?” my father asks.  
“I'm sure,” I say. I lean down and give him a hug, which he returns in earnest. My father was never one for showing much affection, but after losing mom, it's all he seems to want to do. I don't mind. It helps me too.

 

“Your mother would be so proud of you,” he whispers, and I can feel the threat of tears beginning.  
“I know,” I say. “If I wasn't doing this on my own, she would probably be shoving me out the door to make me do it,” I say with a chuckle, and my father laughs.  
“You're probably right.”

 

“Tris?” I hear, and turn to see Susan. It's still odd to hear her call me anything other than Beatrice. “I went by your house, but you were already gone.”  
“It's okay,” I say, walking to the doorway. “I was going to stop and see you afterwards.”

 

Susan was a little more forgiving than my father and I were towards Caleb. He's my brother, and I will always love him, but putting our parents at risk the way he did is not something that's easily forgivable. He tried to make amends by offering himself up to testify against Eric and Max when they were apprehended, but it was just too little, too late.

 

Susan has had dinner with him a few times to be cordial, both here and in Erudite, but I think she's moved past the idea of the two of them being together- she's mentioned more than once that she can't believe he would have done such a thing. While I know he didn't directly kill our mother and Zeke, it's hard to separate his actions from those that pulled the trigger.

 

“I just wanted to say goodbye,” she says quietly. “And I hope you find what you're looking for in Dauntless.”  
“Thank you,” I say. “And don't worry. I've been informed that the Ambassador position there is mine if I want it, so I think I'll be back enough to have lunch a few times.”  
“I would like that,” she says, smiling. “I'll let you get back to your dad then. Goodbye, Tris.”  
“Goodbye Susan. Make sure you stop by and check on him once and while,” I say, tipping my chin towards my dad. “He's always liked you.”  
“I will.” She leans in and gives me a quick, awkward hug, and it makes me smile. Susan, hugging in public.

 

I take one last look around my office, opening each drawer and making sure it's clean and organized for the next person. My eyes land on my bag, and I remember the little hidden compartment. I run my finger over the zipper and open it, pulling the contents out.

 

I look at the form Will left his message on and smile before throwing it away. I run my hand softly over the envelope, my note still inside. I clutch it to my chest for a moment before stuffing it in my dress pocket. I can't take much with me, but I'm not about to leave this behind. It's still too important to me. I hear a soft cough, and turn to see Tobias standing in the doorway.

 

“Hey,” I say quietly, trying to keep the fact that my heart is beating wildly to myself. He looks...nothing like the person I left weeks ago. He's cut his hair and shaved and he's dressed in all black. But the biggest change is his eyes. They look alive and filled with hope.

 

“I was...uhh, a little worried when you weren't home,” he says, reaching back to scratch his neck. “I just saw Susan though, and she told me you were here.”  
“Oh.” I shift from one foot to the other. I hate that this feels awkward.

 

“You still have it?” he asks, motioning to my pocket.  
“Yeah,” I say, pulling the envelope out. I open it and take the label out, looking at the faded message. “It's still true, and it's still yours,” I say, holding it out. He stares at it for a minute before taking it.

 

We stand silent, occasionally looking at each other, eyes flitting away when they find each other. I want to ask him why, tell him I asked about him when he wouldn't see me, tell him that it hurt more than anything, but I can't find the right words. It all sounds too harsh in my head, and now is not the time for harsh words.

 

“Tris...I did a lot of thinking, and, you're right.”  
“I am?”  
“Yeah,” he says, a little laughter coming through his voice. It feels good to hear that again. It's been far too long. “I don't think the guilt I feel will every truly go away, but I think that's the point. I _should_ feel guilty, and I should use it to learn, to be a better person.”

 

“Yeah. Maybe Abnegation had that part right.” Caleb drifts to the front of my mind again. If Tobias can begin to forgive himself, maybe I _can_ try to forgive my brother.  
“Maybe,” he says. “So, you're going to choose today?  
“Yep.” Tobias nods his head a couple of times before looking at his feet.  
“Dauntless?”  
“Oh. Yeah.”  
“Black always did suit you.”

 

I bite my lip, fighting the urge to unleash everything on Tobias at once. I want to hug him and kiss him and yell at him and comfort him all at the same time. He's definitely getting to a good place though, and I don't want to risk jeopardizing it in any way. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I open them Tobias' eyes are locked onto mine, and my heart thumps hard in my chest. I can't look away. I _won't_ look away.

 

I ache to just touch him, to feel how I fit perfectly in his arms, to memorize every inch of his body...

 

I'm not sure which of us moves first, but his lips are on mine, and my hands are wrapped in his shirt, pulling him down to me and everything inside of me is screaming out for more. I don't think I'll ever get sick of this. How it feels to love Tobias; how it feels to be loved.

 

“I'm sorry I couldn't see it. That I couldn't believe all the things you've always told me,” he says when he pulls away, kissing my cheeks and my nose and my forehead in between words. “ It just took me a little longer to see myself the way you see me.” My knees are weak and I can see my own chest heaving, and he's _apologizing_?

 

“Tobias,” I say, shaking my head, “Don't you dare apologize. I should have been more understanding and I should have checked in on you and I should have made _sure_ you were okay and-”  
“It doesn't matter. It's done, it's over and I'm okay now, Tris. I'm okay.” He looks into my eyes, and they look like they always have when he looks at me; full of lust and love and desire. He pulls me into him, resting his head on top of mine, and my body molds to his, content to stay where it belongs.

 

“Ahem,” I hear, and we both turn our heads to see my father standing there, pretending he didn't see any of that. “If you don't leave now, you're going to be late.”  
“Go,” Tobias says. “I'll catch up with you in a minute.” I narrow my eyes at him, but he gives me that half-grin and I cave, pecking my father on the cheek as I walk past him. I pause when I see Marcus out of the corner of my eye.

 

He stands in his office door, staring at Tobias. I turn slowly to see Tobias staring right back, my father awkwardly in between them. Tobias' face is hard, and for a minute I worry, but he turns his attention to my father as if Marcus never existed in the first place. He has become everything I said he was, and more.

 

As I walk towards the bus with the other Abnegation who are choosing today, I wonder if more people would be willing to give Abnegation a try now. We still rely on selflessness, but it's more than that now. We volunteer all over the city, from picking apples at Amity to filing paperwork with the Candor clerks- Abnegation goes where it's needed, and that's not so bad.

 

I glance back and see Tobias jogging to catch-up to me. I stop and wait.  
“Everything okay? And what was that all about?” I ask.  
“It's fine. I'm fine, and you'll find out soon enough,” he says, grinning, and I feel my heart skip a beat.

 

* * *

 

“Name and faction?” the Erudite woman asks.  
“Beatrice Prior. Abnegation.” She types into her tablet, and hands me a small token of two hands clasping. I smile and wait off to the side as Tobias does the same thing.

 

“This is still weird to me,” he says, holding out his token with an empty circle.  
“Well, get used to it,” I say. “This is what we did, and I wouldn't change a thing.” We kiss as we wait, getting some stares from other people, but I don't care who sees. I love this man and he loves me, and nothing is ever going to change that.

 

Amity is hosting this year, and we listen as Johanna gives a small speech about how things have changed, and simple instructions on how to proceed. We had voted to forgo choosing day last year, as the city was still all over the place and trying to find it's way with all the new rules and regulations. Not only did we change everything about choosing day, we changed the day we do it too. New city, new life, new everything. I smile as I listen, happy to be a part of this particular choosing ceremony.

 

Johanna doesn't call names like before, instead she calls a single faction and announces the people's selections as they drop their tokens, one by one, into their bowl of choice. The sixteen year olds -and seventeen this year- go first out of tradition and respect, and when they're done, she invites anyone else from that faction who wishes to choose today too. The factions react as they did before, with Dauntless being as rowdy as ever. I smile when it's my turn, liking the _clink_ my token makes as it joins the others who are going to Dauntless today.

 

I am Dauntless.

 

Will and Christina are here, and they cheer wildly as I make my way to them. I wait patiently for the other factions to go, and when the Factionless are finally called, Tobias is first to drop his charm. I join my new faction, screaming and clapping to welcome him back.

 

“Smart-ass!” Christina yells as he walks over. “Can I call you that instead of Four?”  
“I dunno, why don't you try it and see what happens,” Tobias answers, throwing her a look. I laugh when I see that barely there twitch of his lip as he tries to keep his face serious, and Christina makes a face, unsure if he's joking or not.

 

When the last token drops, Will and Christina take off running, and Tobias and I follow them down the stairs and onto the streets. Tobias holds his hand out, and I take it as we run towards a new life, together. He lets me go first as I climb the tracks, and smiles admiringly when I jump onto the train all by myself.  
“I've had some practice,” I say, shrugging my shoulders and smiling back.

 

“Get ready!” Christina yells out as the train approaches Dauntless. The train slows as we stand and line up. We jump when it's our time, and Tobias smiles again when I stick the landing. I also happened to notice the net that was installed between the building and the tracks. I know in the past some people didn't make it, and it makes me happy to see that the heart of the faction is still being preserved, while leaving out the unnecessary danger.

 

“Initiates!” Will yells out, getting everyone's attention. “There is only one way into Dauntless, and it's down there. Who will be the first to jump?”  
“Shit,” Tobias whispers. “Seriously? Are they really going to make us do this?”

 

“Hey,” I say, smiling. “You got this. You did it once before, you can do it again.” I look around to see that nobody has volunteered, so I stick my hand in the air.  
“Me,” I say. “I'll go first.”

 

I make my way through the small crowd of Dauntless borns and transfers, and peer over the edge to see a giant hole in the ground...and darkness. I look over to Will, who simply raises an eyebrow.

 

“There's something down there, right?”  
“A net,” Tobias mutters. I don't know when he made his way over to me, but it must be taking all of his willpower to be this close to the edge; his breathing has visibly increased and there's a light sheen of sweat on his forehead. “I know this isn't the only entrance. There's a door on the other side of the roof.”  
“Yeah but, where's the fun in that?” Will says. “Besides, it's a _tradition_ now.”  
“Tradition,” Tobias snorts, and I smile.

 

I take a step forward, and climb onto the ledge; a hard gust of wind causes me to lose my balance for just a second. I feel a pair of warm hands support me from behind, and look to see Tobias staring up at me. His breathing is calmer and his eyes are locked onto mine.

 

“You okay?” he asks.  
“I'm fine,” I say, a thought forming and a grin creeping onto my face. “So are you coming or not?”

 

He is still for a moment before moving slowly to climb up onto the ledge with me. He doesn't take his eyes off of mine once he's balanced. I reach out for him; he crushes my hand as I look down to make sure we're lined up, but I just smile.  
“Ready?” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, nodding quickly. “Don't think,” I say, “Just jump.”

 

We hit the net, hard, and I let out a laugh, smiling so hard it feels like my face might crack.  
“You liked that?” he asks, breathing hard, his hand on his chest.  
“Yeah,” I say. “You didn't?” I laugh again at the look on his face.  
He leans over, whispering in my ear, “You always did look better in black.”

 

He's said that to me so many times, but I've never really believed it until now. I blush when I see he's still looking at me and bite my lip, grinning when his eyes immediately fly down.

 

He climbs out of the net first, helping me down carefully, and I can't take my eyes off of him. Something about the way he holds himself now; the look on his face and the way his body moves, I think he finally feels at home. Things are different now. He's not a scared boy escaping a horrible life anymore. This version of Dauntless has all of the appeal he always loved with none of the threats. Tobias will thrive here this time around, and I can't wait to be a part of it.

 

“Name?” he asks in his authoritative tone, a smirk playing at his lips.  
“Tris,” I say.  
“First jumper, Tris!” he shouts, and a crowd of Dauntless I didn't even notice cheer from the shadows.  
“Hello, Tris,” he says, taking my face in his hands. “Welcome to Dauntless.”

 

I smile and stand up on my toes as he leans down, kissing him deeply, feeling the rush of energy from just our touch. When he pulls away his eyes are dark, and I smile again knowing that in this moment, the only thing he is thinking about, is me.

 

 

 

 

 


	32. Epilogue

“Will you tell me about it again?”  
“Again? I just told you the story last night!”  
“I know, but I like when you tell me all about how you and mom changed everything.”  
“It wasn't just us, Emma. A lot of people helped out, including your Uncle Will and your Auntie Christina.”  
“I know, dad. But I like the way you talk about mom.”  
“Oh so your fathers telling stories about me when I'm not around? They better all be good,” I say, rounding the corner, deciding to not eavesdrop tonight.

 

“Mom! Dad always says good things about you. He gets this weird look on his face sometimes too and-”  
“Emma!” Tobias interrupts, a small blush creeping onto his cheeks.  
“Tobias Eaton, are you blushing?” I say.  
“No,” he says quickly, throwing me a look.  
“I've told you a million times, that doesn't work on me.” I lean down and kiss him on the side of his head before kissing Emma on the forehead.  
“He does that sometimes, too” Emma adds, and I smile.

 

“What is with you two? I am feeling severely outnumbered right now,” Tobias says, hiding that tiny twitch of his mouth.  
“Yeah, well, it won't be that way for long,” I say, rubbing my growing belly.  
“I wanna rub it!” Emma says, sitting up in her bed and throwing off her covers.  
“It's not an it,” I say. “It's your little brother.”  
“I know. But he doesn't have a name yet, so he's an it!” Emma says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.  
“She's got a point,” Tobias says.

 

He's been giving me a hard time, trying to get me to narrow down my list of names, but I just can't decide. Four years ago, with Emma, I knew right away what I wanted to name her. But for some reason, I can't decide now.

 

“I have an idea,” I say, sitting down on Emma's bed. “Why don't I tell you the names I've been thinking of, and maybe we can decide together.”  
“Okay!” she says excitedly, and Tobias smiles.

 

I put my hand on my belly, and Emma does the same. “First, there's Jacob.”  
Emma makes a face, like she's thinking super hard, and eventually says, “No.”  
“Okay,” I say. “How about Micheal?” Again she makes the face before spouting out another _no_.  
“Okay, then. What about Thomas?”

 

The baby kicks instantly, and Emma's face lights up. “That's it!” she exclaims. “Even he likes it!” I laugh and so does Tobias, who reaches out and places a hand on my belly too.  
“Thomas,” I say, and the baby rolls, responding to his name already.  
“Hi, Thomas!” Emma says, putting her ear on my belly. “Yeah. He likes it.”

 

“Kids are so _weird_ ,” Tobias whispers, rubbing my belly.  
“ _Your_ kids are weird,” I correct, sticking my tongue out at him. “Okay, story time and bed little girl. You need your rest if your going to rampage all over daycare tomorrow.”  
“Rawr!” Emma says, crawling back under her covers. I give her another kiss on the head and leave Tobias to tell her more stories about me, and how I made the city a better place for her.

 

I can't help but think back on how things weren't always this calm. The first year ran smoothly, with Tobias taking up his old job in the control room, and me taking the Ambassador spot I was offered. We did all the things you do in Dauntless; drinking, partying, sex and tattoos. We even went through each other's fear landscapes, together; I only had six fears, while he still had four. He told me they had changed a little -that much was obvious since I was now in one- but he wouldn't elaborate any further; I suspect it had to do with Marcus, since he wasn't present. That same night I met one of the greatest friends I have, Tori, as she tattooed a IV on my collarbone, near my heart, and a VI on Tobias in the same spot.

 

But there were harder times in there too. Times when Tobias would disappear for hours, only to come back in a sour mood. After our first big fight, I learned to leave him be when this happened, and wait for him to come to me. After what felt like the millionth time though, I followed him. He and Shauna met in the training room. At first my jealousy flared and I almost stormed in, ready to punch him -and her- right in the nose. But I caught the word “Zeke,” and I held off.

 

I listened as they reminisced about their friend, and felt like a jerk for thinking it was anything else. I was still jealous though, because he would rather talk to her, than me. It took some time and prodding from Christina to get me to tell her, but she made me understand that the two of them had a different sort of bond that was broken, and only they could repair it.

 

Just before the second choosing day, a small group of Erudite wanted to disband from the city, and they held a rally to encourage others to join them. We had a hell of a time keeping things peaceful, and eventually we had no choice but to let them leave the city; they never returned.

 

We had discussions to send out a search party, but nothing ever came of it. The entire city voted, with an overwhelming majority saying no, so we had to let it be. Sometimes I wonder what happened, if they got sick or died, or found another city somewhere out there. I guess we'll never know.

 

And then I found myself pregnant. This was both the best and worst thing to happen to us. Tobias was convinced he would be a horrible father, because 'how could I be anything _but_ with my upbringing'? Nothing I said mattered, and one night, after a particularly horrible shouting match, he left. He went back to his old home in the Factionless sector, and it broke my heart, but I knew it was better than the constant fighting and his rekindled obsession of going through his fear landscape every day. Sometimes more than once.

 

I went on with my life as best as I could, with the support of our friends. Shauna was amazing. She tried her best to reassure me, and would give out what we called 'Zekeisms'- funny advice that seemed to always help. Uriah did it too sometimes, but there was just something _different_ hearing it from the others. Hearing how Zeke affected them, too. I found myself wishing more and more that Zeke that was here. I'm sure if anyone could have got through to Tobias, it was him.

 

But Tobias didn't stay gone long -only a couple of weeks- and I have both my father and Susan to thank for that. Out of the blue the both of them invited me over for dinner. When I arrived Tobias was there, waiting. He had gone to my father for advice, and they ended up having a long discussion in which he confessed to my father all the horrible things Marcus had done to him and Evelyn. It was his greatest fear to end up just like Marcus, and he thought that leaving me and the baby was the right thing to do.

 

With the help of my father and Susan, they helped him understand that by acknowledging his fears, he was already a better father than Marcus ever was. He was willing to seek out help, and my father was willing to offer it. They agreed to meet once a week 'just to talk'. When Susan and my father went into the other room to prepare dinner, Tobias told me that his fear landscape had changed, and now he was the monster who hurt his child.

 

“I never really had a family,” he said, his voice wavering. “I don't really know how to be a part of one.” It was the first time I actually saw him cry, and it just about killed me.

 

After dinner Tobias presented me with a ring -my mothers ring- as a promise to me and our unborn child that he would do everything in his power to be a good father, and if I would have it, a good husband. I was hesitant at first; I didn't want to end up alone because Tobias decided to leave on a whim again. And I certainly didn't want to put our child through that. But the look in his eyes said so much more than his words ever could, and I just knew. I knew this was it, that he had come to terms with everything and he was going to do whatever it took to be a good father.

 

He pulled me in close and held on tight when I said yes. “We'll be your family now,” I whispered into his ear.

 

The very next day my father held a meeting and had Marcus ousted as faction leader; he is currently living somewhere in the Factionless sector, at his choosing, and we're all better for it. We never found out his exact role in everything that happened or why he signed off on the weapons increase, but truthfully, it doesn't matter anymore. He's where he belongs; alone with no power.

 

We had a small ceremony in the Pit a few weeks later. We spent most of the night laughing at my father and Jack and Johanna and Caleb. I've never seen people look more awkward and out of place as they looked, and every second of it was worth it.

 

My father pulled me aside just before he left and shared with me that Tobias had asked him for permission to marry me.  
“When?” I asked.  
“When he had stayed behind in Abnegation headquarters on that first choosing day. I saw the look in his eye, Beatrice. It's the same one I had when I knew your mother was the one. So I said yes.” I shot Tobias a look, but somehow he knew what we were taking about and he smiled sweetly, bashfully.

 

I also forgave Caleb. It will always be hard to look at him and not see my mother. I don't have to forget, I just have to understand and forgive. He and Susan never got together, and he's dating a girl named Cara now, who just happens to be Will's sister.

 

Tobias and I work with the new 'initiates' each year, helping them get accustomed to Dauntless life; teaching them how to shoot a gun and fight and defend this city, going back to our regular jobs in between. Will has been trying to get Tobias to take a spot higher up in the Dauntless government, but he keeps refusing. I think he's happy with the way things are now, and he doesn't want to take a chance on screwing anything up. This year we're going to have to find replacements, though. I'm good, but 8 months pregnant is pushing it just a bit too far.

 

There's a soft knock on the door, breaking me out of my memories. I look into Emma's room as I walk past and see Tobias craning his neck to look out and Emma fast asleep.

 

“Will, what's wrong?” I ask when I open the door.  
“Nothing. Just wanted to let you guys know it's time. Don't come now, Christina doesn't want anyone there just yet. But if you're not there bright and early tomorrow morning, you know she's going to throw a fit.”  
“Oh Will! I'm so excited for you guys. Tell Chris we love her, and of course I'll be there as soon as I drop Emma at daycare.”  
“Okay. Hey, Tobias.”

  
“Hey,” Tobias says, walking up behind me. “Everything okay?”  
“Yeah, Chris just went into labor,” I say.  
“Oh, hey. Congratulations, man,” Tobias says, shaking Will's hand.  
“Thanks. Gotta get back. Duty calls. See you tomorrow.” I give Will a quick hug and shut the door.

 

“How exciting,” I say. “And hey, maybe their little girl and Thomas will date,” I say, rubbing my belly.  
“Oh god. Please don't talk about the kids dating,” Tobias says seriously. “I don't think I can handle that just yet.”  
“They're going to do it eventually, you know.”  
“Not if I can help it.”

  
“ _Tobias_ ,” I chastise, and he gives me a sheepish grin.  
“Hey, I just know what guys are like, and I don't want Emma having to put up with that shit.”  
“And what exactly are guys like?” I ask, biting my lip.

 

His eyes fly down immediately before looking back up, a much darker shade of blue.  
“Like this,” he says, pulling his shirt off and tossing it on the floor as he backs me into our bedroom.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently I had a typo in my last chapter. Something about butts. I have no idea why butts would be on my mind... ;D
> 
> So, that's it for this story. I just wanted to give a little epilogue and tell a bit about what happened to our favorite couple afterwards. I hope all of you enjoyed it! Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought. Believe it or not, when you guys give detailed reviews about what you liked in certain chapters, it helps me know what you like, and helps me in my other stories!
> 
> I am working on the sequel to "Making a Memory", which is basically my fun one, full of fluff and more fluff and smut and fluff and smut. Did I mention there was fluff and smut?
> 
> I do have at least two more stories planned, one canon universe, one modern day. I know you all want hints about them, so I'll just say this. I've done my take on Divergent. This one was basically an Insurgent/Divergent blend, so I'm sure you can figure out what the next one will be. ;) And as far as I've seen, nobody has done what I'm going to write, so it should be interesting!
> 
> If you want to get updated when I post another story, make sure to follow me!
> 
> And last, but definitely not least, a huge thank you again to Bamcn24 for being my go-to gal! I could text her at 2am and ask "do you think tobias like the color pink?" and she would answer me lol. Love ya!
> 
> Until next time!


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